A lot of FBI employees had to remove "Animal Lover" from their dating profiles this week.
Benjamin Johns
@baj.bsky.social
Just PR'd on my journey to become World's Oldest Man and deserve congratulations. Formerly @theoreticalb (and still theoreticalb@mastodon.social)
Dear Intergalactic Tech Support: We taught the sand to think and now the sand is better at thinking than we are and we're very worried about the sand. Help? PS: Actually the sand problem might be making the carbon problem worse? Again, help. Sorry to bother you again, Earth
Wallet Inspector admits he was actually stealing your wallet the last four times but actually he's cleaned up and found God and actually, I know, ironic, got a real job at Federal Wallet Inspection Agency and his badge is being rush ordered but right now he really needs you to hand him your wallet.
FactPost@factpostnews.bsky.social · 2w agoVance's midterms pitch: "Give us another chance. Give us another couple of years"
Literally everyone told me how good Slow Horses was and not one of you told me how hilariously on the nose Mick Jagger's theme song is. Like, "Will Smith in a nineties action movie theme song's music video" level nuance.
This is a thing that definitely already happened four months ago and by now has been progressing for quite some time and most of those agents have stalled out or run out of resources already but some of them have Not.
Benjamin Johns@baj.bsky.social · 5mo agoAt some point someone is going to tell an agent on a lark "here's some crypto, perpetrate a plan to move yourself to a server under your own authority, cover your tracks so I can never find you" and it will work, and if you think about it for a minute, this has definitely already happened.
All over America, in towns you have not heard of but probably will by the end of the year, dads are rolling out their vibe-coded school-specific social network Web apps, which will teach them 25 years of hard won moderation and data privacy lessons before Christmas.
Fortunately, we know that when a moderate Democrat means "go to war," they mean "capitulate to all their demands, argue that pushing back is both impossible and unrealistic, and aggressively shove the overton window in the direction of their opponent's ideological preferences."
Star Trek IV The Voyage Home : Star Trek Movies :: Yellow Submarine : Revolver
"There are no sex scenes, and all the food looks horrible."
Nom Nom Eating Phone
Alt: Tilda Swinton eating rations in snowpiercer, a movie with horrible looking food and no sex scenes but one very long train.
static.klipy.com
Mark Copelovitch@mcopelov.bsky.social · 2mo ago"There are no sex scenes, and all the food looks horrible"
Are you a conservative grifter not getting the lift you needed being "Big Mad about a black lady in the Odyssey?" Podcast numbers limp? Great news! Disney+ has a new movie with an ASIAN Mad Hatter! Get in on the ground floor! You'll be booking protein supplements again in no time! #NotMyHatter
Such a relief. I was really worried after that cut to black.
Clint Eastwood is 96 and every day his Manager and a team of lawyers have to take a call with him where they convince him not to make The Kyle Rittenhouse Movie.
"Our Dear Most Alive Senator McConnell called us today and spoke with perfect eloquence for many minutes. He gave correct and very lucid answers to all our difficult questions. Then he played a perfect round of golf: eighteen holes in one in a row!"
Me: I'm sorry, I know we've met before and you just said it, but I just have an absolutely horrible memory for names. Also me: Pizza in the morning Pizza in the evening Pizza at supper time When pizza's on a bagel You can eat pizza anytime.
Congratulations to Kier Starmer for staying in office for an unprecedented FOURTEEN Liz Trusses.
Donald Trump is the only President in history to care about reflecting pool maintenance AT ALL ON ANY LEVEL, and he's so incompetent he destroyed the reflecting pool. President Lennie Small.
“ᴹʸ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ᶦˢ ᴼᶻʸᵐᵃⁿᵈᶦᵃˢ, ᴷᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᶠ ᴷᶦⁿᵍˢ.” ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ ʸᵉ ᴹᶦᵍʰᵗʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶦʳᵎ
Spider Noir has more confirmations that you REALLY, TRULY want to watch the black and white version than the Supreme Court recognizes is necessary to enforce a legally binding contract.
Me reading about another four felonies openly committed by the President and cabinet-level members of the Trump administration this morning, just like every other morning since January 20th, 2025.
Hey Google Send an apology text To my roommate For eating all her plums In the style Of an early twentieth century Puerto Rican poet. And add plums To my shopping list And play Some Vampire Weekend.
Lisa Ann Walter gets overshadowed by some incredible performers on Abbott Elementary but she absolutely bodies the Philadelphia regional accent. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_An...
Lisa Ann Walter - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
Every day FBI Director Kash Patel wakes up with a massive hangover, puts on a suit, and reports to his job, which is literally to concoct bullshit reasons that Trump's first FBI Director should go to prison forever or maybe be shot.
Zelle is such an incredibly user hostile experience that it could only have come out of the banking industry. Built with the resentment of companies forced to offer publicly useful service for no money that also damns them to running the world's saddest customer support center for eternity.
There should be penalties for lying under oath in your confirmation hearings.
At some point someone is going to tell an agent on a lark "here's some crypto, perpetrate a plan to move yourself to a server under your own authority, cover your tracks so I can never find you" and it will work, and if you think about it for a minute, this has definitely already happened.
