Tessera

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer

@kaylee-scott.bsky.social

https://kscottaline.wordpress.com Full time nerd, part time writer, seeking to break down doors but while apologizing profusely & unnecessarily for doing so. Previously published in Cosmopolitan & The Huffington Post.

2304 Posts454 Follower 178 Folgt

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · yesterday

Today’s #wipsnips word is “stream” #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky #grief

I start to cry. Usually, that’s when I’d leave. I’d get in the car so no one else would see me break down, turn up my iPod, and drive off, forcing it all out of my mind. Instead, I stare at his picture, blurred by the stream of tears running wildly down my cheeks, and cry from somewhere deep inside. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve let myself freely grieve. And it feels like a dam breaking.
The tears come faster and it’s suddenly hard to breathe. I’m heaving from the sobs, not bothering to try to hide it, no longer caring what anyone in the cemetery thinks. Surely, at some point, they’ve gone through the same thing and can understand. They’re at a cemetery after all. And if not, fuck them. Fuck everyone who doesn’t understand, who thinks I should just move on. How can they not get that sitting there, looking at his picture, looking at those eyes that seem so alive, so real, that all I want in the world is to touch him? To feel the warmth of his skin instead of the cold, unforgiving, concrete or whatever that damn photo is made from. To smell him, to feel his lips against mine. All I want is one more day. Hell, I’ll even settle for an hour. Just one more hour to talk to him, to say everything I didn’t say but should’ve. One more hour, to see if it could change the outcome, to prevent the void inside of me. To make sure he truly knew how loved he was. And then, something breaks inside of me.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last wk.

Our cancer baby has rapidly decompensated over the past few days and we are faced with making that call. Tonight he came with me to bring my daughter to dance and then we watched the sunset together at the beach. I will miss my best friend more than words. #cats #catmom #cancersucks #catsky

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last wk.

Our county jumpsuits are an awkward green that would wash me out. It keeps me honest and reminds me to take a break for self-care when I feel like I might snap… #reading #books #booklover #selfcare #booksky

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last wk.

For today’s #wipsnips word “month”, Emily is having very strong feelings about the start of her journey with trying to conceive via IUI. #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

“How long until you get your lab results?” Thank god for Lydia.
“A week maybe?” Doctor Coldasfuck had been very clear. We’re on their timeline. Which is completely subjective and anybody’s guess as every person’s journey is unique. She could call us in two days. It could be two weeks. And then, if everything looked good, we’d get to try.
Try. No guarantees. A very expensive try. How is viagra covered by insurance but creating life isn’t? Samantha made it very clear how expensive her hospital bills were each time she delivered, like she was on some exotic, all inclusive vacation, instead of pushing a screaming, bloody watermelon out of her body that had just squatted there for nine months. A person could go into debt just delivering a baby. But old men’s limp dicks? Yea, let’s throw money at that cause.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last wk.

A little self care on this Sunday 📚☕️🍎🧀🕯️ #selfcare #selfcaresunday #books #bookstagram #reading

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last wk.

Today’s #wipsnips word is “distract” #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

The valet bolted from where he’d been holding my car door open in a failed attempt to catch me before I fell. “Are you okay, señorita?”
         As he grabbed my arm to help me back to my feet, I barely noticed the huge scrape across my right knee that had started to bleed. I frantically looked around for my phone, which had fallen somewhere in the chaos, while distractedly nodding my thank you at him. A small crowd had formed, watching the whole spectacle, some of them looking concerned, most of them snickering. That was the problem with living in a town full of wannabe models and rockstars; everyone was all too happy to see you fall on your face. Or, in my case, your ass.
         “Anne, are you still there?” I nearly shouted into the phone as I grabbed it from the foot of the stairs. My mind was racing and I needed answers to stop it from spinning me in circles.
         “Yea, B. I’m here.” Her words were barely audible and I wished more than anything we weren’t a thousand miles away from each other.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last wk.

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. The tote bins full of decorations are out, Fleetwood Mac is on the record player, and I’m summoning my coven 😉👻💀🕷️🎃🧙🏼‍♀️ #halloween #witchy #witch #halloweenvibes #witchyvibes

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

It can look like Robin Williams, like Twitch. It can look like your neighbor, your coworker, your child’s teacher. It can look like me, like you. Look out for one another, for yourself. The world is a better place with you in it. #suicide #suicideprevention #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

Every day on my lunch break, I decompress in the sunshine & fresh air, usually with a book or getting in some writing. Today, I get a text from my friend & coworker with this photo, asking if that’s me lounging outside like Cleopatra 😂😂😂 #selfcare #lunchbreak #work #creepy #friends

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

When you’re getting older and still single so you start talking about having a kid with a good friend. Today’s #wipsnips word is “teeth”, which is found in “tether” 😁 #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

“I saw you with that baby when we were shopping the other day. The one in the stroller with the little giraffe teether thing. You were enthralled. The ceiling could’ve collapsed and you wouldn’t have had a clue. You can’t sit here and tell me you don’t want to have kids.” I sat there, staring pleadingly at him for a brief moment before a sudden realization hit me like a brick wall. “Fuck. Shit. Is it just that you don’t want to have kids with me?”

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

Today’s #wipsnips word is “mental” #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

As I drove to the hospital, my mind wandered. I’d never been inside a mental ward before, what if I couldn’t handle it? I pictured the women in Girl, Interrupted and shuddered. Would there be people there talking to themselves? Or to the walls? Would they be drooling or staring off into space? What if they were angry and violent and had to be restrained? I imagined Britney Murphy in the room down the hall from Marc, peering cautiously from her doorway, a dozen chicken carcasses rotting under her bed. So many possibilities swirled through my head and I didn’t know if it was something I was ready for. Could I really see Marc in a place like that? What if he’d become one of them?

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

New night, new book #reading #books #book #booksky

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

For today’s #wipsnips word “elevator”, we’re going down, definitely not being lifted up. #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky #grief

It didn’t take them long to find an open bed at an inpatient hospital about a half hour away. The social worker came in and explained the hospital would transport him there in an ambulance and his parents should go home and pack a bag for him and then meet him there. They went over a list of things he couldn’t have when he was there and a whole bunch of other information I couldn’t manage to focus on. The whole situation had just become so surreal and Marc was sobbing, begging to go home again, and Big Marc was just going back to the deli. Nothing seemed like it would ever be okay again.
Before I knew it, they had wheeled him out of the room and down the hallway. I could hear him crying the entire way to the elevator as my heart plummeted to the disinfectant covered floors.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

Can the “good girl” and the “bad boy” work out? TW for today’s #wipsnips word “sigh” ~ drugs. #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what it’s for.” I pulled over, put the car in park, and stared at Marc with my arms crossed.

He let out a sigh. “He owes his dealer and the guy’s on his way to collect. He’s fucked if he doesn’t have it. It’ll just take a few minutes.”

“You want me to drive you to a drug deal?” I asked incredulously.

“Technically, no. No drugs are exchanging hands,” Marc reasoned. “Just the money.”

“That’s for the drugs.” I argued back.

“Are you gonna take me or not?” Marc huffed.

“Or not,” I shook my head. “I’m not getting involved in that and you shouldn’t be either. And I’m certainly not enabling you. I respect you wanting to help your friend but not by involving yourself in shady shit that I thought you were getting away from. Can’t someone else get it to him?”

I brought Marc back to the party so he could drop the cash to a friend who would play the middle man. While he reluctantly went back in the yard with the cash, no doubt getting teased by losers for leaving in the first place, I wondered what I’d gotten myself into with him and if it was all a mistake.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 2w ago

Had a great time shopping the Labor Day sale at our favorite in town bookshop, Book and Mortar. #books #reading #shoplocal #indiebookstore #booksky #booklovers #readingcommunity #readmorebooks

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 3w ago

Summer days are drifting away and I’m not ready. Soaking up every last second ☀️ #beach #summer #selfcare #books #reading #booksky

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 3w ago

TW for today’s #wipsnips word “collapse”: substance use. #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writesky #writersky #grief

She walked into the kitchen and reached for the bottle of pain killers that was spilled over in the sink.
“Have you been taking these? Where are you even getting these? Bianca, what the fuck?”
I looked at the fear in my friend’s eyes and broke. “Shit, Allie, I know. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know how to do any of this. It’s so fucking hard and life just keeps going on, you know? But how? How am I supposed to just keep going on? How does anyone do that? It’s too fucking hard, Allie, it’s too hard.”
Allie ran over and caught me right before I collapsed on the floor. She sat down on the dirty kitchen floor and held my head in her lap as I sobbed. Neither of us said another word. There were no words to say.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 3w ago

For today’s #wipsnips word “chip”, we learn that even bad boys love a good Ring Pop #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

As we made our way to the register, Marc was like a kid in a candy store. Or like a kid on the check-out line, bombarded with a bazillion candy options, popcorn, chips, cotton candy, etc. And, like a kid, Marc wanted them all. I agreed to buy him one thing of his choosing if he behaved on the line. Marc picked up a watermelon Ring Pop, immediately opening the wrapper and sliding the little plastic ring onto his pinky.
“Who are you? The Godfather of the Ring Pop Mob?” I leaned in, taking a lick.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 3w ago

We did a thing today. And it was delicious! Homemade frickles for the win! #cooking #pickles #selfcare #familytime #yum

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 3w ago

I did way too much adulting today. I’ve absolutely earned a new book in bed with my heating pad ❤️📚 #books #booksky #read #reading #selfcare

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

Today’s #wipsnips word is “snuggle” Bianca finds herself unable to truly enjoy the moment, wondering just how “ex” Marc’s ex is & if he’s really as smitten with her as she is with him. He’s holding something back, she just can’t figure out what #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

We lay there next to each other as I caught my breath. Rolling over, I reached for his waistband. “Time to return the favor.” Marc put his hand gently over mine and slowly slid it to the side, our fingers intertwined.
“I’m kinda tired now. Maybe we could just snuggle for the rest of the night.”
He reached down and handed the photos back to me, wrapping me tightly inside his big spoon, and I knew I should’ve been thrilled. A guy who took me shoe shopping, enjoys going down on me and wants nothing in return? Wasn’t that basically every girl’s dream? But I couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that it had something to do with Eva, like his penis belonged only to her. Like I was desperately falling for someone who only viewed me as a layover.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

The perfect morning off. Reading in bed with my mini-me and Meow. Our cancer fur-baby has decided he likes upstairs again, specifically my room, which means we’re not sleeping on the floor anymore, thank goodness 😂. Just soaking in all the love #books #booksky #reading #momlife #cats #catsky

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

Today’s #wipsnips word is “symbol” Bianca is rambling to Marc’s ghost about a scene in Grey’s Anatomy, which they always used to watch together, and she’s now relating to her own situation. #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

“Anyway, Izzy accidentally killed her fiancé when she was trying to save his life. Which I guess would give you guilt similar to your boyfriend killing himself after you tried to save his life. So now she’s seeing him or sensing him or whatever, it’s all very symbolic, everywhere she goes. He’s with her everywhere and she can’t get rid of him. She’s trying to and he won’t go away and he keeps saying he’s there for her. What kind of bullshit is that, I kept thinking. But now I think I get it. Even though it looks like she can really see him and touch him, it’s all in her head. It’s all just amazingly symbolic. It’s her memories of him, her holding on to the memory of him, that’s haunting her. It’s not even actually Denny. Oh, that’s the boyfriend’s name. And sure, he’s there for her. To watch over her and be her guardian angel, right? Because that’s what we all think. That when people we love die, they’re watching over us and protecting us. Shit, that’s what Evil thinks based ion her cards and I’m telling you right now, if you’re spending a single second of your afterlife with her, I’m done talking to you right now. But seriously, is that the way it works? Is Denny really watching over her or does she just think he is because it comforts her? And, if believing that is keeping her from being able to let go and move on with her life, is it really comforting her anyway or is it hurting her more than anything? Do you think people can move on without letting go? Because I don’t want to let go.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

Today’s #wipsnips word is “panic” #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writersky #writesky

“At some point you meet someone and you realize the things you want aren’t the same anymore. You realize it’s not about who you want to go out partying with on Saturday night. Sure, that’s fun and all, but you can’t build a life on that. No, it’s about who you want to stay home with. Who you want to wake up with. It’s about who you want to make coffee for in the mornings.” I paused before adding softly, “You realize you might actually want to build a life with someone.”
Marc was quiet for a second and I began to panic. I was suddenly feeling very vulnerable, terrified I’d scared him off. Had I said too much?
“Are you saying you want to make me coffee in the mornings?” he asked, that smoldering grin that always left me helpless spread across his face.
“Absolutely not,” I said firmly, leaning over and taking a sip from his milkshake. “I’m saying I want you to make me coffee in the mornings.”
“I think I like the sound of that,” he laughed, leaning in and kissing my cheek as I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

Figured it was finally time to find out if the books are better. Have you read any Harlan Coben? Any instances of any book turned movie or show where you thought the book wasn’t actually better? I actually have one and it’s in the comments 🤫 #reading #books #booksky #booktok #netflix

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

Armani & Cigarettes is inspired by a true story of love, tragedy, friendship, & figuring out who we are when life keeps pulling the ground out from under us. This story and the people & events that inspired it, mean the world to me. They deserve to be shared. #writer #writerslife #author #books

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · 4w ago

Rain is falling outside. My mini me is curled up, asleep, next to me. We have nowhere we need to be. I have a book, coffee, and I’m pretty sure everything I need right here, in this moment. #sunday #sundayvibes #weekend #weekendvibes #morning #rainyday #rain #books #booksky #read #reading #momlife

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last mo.

#bookish finds at Home Goods! @homegoods.bsky.social I get so excited seeing a love of books and literacy out and about in the wild. #books #booksky #shopping #fall

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last mo.

I definitely shared part of this #wipsnip before. Today’s word is “album” #writingcommunity #writingprompts #writesky #writersky

Marc’s eyes were closed and he looked like he’d fallen asleep. I curled my legs up into my chest and sat there in the dark in the little vinyl and metal chair, quietly singing Like You’ll Never See Me Again, by Alicia Keys, tears rising up in my throat. The album had dropped that year and it was amazing how many of its songs resonated with me, like a soundtrack to us. I heard Marc start to cry and realized he was still awake. Carefully moving the wires and tubes and crawling into bed next to him, I wiped away his tears as I continued to sing. The night nurse came in to check his vitals a few minutes later. I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat as I started to get up from the bed, expecting her to chastise me for being there past visiting hours. The nurse looked back and forth between us.
“I don’t mind if you stay, sugar” she said quietly. They were the sweetest words I had ever heard in my entire life.

Ramblings of a Wannabe Writer @kaylee-scott.bsky.social · last mo.

On this #caturday, my favorites snuggling each other on the floor since that’s the only place our cancer kitty will sleep #cancer #cats #cat #catsky #catmom