They should invent a dishwasher that exists in my apartment

My ins and outs for 2026

New Substack post is up! I talk about media literacy, being understood and why I defend a habit that a lot of people seem to find annoying substack.com/@zolaray/not...

Are We Allergic To Nuance?

Or am I just terrible at interacting with people?

substack.com

Legend has it Cuomo is still waiting to pick up his daughters under the Kosciuszko Bridge

The concept of hot ice cream is diabolical but I hope Tyra makes a root beer flavor and calls it “We were all rooting for you”

The fact that the thieves at the Louvre didn’t steal the Mona Lisa just proves how overrated it is

Contrary to what some may think, the fact that I’m considering buying a prepackaged Halloween costume this year is a recession indicator

Ever since I googled how to make the perfect omelette, I’ve been burning my omelettes. Yet another reason the internet was a mistake

I could totally be poly as long as everyone I’m dating considers me their primary partner. Or ideally their only partner. And I would only kiss and be intimate with one of the people

So it’s Fat Bear Week and not all of the bears have names??? GIVE. ALL. THE. BEARS. NAMES.

Time to shed my white toenail polish in preparation for fall

New Substack post about yet another pet peeve of mine zolaray.substack.com/p/youre-hand...

"You're Handling This Really Well"

Disappointment, strength, and a weird pet peeve of mine

zolaray.substack.com

As a kid I was given the impression that there would be far more scenarios in which I’d find money and be able to return it to its rightful owner

My desire to hold onto summer is in conflict with the fact that I’m already looking at Halloween costumes

A case that never sat right with me: that person who doesn’t want to be my friend even though I’m so much fun

Crocs on the subway? Fine. But to have them not in sport mode? You’re playing a dangerous game, my friend

Remember those Clear Eyes commercials with Ben Stein? That’s the energy that every video from Cuomo’s campaign has except Cuomo’s not acting bland as a joke, he’s actually like that

“Will you call me in?” - Colbie Caillat trying to do better and hold herself accountable

Before you post your “end of summer” photo dump, THINK: T: Is summer actually over? H: Is it September 21st yet? I: Is it upsetting to your friends with seasonal affective disorder? N: What about global warming? K: Please slow down

My love language is Esperanto in the sense that I try to be liked by everyone but I’m understood by no one

Check out my latest Substack post about my ongoing struggle to be fashionable zolaray.substack.com/p/ive-always...

I've Always Wanted To Be Stylish

But it's just so daunting.

zolaray.substack.com

If you see a Gen X or boomer staring at their phone, you know you’re about to hear that one wheezing laugh sound from Reels

If removing the man from the Cracker Barrel logo made it “woke”, does that mean Protestants are more “woke” than Catholics since their cross doesn’t have Jesus on it?

Last night was a Modern Family episode (lots of miscommunication)

I need to have an emotional support Gmail tab open on my computer at all times

Sometimes I do this quirky thing where I think a one-hour nap will make up for a lifetime of sleep deprivation

I hate when people say “if your boyfriend takes bad pictures of you, he doesn’t love you.” Have you never heard of people being bad at things?

The only “artificial intelligence” I use is when I pretend to know what people are talking about

It makes sense that the next logical step after lookalike contests would be trope contests

Today I saw someone wearing crocs without holes in them. Boneless crocs, if you will. There was probably a time when these would have looked more normal than the ones with holes in them, but now society dictates otherwise. Really makes you think