If only we could harness the energy that comes from bewildering other people.

Nature sighting! The misting rain today will allow people to glimpse the outline of the invisible creatures that live outside your house - how fun!

News! The city’s recycling program has taken the monster formed from the remains of your enemies and entered it into a dog show.

Ending every sentence of every email with an exclamation mark!

Bad news! The city’s recycling program has taken the remains of your enemies and turned them into a multi-limbed monster crying out for revenge!

Good news! The city’s recycling program now accepts the disemboweled remains of your enemies!

Starting to think something is wrong with that tree that is bare in the summer and leafs out in the winter and whispers to everyone the day they will die.

Going to the park to feed coolant to the radioactive ducks.

Got a nifty cardigan from a vintage shop. Anyone know how to wash out the dreams of the former owner?

With the rain this year we are going to have a record number of corn fairies.

Nora realized too late she referred to herself in third person.

Sure I was honored that the human embodiment of Jupiter recognized me at the grocery store, but there is only so long I can talk about moons and a red rash that won’t go away.

Out of the pool during the lightning storm unless you are a minor elemental deity immune to the effects of.

The radio man said to stay hydrated, keep to the shade, and wear loose clothing. He’s such a flirt.

The humidity has gained sentience again.

Apparently the local courts have ruled that not everyone deserves a birthday. Sorry Tanya.

The squirrels have begun to bloom.

Our city is considering hiring a poet to deal with infrastructure problems. We may not be safer, but we might find meaning in the chaos.

Ants lined upon the sidewalk this morning to spell out “HELP”.

Anyone else’s brain keep turning into radio broadcasts from the 1960s? All the ones I get are about kidnappings.

Go to bed with sour thoughts and wake up to a lemon tree growing in your bedroom.

Got one of those package deliveries again - the kind that is so heavy no god can move it.

If I’m not overthinking things, I’m not doing what I was trained to do.

If you wake up at 4:30, get a few things done, and go back to sleep for a few hours, you can count that as a secret day.

I went for one of those early morning jogs where no one is up and you get to see a bunny and then another and another and they all start following you and you become their bunny god.

The Awareness campaign for the object that wishes to be looked at or discussed has been cancelled.

As the first to enter the office, I punch in the code and flip on the lights one by one. The shadow man retreats to the corner where no light dares to go.

Park Benches are nice, but I wouldn’t mind seeing more Alley Benches, Mid-River Benches, and Rooftop Benches.

The abandoned building across the street keeps getting large deliveries of candy.

I appreciate my neighbor for putting turn signals on her horse.