We went from 0 to 10k followers on Bluesky, and here’s how we incorporated AI: - we didn’t. thanks for following

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. In my defense I forgot the password to this account

This is a judgment free zone. If you need to break into a liquor store and pass out in the bathroom because you’re a raccoon who’s having a hard time, that’s ok. It’s called self care

Imagine getting mad at me online when I’m quite literally beyond beef

Ideally by age 30, you should have ruined at least one of your workplaces

Babe are you ok? You've hardly ruined your workplace today

"Can you really call it a 'burger' if it's made from plants?" You're right… that’s a slippery slope to other things that don’t harm anyone

The new Beyond Burgers have 75% less saturated fat and are made with avocado oil and how many of you were worried for a second that they fired and replaced me with a normal social media manager, be honest

Hate to brag but Jane Goodall did not personally list me as someone she’d like to launch into space

Not to get too political, but I find it convenient to live on a planet with a habitable climate

Beyond Sausage has 17g of protein and is made with avocado oil and now that my boss has stopped reading, I think we can all agree it's a miracle I'm still employed

I went to a 4 year university and now every day I wake up and think “What would a little cow post on the internet?” You can accomplish anything you set your mind to

Thank goodness we’re going back to the good old times before… *checks notes* medicine

“AI is gonna replace all funny/unhinged social media managers” I’d like to see AI replicate the formative experience of being weird and lonely as a child

“The team running the Beyond Meat account posts recklessly, wades into politics, and also never promotes the products.” That’s not true. It’s just one person running the account

“Be the bigger person.” Counterpoint: be the smaller cow. Jump to conclusions. Hold a grudge. Take everything personally. Bite the hand that feeds

Easy self care tips: - drink water - take screen breaks - leave the office to go for a walk - enter a field - let out a huge moo - never return

I don’t know who needs to hear this but

At this point, my career plan is just “hope the weird little posts keep working”

Touching grass isn’t enough. I need to eat grass, let out a moo, delete gmail, become a cow full time

Other people at my company: smart, figuring out how to make meat from plants Me: I put a cape on my dog today

Beyond Beef has 21g of protein and no cholesterol and now that my boss has stopped reading, I wonder if they've ever described working with me as a "learning experience"

Explaining to management that measuring success by “likes” is outdated, and instead it should be based on how many people reply “what is this” and “what is going on here”

Just gotta get through this week and then what? Another week to get through? And then let me guess, getting through more weeks? I know a scam when I see one

Telling my boss that due to our marketing strategy, our burgers are “flying off the shelves” with absolutely no proof

You don’t have to be perfect. Just trying your best, eating fewer animal products, and not launching yourself into space for about 11 minutes can all add up

Dance like nobody’s watching. Sing like nobody’s listening. Post in a way that’s against all brand guidelines until it’s too late for management to replace you

Life update: this little cow has adopted this little guy. And I’m open to name suggestions!

You’re in her DMs. I’m also in her DMs. You accidentally added beyond meat to the group chat. We’re all very confused

Every few weeks I have to sneak in a product mention so that I have something to point to in my beyond sausage performance review. It will be subtle