there are so many stupid niche ninja countertop gadgets now that I'm trying to imagine someone who has space in their kitchen to have their air fryer, their soft serve ice cream machine, their machine that curls out a big turd into a mug etc
So, if I eat one wife that's 1000% of the RDA of beauty? How has the FSA permitted this?
Getting served a lot of videos of young and rescued swifts these days, and might I say: more of this (without the circumstances that require them to be rescued). Tremendous birds.
Muppets' Baddiel's Syndrome. All muppets except Peter Bradshaw.
If you don't have a kind word to say about Rod Liddle, there are thousands of unkind ones you can use instead
You don't hear Moonlight Shadow on Radio 2 over breakfast before school any more, do you?
Had a lovely preview in Woodbridge yesterday (mock-up image below) - it'd now seem prudent to remind everyone that I'll be performing a week of WIP shows at the end of the Edinburgh Fringe. Tickets, info: www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...
People don't want Infantino, they want Infant Eno (a young Brian Eno who has more years of life left in which to do more nice ambient stuff)
Tech CEO: we have created the world's naughtiest computer
Life hack: if you buy some cherries earlier in the day, forget about them, then remember them it is like you are getting special surprise cherries.
Reports emerging that Ralph Fiennes has become 'too powerful' in preparation for new role.
Guy who spots the hurdy-gurdy at the banquet and starts playing Wœnderwælle
In a misguided attempt at gender neutrality, I have been referring to the toilet as 'the little friend's room'
Saw some sort of girl guide/brownies parade with drumming. Immediately downloaded the first Go! Team album.
You awake. You are a television chef. You are in Provence. You have never left Provence. The old ladies will sneer at your soup again today.
You are a medieval ruler and a vassal has brought you bad news regarding troop movements whilst you are in your special tent - do you: A) stand suddenly and sweep items from your special table B) same but yelling C) eat a fruit in the most disgusting way
Oh nice end of the stick you got there, dude - which one is it? [...] Ah, sorry brother, that sucks.
Just seen an advance screening of the new Ali G film - a surprisingly tender love letter to cinéma
One of life's simple pleasures: implying that somebody purchasing a large amount of toilet roll is gearing up for a monster shitting session
Ah, do you know what? Turns out I had a fair bit riding on that, mentally speaking
I'm a single-issue voter - MP security. Reform's mech-suits for parliamentarians policy has won me over.
For all of the spiders and snakes, Australia seems to've primarily worked to develop a whole order of animals whose key feature is 'bouncing'
