My latest on the absurd lengths we go to protect our children from everything except other children smashing into them covered in cake.

McSweeney's@mcsweeneys.net · last wk.

"Maybe we can establish some rules beyond no shoes in the bounce house, which I believe is the only requirement. I’m all for a space where they can challenge social norms, like gravity, but the cost is too great without very clear guidelines."

All I want is an eight person tent for my four person family that has never gone camping ... And other thoughts of a dad in his late 30s.

Wife: Who's playing Odysseus? Me: Matt Damon. Wife: Who? Me: Jason Bourne. Wife: Gotcha.

New work out about owning these "famous" houses of literature. Can't afford to buy? Don't miss this rental with brand new flooring and an eccentric live-in landlord.

Points in Case@pointsincase.com · 4w ago

Forget about lawn care and picking up pesky leaves now that you can call the Pequod home!

A couple consists of one person who never checks the weather and the other who carries an umbrella every day.

America: Hey look, we're putting chicken eggs in the fridge. We're so quirky and interesting. Right? Right? Rest of the world: [rolls eyes]

Instead of a second coffee, I'll go do some minor electrical work I'm completely unqualified to attempt.

A perk of being married to a writer is that my wife gets a mediocre poem for her birthday instead of something she wants or even needs.

Bats always look like they're flying for the first time.

Until AI can get my 6yo to eat something other than bread and pasta don't bother me.

Nothing says out of touch like me running my heated bathroom floor 24/7 in anticipation of being included in a localized stomach bug outbreak.

"Put it in your bits!" my 5yo shouts every time I make a joke my wife laughs at that she doesn't understand. I know I should tell her it's "... one of your bits," but she kills with that line.

Forget the horse, HER NAME IS CHESAPEAKE?! That writers' room is on fire.

InfoWars@realinfowars.bsky.social · last mo.

🚨GLOVES OFF🚨 Tim and his ex duke it out on air. InfoWarriors, it's time to weigh in: who deserves that horse?

Entering my "tweaks back just thinking about working out" era is quite confronting.

Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailor's warning. Red sky all day, sailor's dead.

At least this ever-present threat of diarrhea didn't cost me a mortgage payment to daycare.

Homer: It's about this guy trying to get back home. Homer's Partner: That's nice. Homer: Well, more things happen.

I wish I received more emails from businesses I purchased a single item from.

Me: How do writers find such good epigraphs for their work? Ph.D.: Read these 90 books in 6 months. Me: Oh.

Summer is repeating the question "Is that a tick or an ingrown hair?" to your partner until you both get lyme disease.

Am I legally required to visit REI having spent the day at a climbing gym and Trader Joe's?

Me: I'm reading 2-3 books a week for comprehensive exams prep. People: I haven't read a book in years. Me: [continues writing literary fiction for "wide audience"]

Being a father in the suburbs who does not care about lawn maintenance or golf is incredibly isolating.

You guys! They're going to cure lactose intolerance this fall! We can all relax now!

The time between the semester ending and our kids not yet on summer break is always a personal challenge because my wife knows I have no excuse to do the chores she's asked me to do since January.

There are too many ways to make coffee.

I take a deeper breath trying to catch second hand cigarette smoke than I do before submerging in water. #SmokeFreeSince2014

Today I turn 35, an age I've told people I am for months because I genuinely forgot.

Anyone have the data on if squeegeeing one's shower door is actually doing anything?

People: I know I'm late, but Sinners (2025) is great, and I want to talk about it. Me: I know I'm late, but Don Quixote (1605 & 1615) is great, and I want to talk about it.