jjjscott
@jjjscottnz.bsky.social
Normal person who posts normal posts while the more normal person is not posting their normal posts
Bought the Atlanta Aquarium’s “swim with a whale shark“ ticket, and let’s just say a certain liquid part of me will forever be a part of this beautiful place.
Guy in the gas station stall beside me said it sounded like I was pulling off too much toilet paper. He needs to mind his own damn business.
Had a dream I scratched my balls in front of the queen and she had me publicly executed.
While in the hospital for my CEO-induced TBI, my brain crossed some wires somewhere and, instead of becoming addicted to the ketamine they keep feeding me, I’ve developed a physical reliance on Desperate Housewives of New Jersey. Had to fight three nurses last night before they’d put it back on.
The family’s statement regarding what neighbors are calling “The Ban Hammer Incident”
jjjscott@jjjscottnz.bsky.social · 2w agoHiding under James’ bed tonight to jump out and scare him at midnight. This prank will be legendary! Just gotta hope his missus remembered to hide his “intruder hammer” from his side table…
Hiding under James’ bed tonight to jump out and scare him at midnight. This prank will be legendary! Just gotta hope his missus remembered to hide his “intruder hammer” from his side table…
Cool guy on the subway invited me to this exclusive club called the “Twinkie Bar” or something like that. He even said he’d get my first drink tonight. What a swell guy!
Starting next set we will be banning any player that shows up to a Calling in a green Zelda shirt and khaki shorts. Time away will help them find themselves.
Got a letter from my local proctologist saying that they’re doing a 2-for-1 special
That dawg inside me has passed away from liver complications
The prophecy said today would be a good day. Not sure for who though.
Gonna set up a chessboard on my chest after I take my Benadryl tonight and show The Hat Man who the REAL king of the house is
I don’t throw away my socks when they get holes in them. It’s healthy for my puppies to breathe some air.
Taught my Tamagotchi about the economy and now all it wants to do is listen to Fall Out Boy
Drank too much Dr Pepper at the function last night. Ooouuurehhghhhhhh……
Learned from a TikTok that I can eat my meat raw by leaving it in the sun for a few hours so the solar radiation kills all the parasites. Tastes better this way.
Thinking about Plate Tectonics. Pointed my speedometer at the ground and it said 0, so I’m not sure if I buy into that mumbo jumbo.
Entering the whole rotisserie chicken eating contest later today. I’ve gotten my personal best down to 4 bites.
Stubbed my toe so hard that the toebone shot up my calf and it’s now a large lump on the front of my kneecap. Doctor said there’s nothing they can do. Gonna get a second opinion.
I knew I shouldn’t have stolen the goblin queen’s jewels. Her soldiers are closing in on my position. If you don’t hear from me in 2 months time, assume the worst and send the coroner to the enchanted forest to collect what they leave of my remains.