Avery Edison
@averyedison.com
elegantly withstanding the vast brunt of it
a lot of talk about people getting more insane but nobody willing to link it to the day in middle school when we were led into a cave to glimpse our future self and decide whether or not we believed in determinism. sometimes I think I’m still back there. what “choice” did I make?
RIP Scrappy-Doo. All the obituaries will lead with how “annoying” he was for three years in his twenties, but I’ll remember the sweet, frail old man who’d wink at me when I asked “Seen any ghosts lately?” as we passed in the hallway, him on his way outside to shit in the street.
pinned down by an army of villains, Lemming Girl has no choice but to chug a dose of hypergnosis, the superstim that grants one second of ultimate power to even the weakest hero. she swallows the vial, unlocking the full potential of her powers, and the entire universe falls off a cliff
odd that “don’t talk about women’ bodies!” has turned into “we as a culture must ignore and talk around eating disorders, essentially pretending they don’t exist”. I don’t think it’s anti-feminist to say “heads up, this celebrity is unwell, you shouldn’t aim to look like her”
my girlfriend said the most interesting sound she’d ever heard was an active volcano so I said mine was a radio interview in which malala yousafzai and greta thunberg talked to each other about something other than a man
and when a man stands on your doorstep and says “I am the oncoming storm” you must look him dead in the eyes and mutter “you’ve actually nailed my whole thing lately, I’m also doing storms, a lot of that type of stuff, related to storms, very exciting space, me also storm guy”
my girlfriend said the most interesting sound she’d ever heard was an active volcano so I said mine was a radio interview in which malala yousafzai and greta thunberg talked to each other about something other than a man
“I have a job for you.” “If it’s any of that corpo mulch you can bury it, too much photo.” “It’s important. We got word PhloemHome is prototyping a next-gen Seed Syncer for nursery application.” “Trying to root me into something this big? You’re barking the wrong tree, bud.” “Oakay, oakay.”
“the atmosphere alone would be too toxic” wow, okay, maybe FOR YOU!!! but your personal needs and experiences do not give you license to judge my body and my health. I am doing my motorbike stunt show on the ringed planet saturn and anyone worried I’ll “die” is just hating
I am never, ever misremembering or mispronouncing words. but am I very often coining new terms? aphsomely
fun quirk of capitalism that very often the members of a marginalised group who least need the benefits and supports offered to that group are the most likely to be able to access them. "elite capture" is just the enclosure movement. they keep hoarding our fields
do you not have teeth do you not have teeth do you not have teeth do you not have teeth !- I THINK SOMEONE IN MY CUB-CLUSTER IS POLLUTING WORLD-WIDE WOLF-MIND WITH PROHIBITED PREY INSTINCTS -! you do not have teeth you do not have teeth you do not have teeth you do not have teeth
and in lighter news, it’s the last day of work for everyone employed by every religion, all of them closing down shop after a 14-year-old public school math prodigy ran the numbers and confirmed that no god would create a universe with this little percentage in it
feels like a lot of my favorite little stores are reconfiguring their brand identities to center around the phrase “for lease”
sorry, folks---my team and I have taken the difficult step of *temporarily* pausing production on my cooking channel while we figure out how to stop viewers becoming possessed without ditching the devilishly delicious recipes my grandma sold my mom's soul for
ME [POINTING]: nice clarinet MY QUIRKY DATE [GRABBING IT]: this? this is a magic flute the city pays me to play once a month to stop too many mice turning into rats!! ME [IMMEDIATELY INTENSE]: government cash, eh? gotta be a way we can skim off the top, my uncle's a union guy
and when a man stands on your doorstep and says “I am the oncoming storm” you must look him dead in the eyes and mutter “you’ve actually nailed my whole thing lately, I’m also doing storms, a lot of that type of stuff, related to storms, very exciting space, me also storm guy”
Is there anything better than specificity? Oh, sure, yeah, you know… Lots of stuff.
brand new day: spider-man you cannot be this late into your career and still be missing quick time events.
heavy clouds come, and with them a bitter cold. luckily, I find firewood in the basement, piles of it. burning it keeps me warm, but it makes awful smoke. I watch the smoke join the clouds and make them bigger, heavier. cold gets colder. but that’s okay—I have plenty of firewood
we need to go back to doing automata the old-fashioned way: infusing a soul into something mindless that ought not have one. less talk of intelligence and tensors, more breaching divine will while mourning love lost
reminder that if you're rude to me it's doing praxis and fighting the good fight but if i'm rude to you back it's literally assault and you're just a little guy ☝️
the town I grew up in is surrounded on three sides by enormous earthen hills called “the walls”. saxons built them a thousand years ago to keep out the vikings. I walked to school along those walls. we’ve been doing this for a long time, and we’re going to be doing it more.
Rev. Poppy Haze 𓅋@poppyhaze.bsky.social · 6d agoThere are so many jihadist raiders on pickup trucks that towns in West Africa have begun building berms up to 3m high of sand and dirt. Burned out towns with half finished walls also litter the landscape. anl.geog.ufl.edu/fortified-la...
and I won’t mention them by name, wouldn’t want to summon them, we’ll just call them “the ruiners” won’t we? here to ruin it all. ah, there one is—seeping through the walls, its spherical body seeping ruinous fluids. it’s a kind of magic from space, we’re told, and we hate it
I’ve exploited a procedural loophole to seize power in my friend group. so far I have been a fair and kind leader, with none of the exclusionary cinema trips or last-minute bowling outings which so marred the anarchic time before my grace could manifest itself as a guiding hand
[yawning] sorry, I haven't had a full night's sleep in a while. apparently it's much more efficient to only charge your battery to 80%
