Tried on my jeans last night for the first time since approx May. Disappointingly they’ve “shrunk” again. I looked like a genie emerging from his lamp
Ben
@safers.bsky.social
Bit of a rotter, will work for food. Owns way too many shoes. He/him (fe/ei 🏴 ) I try to be a good ally Tell your cat I said hi. (Previously known as @safeasfuck)
That NatWest advert that ripped off The Littlest Hobo & the cartoon dog had a clearly visible anus
Irish News 🇮🇪@news-flows-ir.bsky.social · 2d agoWhat famous scenes are in the epic Bayeux Tapestry? The 70m (230ft) tapestry, which tells the story of the Norman Conquest and the Battle of Hastings in 1066, will be on display the British Museum.
Bit of a “first world problems” but why are people so cunty? We’ve (reluctantly) taken our kid to football at TEN AM every Saturday throughout July & half of August. The dude running it has bombarded the WhatsApp group about signing up (and paying obvs) for the autumn term Got a message
IVE JUST STEPPED IN CAT SHIT BAREFOOT!!!!!!!! Gonna need my whole leg amputated I think
29 years since me & Mrs Safe were butthurt there was no Hollyoaks omnibus to sit having a whitey in front of
Good luck to all the teachers having their last hurrah of the summer holidays this weekend
Wine Drinking
ALT: Wine Drinking
static.klipy.com
Introduce yourself with 10 acts you’ve seen live: Black Crowes Cypress Hill Faith No More The Spice Girls Utah Saints Mötley Crüe Nirvana Ministry Jah Wobble Rage Against the Machine (Ask me again in 10 minutes & id prob give a different 10)
__________@jenbren.bsky.social · 5d agoIntroduce yourself with 10 acts you’ve seen live: Mötorhead Black Sabbath with Ozzy Gorillaz Blur Jesus & Mary Chain Oasis Foals Simple Minds The Reynolds Girls All Saints
Some utter cunt I am acquainted with is posting all over Facebook about how she saw Fontaines DC when they played a 200 capacity dive bar & she’ll never get to see them live again & how odd it is to see songs she loves played on such a big scale & blah blah I fucking loathe gatekeepers
Just taken the boy swimming. THERE WAS A CODE BROWN ON THE KIDS SLIDE!!!
Just had to nope out at “coat of many colours”. Just typing it is making me well up #dollyattheBBC
@madstedotcom.bsky.social i thought for a moment the Newport bitcoin nutter had finally got his back, but no they were only mentioning him to take the piss out of him www.iflscience.com/man-manages-...
Man Manages To Access Bitcoin Wallet After 12 Years, Becomes An Instant Millionaire Overnight
When he lost access to his Bitcoin, it was worth around £4,000. He had to watch as it rose and rose and dipped and rose and crashed and rose again.
iflscience.com
Watching a programme about 9/11. Some tank has just said something about “angel” which is the code-word for Airforce one Why not just call it airforce one instead of having to think a code for it? It just seems childish and cringe
My local coffee shop does this thing where they give their produce cute portmanteau names I discovered this morning their chocolate brownie cookies are now called “Brookies” I suggested “briskets”. The lass looked at me like i had a welly on my head Luckily i laughed enough for everyone
I still regret to this day not buying a copy of Ministry's Jesus Built My Hotrod from the Salvation Army shop.
this is one of my favorite visual jokes of all time. i think about it several times a week.
Okay, let's do novels now. Make a novel smaller. The Peckish Games trilogy
Clownf1st @clownf1st.bsky.social · 2w agoOkay, let's do novels now. Make a novel smaller. One Year of Solitude
I nearly forgot. It’s that time of year I get to make my “look at my lovely plums” joke again
Cars fixed! Cars fixed! MY CAR IS FIXED!! My previously unresponsive steering wheel electrics are all back in full working order I can officially state that I have the horn. 📯
Cuuuuuuunnnntttttt!!!! Dropped car off at garage & immediately ran over to bus stop to get the bus home. Bus turns up 5 mins later, everything going nicely to plan Bus driver shakes his head & drives on past me I’m now walking the 3 miles home, fuming