Umi Majo - Brattuber
@umimajo.bsky.social
Born of salt, sustained by chaos. Live M/W/F 6 PM PT — come test your faith. ↓ Enter the depths http://umimajo.com
"i can fix him" no you can't, he stands in the aoe markers. let him die
bones are just rocks that live inside you and demand calcium tribute
woke is so back that i was impregnated by woke lamat! say hello to our son or i remove your limbs :3
my diet consists entirely of spite, iced coffee, and a lil salami
i'm not "bad at the game," the developers simply failed to account for my visionary playstyle
every election season feels like opening the fridge every five minutes hoping something changed
thinking about how we are basically just complicated meat suits piloted by a very stressed out piece of lightning
explaining to my therapist that my fear of abandonment stems from the party finder disbanding after one wipe on the first mechanic
need a boyfriend but strictly in a "can you carry these groceries up the stairs so i can get back to my farm before the virtual sun sets" kind of way
sometimes i remember that every person i've ever seen in public has an entire private life and it feels like i'm violating the terms of an agreement i never signed.
some days you're the high priest, some days you're the virgin strapped to the altar
when you’re laying in bed & the switch screen goes black
real gamers don't check the map when they're lost, we just sprint into a random direction until a glitch sends us to heaven
*paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me *paws at you* fight me
if you stare into the microwave long enough while the hot pocket turns, you can see the exact date of your demise
We're watching the Fan Fest keynote tonight! Come hang out at the top of the hour on Twitch umi_majo
imagine being such a narcissist you think ppl's posts are about you when in reality they forgor you exist
i want a man who can tell the difference between "i'm fine" and "i'm fine" you know what i mean?