GUZZLED Phở and one of farts just whispered “go home GI”

Every time I hear #Trump says #hispanic, it’s more like His panic, am I right?

Sometimes I sit in my in my truck and drink tall boys while watching cop slop to simulate the DUI experience.

I was with this lesbian chick in college and now I can only cum while weeping to the chorus of Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

I am frequently saddened by the number of sea creatures I’m not allowed to pet

Sometimes I get pimples in my sleep, call that shit sleep acnea

I go garbanzo on her bean until that chick peas

I love my #oodie, I use it most days of the year. But no one warns you about how badly they trap farts. I’n Dutch-ovening myself on the daily.

Netflix brings out a prequel to The Sopranos, but in order to make it Gen Z friendly it’s called “Young Vito” and it just a bunch of episodes that end in him blowing dudes

Everyone spent decades thinking Pink was a lesbian, when turns out she was Jewish the whole time.

Just cracked a fart like a semi-truck dumping its air

I’m ripping hot ass with so much ferocity it sounds like a non verbal Daffy Duck impersonation

Weird Al is the autistic man’s Dolly Parton

I heard Macarena today and it reminded me of when Hilary Clinton didn’t dance to it at the 1996 DNC. youtu.be/tGIr4Mq_4C8?...

DNC 1996 - Macarena Extended

YouTube video by Henry Jackson

youtu.be

All this body positivity is making me fat

My dog makes me feel like Bella Delphine cause she’s always trying to drink my bath water

Ooy meydl, do you like Churchill Downs? Cause I’m about to put my mint between those Jew lips

Man that’s what happens when you don’t make it an even $149 youtu.be/2NFQQZIWKt8?...

Police allege 49ers owner tried to pay $140 for sex

YouTube video by USA TODAY

youtu.be

I prostrate while she palpates my prostate

Have you listened to the band I Pee Standing Up? It’s a screamo band featuring a FtM trans lead singer? Haven’t? That’s because I made it up. But wouldn’t that be a fucking amazing combo?

Just took a Prince Rupert drop ghost wipe shit

I Yakied in her Soba raw man

Called her crabby cause the on the rag goonin

One week a month me and my girl play her favorite turn based deductive reasoning game, Blood on the Cock Tower

My buddy is the most germaphobic person I’ve ever met. He’s always talking about how dirty his money is and how he has to launder it.

The liberal woke mindset is too fragile to acknowledge the vaccine induced epidemic that is autistic parents raising autistic children

Bro the humidity is so high it shouldn’t be driving

Call me a baker the way I pumpered her nickel till we bread

A gooner who spends all his time cumming forgets where he is going.

Man who woulda thought that we would get a dead Mitch McConnell before GTA6