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Jeff Tiedrich

@jefftiedrich.bsky.social

ugh, who invited this guy

5105 Posts394697 Follower109 Folgt
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 22h ago

how hilarious is it that the one time America's tipsiest US Attorney does the right thing, she lands in a world of trouble. welcome to the Donnyverse, Jeanine — you chose that! thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock all that shit. link is here: bit.ly/3TS4q0s

US Attorney Jeanine Pirro is the latest member of the Donnyverse to find herself caught between an overfull diaper and a hard place. Dear Leader is super fucking pissed at her right now, and it seems a safe bet that she’ll soon be tossed onto the Great Shitpile of Discarded Flunkies. holy shit, I think I might actually be overdosing on schadenfreude right now.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 23h ago

Preznit Fuckwit is hella mad at America's tipsiest US Attorney right now. you know what? boo fucking hoo. I'm actually overdosing on schadenfreude right now. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I laugh at how she clownfucked her own stupid career. link is here: bit.ly/3TS4q0s

at the end of the day, Attorney Boxwine has poured gasoline all over her career and set it on fire. where does she go next? who’s going to hire her? Fox News? I doubt it. anyway, who gives a shit, really? she fucking sucks. enjoy your one-way ticket to nowheresville, Jeanine. you earned it.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 2d ago

Bobby Brainworms went on Dana Bash's show and was a condescending misogynistic prick to her, laughing at her, shouting over her, and generally being an asshole. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I rip this fuckface several new ones. link is here: bit.ly/45Eb8d4

Bobby Brainworms Jr. is what would happen if Dunning and Kruger had a baby — and then dropped it on its head. just like Dear Leader, Bobby’s a fucking moron who is serenely convinced of his own supreme genius. yesterday, he went on CNN’s State of the Union and taught a master class in why you should never put a whale-head-chainsawing maniac in charge of an entire nation’s health and well-being.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 2d ago

Preznit Fuckwit cheats his way another pretend golf championship, Bobby Brainworms Jr is a condescending prick to Dana Bash, and Donny's balding head gets caught in a gust of wind. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock all that shit. link is here: bit.ly/45Eb8d4

Donny is that kid whose house you never wanted to go to, because he would burst into tears and throw a tantrum if you didn’t let him beat you at every game — and then he would have the nerve to lord it over you. notice how you never see Donny compete in any other golf championships, aside from the ones at his own golf motels. that’s because he would get his ass kicked, if he had to play a game that hadn’t been rigged in his favor. they shouldn’t even call it a championship, when Donny is involved, because it’s not. it’s a championshit. how does Dear Leader win, year after year? it’s simple: he cheats — and everyone knows it, and everyone lets it happen. Rick Reilly wrote a whole book about it, called Commander in Cheat. but you don’t have to read any book to know that Donny’s a cheater. he’s not subtle or sneaky about it. he does it right out in the open. the entire world got an eyeful at last year’s Ex-Wife Cemetery Championshit, when we all saw Donny’s caddy take a fresh ball out of his pocket and casually toss it onto the green, where Donny could easily sink it.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 3d ago

the entire Donnyverse is hella mad at America's tipsiest US Attorney right now, for failing to lock up an Olympian for the heinous crime of touching water. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock all these stupid dipshits. link is here: bit.ly/45moF9j

so now US Attorney Boxwine is 0 for 2 in high-profile cases. she couldn’t bring a conviction for Assault With a Deadly Sandwich, and her indictment for Grand Theft Paint Chips has just blown up in her inebriated face. but she did manage to turn the lives two innocent people upside down, so she’s got that going for her. which is nice.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 4d ago

MAGA says high gas prices are a liberal plot to make Dear Leader look bad, and that Charlie Kirk has a job at Jesus' corporate HQ. I cover all the dumbfuckery that happened in "this week in stupid," my every-Saturday wrap-up. thank you for your attention to this link: bit.ly/4w5lKN8

imagine having your brain become so waterlogged from marinating in Preznit Fuckwit’s fever-swamp fairy tales that facts and reason can no longer penetrate it. scientists at the famed Walter Reed Medical Center have put a name to this malady, the inability of MAGA to process basic information and reach a logical conclusion. they call it fuckbrainscabosis. so, for those of you keeping score at home, high gas prices were definitely Sleepy Joe Brandon’s fault. but nothing is ever Dear Leader’s fault. the heartbreak of fuckbrainscabosis. won’t you help find a cure?
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 4d ago

this week, MAGA asked a question: what would you do if, as a batter, a major league pitcher *accidentally* threw a Christian baby at you? thank you for your attention to "this week in stupid," my every-Saturday wrap-up of the dumbest fucking shit that happened. link is here: bit.ly/4w5lKN8

imagine that you’re a pitcher. you go into your windup, and as you grasp what you expect to be the baseball, you realize, ‘holy shit, that’s not a ball. that’s a baby. how the hell did that thing get in there?’ and, because apparently you’re keenly attuned to these things, as the baby leaves your hand, you go, ‘oh fuck, that’s a Christian baby.’ now, imagine you’re the batter. you watch the Christian baby leave the pitcher’s hand, and, from the infant’s rotation, you instinctively realize that you’ve been thrown a curvebaby — and it’s right down the middle of the plate. dude, that shit’s right in your wheelhouse. so, what do you do?
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 5d ago

no, idiots, the covid vaccine isn't made of fetus parts. Republicans weren't just dragging Dr. Fauci through the mud — they were using the hearings to dredge up every dumbfuck covid conspiracy theory under the sun. thank you for your attention to my very angry post. link is here: bit.ly/3S6jyqv

so, Rep. John McGuire is just making shit up and lying through his teeth in order to smear Dr. Fauci’s good name, and to fill the heads of Newsmax’s audience with dangerous garbage. this level of fuckery is unsustainable. you cannot have a functional democracy when the party in power has had their brains pickled by counterfactual nonsense, and then recklessly feeds that shit to their gullible base. John McGuire and his ilk can fuck straight off all the way to Mars.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 6d ago

Republicans are shit at governing, but they're awesome at performative wankery — so they're throwing red meat to the MAGA chuds by persecuting Dr. Fauci for his imaginary crimes. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock their dumbfuckery. link is here: bit.ly/4vVYPni

what a great use of the Senate’s time and resources, am I right? Republicans don’t have a single idea right now for how to improve the lives of We the People, so they’ve decided instead to throw red meat to their MAGA base, and keep the cultists distracted by reviving their six-year-old grievances against the hero who did his best to keep President Horsepaste McBleachguzzle from botching the covid crisis.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 7d ago

because we live in the dumbest fucking timeline ever, Sean Hannity turned Lindsey Graham's funeral into a Dear Leader ass-smooching competition. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I document the atrocities. link is here: bit.ly/4wps5nr

“Lindsey, Mr. President, I would argue in my mind, probably has a heavenly version of Mar-a-Lago. it may even be a little bigger. he may have a little more gold in the Oval Office in his mansion in Heaven. and I wouldn’t be surprised if he added one big beautiful ballroom and an arch somewhere on the property. because he would want to obviously duplicate his dearest friend in life. you, Mr. President.” oh sure. who among us wouldn’t want our own vermin-infested ethereal golf motel when we pass, complete with an Epstein Dance Hall and an Oval Bordello? welcome to the sad state of America in this year of our lord 2026, where every event — be it a cabinet meeting or a state funeral — must inevitably devolve into an ass-kissing session in honor of a thin-skinned colicky piss-baby who will throw a five-alarm shit-fit if he isn’t lavished with over-the-top praise every minute of his soft, pampered life. oops, there he goes again. where’s the diaper nurse? it’s all so eternally fucking embarrassing.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · 7d ago

at Lindsey Graham's funeral, Donny cracked unfunny jokes, behaved weirdly, and then fell asleep, filling the church with the pungent aroma of ass music. people were grimacing from the stench. thank you for your attention to my post, in which I mock all that fuckery. link is here: bit.ly/4wps5nr

and then, when he was finished delivering his eulogy, Donny knocked on Lindsey’s coffin. hello, hello — is anyone home? is that a thing? who does that? what do you think Donny was saying, as he was rappy-tappy-tapping? ‘hey, Lindsey, did you know that Stephen Miller sleeps in one of these?’
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · last wk.

yesterday, Donny told a story about "Trenderaguans" who cut off people's fingers. where the fuck is Trenderagua? racist, demented and stupid is no way to go through life, son. I dissect Donny's entire batshit speech in today's post, thank you for your attention. link is here: bit.ly/4bBukvJ

where the fuck is Trenderagua, anyway? someone should ask Dear Leader to point to it on a map. I’d pay good money to watch that happen. racist, demented and stupid is no way to go through life, son. who is filling Donny’s ears with this racist garbage? my guess is Nosferatu McGoebbels — because ‘finger-cutting furriners’ sounds exactly like the kind of high-pitched hysterical horse shit that squirts out of his undead mouth. I’ll bet Donny calls him up in the middle of the night and goes, ‘Stephen, I can’t sleep. tell me the story about the fingers again.’
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · last wk.

Preznit Fuckwit gave another racist speech yesterday, and I'm just so tired of having the firehose of stupidity sprayed right in our faces, every single day. I'll bet you are, too. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I bring the receipts. link is here: bit.ly/4bBukvJ

he’s so fucking exhausting. you want nothing more in this ever-loving world than to have a break from him — but there he is, hogging the headlines and sucking all the air out of the room. he’s right in your face, every single goddamned day. the ignorance. the arrogance. the greed. the incompetence. the malignant narcissism. the preening grandiosity. the bottomless ego. the monumental stupidity. the homophobia, transphobia and misogyny. the cheap, ill-fitting suits. the poorly-applied radioactive makeup. the rotting hands, the bloated cankles and the sagging neckgina. the fucked-up rat’s nest of cotton-candy bullshit perched atop his big, dumb pumpkin head. the disgusting racism.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · last wk.

Donny's personal diaper-nurse is just as horrible as he is. the two of them spent the entire day Sunday posting transphobia and other batshit dumbfuckery onto his crappy app. thank you for your attention to today's post, in which I mock all that shit. link is here: bit.ly/4fzAihB

Dear Leader is bugfuck nuts. we know this. it’s not open to debate. we’ve all seen the erratic behavior. the pants-shittingly infantile tantrums. the utter lack of impulse control. the mood swings. the ever-shifting incoherence he wreaks on the world, as the family of raccoons that live inside his fat, waterlogged head randomly chew through all the wires. but you know who else is equally deranged? Preznit Fuckwit’s stalker-slash-diaper-nurse, that’s who. you know who I’m talking about: the Ivanka-esque blonde who’s ever-present, following three steps behind Dear Leader, everywhere he goes. the one whose official job is to make a broken-inside rage-baby feel good about himself.
Jeff Tiedrich@jefftiedrich.bsky.social · last wk.

question for the White House correspondents: why the fuck would you invite your abuser to come and insult you all? and why the fuck wouldn't you walk on out him? thank you for your attention to today's extremely angry post, in which I rip everyone several new ones. link is her: bit.ly/4fTf7sa

who thought this was a good idea? come on, you work with this toad every day. you knew what you were getting. you knew he wasn’t going to stand up there and make good-natured jokes like Obama, or Biden, or Bush, or any other normal fucking president would have. you knew that Donny was going to shit the bed. you knew he was going to stand before you and insult you all to your faces — especially the women. for fuck’s sake, it’s what he does every day of your lives — in the Oval Bordello and aboard Fuckface Force One — should any one of you dare ask him a question he doesn’t like. he hates you. he calls you ‘fake news.’ he calls you ‘the enemy of the people.’ so why invite him to your little self-congratulatory party? seriously, what do you get out of it? besides a generous view of Donny’s voluptuous neckgina, that is.