The only good thing about the Trump Administration is watching horrible people get fucked.
Middle Age Riot
@middleageriot.bsky.social
Jokes by John Hartzell. He/him.
Donald Trump: "I'm going to raise tariffs and start a war to make everything more expensive for no reason." MAGA: "I can't afford to support my family because Joe Biden made schoolchildren trans."
Donald Trump told reporters he feels "badly" for Max Miller, a Republican congressman accused of abusing his wife, and hopes Miller can "work it out." The only thing less surprising than a Republican politician abusing his wife is Donald Trump empathizing with the abuser.
Q: Is Ariana Grande too skinny? A: The President of the United States raped children.
Republicans seem genuinely shocked when they repeat the same lies over and over again yet fail to convince the rest of us that what we saw with our own eyes didn't happen.
Girl: "Grandpa, what did you do when Donald Trump was president?" Grandpa: "Well, sweetie, I wore a MAGA hat, shared anti-trans memes on social media, pretended to have seizures in reaction to a vaccine, and reported my neighbor's babysitter to ICE." Girl: *pulls plug*
"This is Iran's last chance." - Donald Trump, for the 57th time
"I am very disappointed with Jeanine Pirro. She folded like an umbrella." - Donald Trump, who can't fold an umbrella
If you gargled iodine, drank bleach, swallowed hydroxychloroquine, injected Formula 409, gobbled horse dewormer, or shined a flashlight up your own ass to prevent COVID-19, you don't get an opinion on Dr. Fauci.
LEFT TO RIGHT: Defeated the British, freed the slaves, raped the children.
He's a moron. He's always been a moron. You're a moron for voting for him.
"I probably was abused more than anybody in the history of our country." - Donald Trump, the biggest crybaby in the history of our country
FACT: Donald Trump is terrible at everything and Dr. Fauci was the only thing keeping him from killing more of you MAGA dumbfucks.
The January 6 rioters are a patriot's idea of traitors and a traitor's idea of patriots.
It should come as no surprise that these idiots don't understand vaccines.
Donald Trump pleaded the Fifth. Eric Trump pleaded the Fifth. Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, and Alex Jones pleaded the Fifth. Thirty-four January 6th "patriots" pleaded the Fifth. Republicans love the Fifth Amendment so much, the Second Amendment is jealous.
Ron and Rand Paul prove the genetic theory that asshole is not only hereditary, it's a dominant trait.
Rand Paul doesn't belong in the Senate. He belongs in a Montana cabin writing manifestos on the insides of ripped open Slim Jim boxes.
Today's Republican Party is almost completely defined by its willingness to pretend Donald Trump isn't doing shit he is obviously doing.
No medical or technological breakthroughs have ever been achieved using conspiracy theories, which is why Rand Paul is a Republican politician and not a scientist.
Stop posting insane bullshit at 2 a.m. and maybe you'll be able to stay awake during a friend's funeral, you greasy fuck.
Putin: "I'm giving Iran military intelligence so they can target U.S. troops. Is that okay with you, bitch?"
Dr. Fauci: "Get vaccinated." Republicans: "No." Dr. Fauci: "Wear masks." Republicans: "No." Dr. Fauci: "Socially distance." Republicans: "No." (A million-plus Americans die from COVID.) Republicans: "Prosecute Fauci!"
The same people who think the moon landing was faked think this is real.
Of all the people who are no Jack Kennedy, Donald Trump is no Jack Kennedy the most.
Donald Trump hates reporters because they combine his two least favorite things: facts and reading.
For such a horrible stand-up comedian, Donald Trump sure is a shitty president.
In a reversal of his attempts to rename institutions and places after himself, Donald Trump has directed the Department of the Interior to change the San Andreas Fault to Joe Biden's Fault.
