Our promise to you: None of our posts, now or in the future, will be AI slop. Every single one will be lovingly / amateurishly created in Photoshop by Vince.

48% of our research is recognised as research (REF, 2021)

The [REDACTED] Walliams Centre for Media Studies - formerly the [REDACTED] Brand Institute for Media and Public Relations - is currently closed. We’re working hard to ensure that all traces of the previous association have been removed.

We’re a Top 10 university when ordered alphabetically 🎉

Our AI-powered timetabling system has become self-aware and resigned from its position with immediate effect.

NEWS: We have introduced a ‘Visitor Tax’ for our open days, in a move the VC says will mean more money for the executive sauna.

🚨 STUDENTS: A siren warning will blast from your phone daily at 7am to test our new 'Lecture Attendance' alert system.

Admissions teams accepting students through Clearing.

Dr Nigel Pratt, Professor of Advanced Flat Earth Studies: “Today’s solar eclipse provides compelling evidence that the Sun has moved behind the Earth’s giant lamp shade. We have been saying for years that the horizon is basically a cliff. We will now be accepting peer review from Dave on Facebook.”

⚠️ Remember to wear safety glasses when viewing the solar eclipse

We’ve unbelievably been ranked No.1 in the UK in the National Student NSS Survey 🫶 (*based on question 21, part-time female students studying Maths from Denbighshire aged 41-42 only)

“Following careful consideration, I have decided to step aside from my role as Vice-Chancellor for a period of approximately 24 hours, after which I will assume the role of Vice-Chancellor.” -VC

📢 URGENT STAFF WEBINAR All colleagues are required to attend a mandatory briefing at 7:45am tomorrow regarding the University’s response to England’s 1am kick-off.

🎉 Great news! In line with Government strategy, we’ve closed our Humanities Staff Room and replaced it with a Cake Shed. The new facility offers colleagues an exciting opportunity to enjoy a £4.95 slice of Victoria sponge while not reflecting on Victorian literature.

📢 Colleagues are reminded to keep all windows closed to allow our Smart Heating Innovative Technology (S.H.I.T.) system to recalibrate during the hot weather. The system requires office temperatures to reach 29°C before it can begin working. Thank you for supporting S.H.I.T.

Our School of Maths has formed a new football team… They’ll be playing in the Long Division. 🥁

A special Easter message from our Vice-Chancellor: easter-Message-for_twitter%20attachment.pdf

Over on Twatter…

It’s a tremendous honour, really tremendous - to be presented with a ‘World No.1 University’ ranking from Oxford. Very smart people. The best. Everyone knows it. Nobody thought it could happen, but here we are. Absolutely incredible.

Bantshire students have found a clever way to keep their roof free from snow ❄️

BREAKING: The Security Team from Bantshire have boarded and seized a minibus from Kent University.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and please complete your mandatory e-learning by 31 December.

We’re proud that a Bantshire student ambassador is on placement at the OBR today.

It was either this, or fix the windows. The plumber is booked for Monday.

This Black Friday - Every Course Must Go! ✅ 100% reduction of some subjects! ✅ Modules slashed! Study them before it’s too late!

Since 2023, 38 students have graduated from Bantshire University in error. We are conducting a full investigation into how this happened.

Welcome to our Open Day 👋 Unfortunately, due to the clocks change, our ANPR cameras have fined all Open Day guests who have parked in our car parks between 8-9am. The fines cannot be cancelled, but 5% will go back into improving the student experience.

🚨 While Amazon Web Services crumbled, our state-of-the-art GeoCities-powered learning environment stood strong

Admissions Teams accepting students through Clearing

Okay fine, we’ve got places in Psychology, Law and Medicine.