I was going to get stuff done this morning but I cancelled it

Pro tip: if you’re tired of retail workers asking you for your phone number or to sign up for their store card, tell them you’ve been deemed legally incompetent by the courts and they won’t hit you with the “Are you suuuure? You could save 15%”

Sure but when I wear MY Jimmy Carter pajamas I get made fun of 😭

The four Mad Men episodes I can’t wait for Gen Z to watch

Normally I’m not big on patting myself on the back BUT last night I did clean out my garage so I could actually park my car in it before the weather showed up

This almost looks like lake effect snow, it’s so thicc

She said Santa must be tired of milk and cookies, let’s give him a real treat

Deer seizing the opportunity to avenge his family members lost on the highway

Firing this up thanks to a 7 day Twitter ban, because MAGA is so upset I shared a TikTok about ICE getting embarrassed in the Target parking lot that they sent me death threats, mass reported my account, and called my 70 yr old mom to harass her on Christmas Day

Who is handing these things out??

Apparently we aren’t even allowed to build single family homes in Mac Grove anymore

Why pick one candidate when we could have Mayor DeFatJazz

Congrats to Hannah and Jon on the purchase of their first house! These guys wanted to stop throwing their rent money away and start earning some sweat equity instead, so we found the perfect pre-1900 bungalow to make their own in St Paul. Enjoy your new home! ☀️🏡❤️

Wow that’s crazy. I guess it really is important to do your own research

A right-winger googled my job and casually threatened to out me for telling someone to shut the fuck up for harassing Nick Swardson to make Grandma’s Boy 2, they are no longer in control of the monster of their own creation

My favorite fever dream of a house is back on the market in Plymouth. 10,000 sq ft of stunningly incoherent styling that is eclipsed only by the mountain of cocaine required to conceptualize it. It’s a 6 bed, 5 bath, 10,277 sq ft masterpiece for a cool 2.9 million if anyone wants to start a cult

The real irony of the modern conservative movement is that through their hypocrisy and willingness to dismantle the constitution over petty grievances, I have actually become both more patriotic and closer to the literal teachings of Jesus Christ. Mission complete?

I’m not going to name any names, but I just want everyone to know I tried to get my work team to sponsor a lesbian lube wrestling competition and SOMEBODY said no

Minneapolis has a mayoral candidate whose website reads “As your mayor, I will get a permit and Minneapolis road crews will exhume Humphrey’s body from Lakewood Cemetery and I will shove his hat down his f*cking neck myself with my bare hands for every American citizen to see.”

Listen I love titties as much as the next person but you gotta take them down when you list the house. It’s an uphill battle to sell someone on it after they’ve called it a gooner cave

Missing the first day of the MN State Fair to open for Eric Trump at a crypto freak off is nasty work

The more research I do on insulation, the more I’m convinced we have to rethink public policy around efficiency in old homes. Unfortunately these reports aren’t as useful as they could be when buying a house, because simply appraising if insulation exists doesn’t tell us much.

The actual Roger Stone yelled at me on my own post and I yelled at him back. Happy Labor Day

This is an article from the Detroit Free Press on February 2, 1995 that featured me and the one-room school I attended up to 6th grade

Mirage garage

Every time you see an actual republican tweet the words “brazen cheating” today, don’t forget to thank Darwin for this now-deleted post he had to walk back after someone explained what the report actually said to him

I’m actually really upset about this. These uniforms should be WAY sluttier. We used to be a real country

Immaculate 1891 woodwork in St Paul

New homeowner fear unlocked: the city knocks on your door and tells you the neighbor across the street is selling and discovered a break in the sewer line where your line joins theirs in a weird breach before the city main, and now half the bill is your responsibility…