Jared Freid
@jaredfreid.bsky.social
Comedian. Complainer. Eater. “37 and Single” is streaming on Netflix now!
There should be an uber setting where all farts are allowed. The passenger. The driver. Let them fly. But they have to be done silently and no eye contact can be made when a fart happens. UberGassy. I’d pay a premium for that after sleeping at a woman’s apartment.
There’s no judgement at a diner. Ribs at 8AM?! Go for it. Full bar?! We’ve got it! Scrambled eggs with a cup of lentil soup? Ok! Expensive coffee places will act like they’ve never heard of sweet’n low and passive aggressively say, “WE HAVE SIMPLE SYRUP.”
Starstruck! Folks, if you haven't already, check out Jared's special on Netflix, "37 and Single." Hilarious standup
Jared Freid@jaredfreid.bsky.social · 2y agoThank you! Just taped a special Saturday!
Dating gets harder as you get older because it’s like “do I want to have a conversation with someone new?! Or do I want to sit under a blanket while touching my left nipple and eating a burrito in my apartment that I pay for comfortably?”
I shouldn’t feel like my child got away from me during our trip to the zoo when I don’t feel my phone in my pocket when it’s actually in my left hand.
I’m immediately turned off by anyone posting content from Art Basel. They never post the art. The whole thing feels like a guy named Arthur Basel who has rich kids over to keep up the lie that they’re working on something to their parents who are paying for their lifestyle.
I found a tshirt that fits well. Now I just can’t lose or gain a pound and never wash it and stand completely still while I wear it and I’ll be good to go.
It’s very me to think, “I’ll just get to the new year and then I’ll make some changes” on December 5th.
No weirder time for singles over 30 than between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Dating someone a month by new years? Kissing during the ball drop like you’ve been married since college? Talking to a couple with a baby like you both don’t still have your own childhood blankies?
Happy Thanksgiving to the family dog who has no idea why a full Turkey dinner ended up in his bowl but he's not going to ask any questions.