Tessera

Brand Value Comix

@brandvaluecomix.bsky.social

Proud father of digital spawn. webstore: https://brand-value-comix.itch.io/ other stuff: https://linktr.ee/brandvaluecomix Dubs, reposting on other apps, etc. are ok👍.

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Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 5h ago

Monday-Man Jr.'s Karate Match

An angry man in a karate gi looks down at a smiling lil' cherubic Monday-Man Jr.

"Take THIS!" says the man.

He punches, and kicks. Both movement sail quite a bit above Monday-Man Jr.'s beloved head.

The angry man looks down at Monday-Man Jr. angrily afterwards. Then his expression softens into one of sadness.

"You're right," says the man. "I renounce violence."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · yesterday

The Sunday Simpletons™ #367

Panel 1: The walls are pink. A man resembling N*d Fl*nders (can't say certain names outright due to the webtoon copyright crackdowns) is standing in front of a spiky yellow tree stump of a boy. The man says "You know who's beautiful?"

Panel 2: The man then says, "The girl reading this. *~*"

Panel 3: He then says "Now, change 'girl' to 'guy,' and I think we can get men to start reading again."

Panel 4: The spiky stump boy says "Don't have a cow, man."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2d ago

Saturday Stories For Kids!

A jolly square-jawed gray-haired man says "Just for today, premarital sex is LEGAL!!!"

It's revealed he's wearing a suit with a 'MAYOR' sash worn on top of it. "So," he says. "Who wants me?"

He smiles with arms outstretched.

12 hours later... the mayor man is still standing there with arms outstretched. Nothing has changed except it's night now and he's frowning.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3d ago

Friday Night Frannie's Bubble Bath

Friday Night Frannie, a plain looking woman with an iconic pointy nose, is submerged in foamy bubbles.

"This bubble bath isn't very relaxing," she thinks. "There's, like, way too many bubbles."

The bubbles turn slightly yellowish. Some faint sizzle lines can be seen coming from the side as Frannie thinks, "And they're starting to smell kinda sulfuric."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4d ago

Thursdayton Visits Someone's House

Thursdayton, short and powerful, is in a pink-ish yolk-like space. A pale rectangle-headed fellow says "WELCOME to my ROOM. Do you like it?"

"No," says Thursdayton. He says it quietly but his scowl is quite apparent.

The rectangle-headed fellow frowns.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 6d ago

Tuesday Toughie Takes an Online Personality Quiz

Tuesday Toughie, a muscular boat-jawed man, is using a tiny macbook.

1 hour and 35 sliding scale questions later...

The macbook screen shows a picture of several characters from the anime Evangelion. Gendo and Rei are off to the sides. Front and center is the sad face of Shinji Ikari, with a meter below him that reads '99%'. Above him is the caption "You got: SHINJI."

"That can't be right," thinks Tuesday Toughie, frowning.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · last wk.

Monday-Man Jr. Versus Dr. Death-Ray

A pinkish-purplish man holding a laser gun says "I'm gonna take over the WORLD!"

The cherubic Monday-Man Jr. then crashes into view from off-panel. Shards of glass fly out from behind him.

"Please don't do that," says Monday-Man Jr.

"...Fine," says the laser gun man, bleeding from a shard of glass embedded in the side of his forehead.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · last wk.

The Sunday Simpletons™ #366

Panel 1: The walls are pink. A man resembling N*d Fl*nders (can't say certain names outright due to the webtoon copyright crackdowns) is standing in front of a spiky yellow tree stump of a boy. The man says "Spider-man."

Panel 2: The man then says, "I can't believe he's still around."

Panel 3: He then says "Did you see JJJJr's six-hour video essay on that guy?"

Panel 4: The spiky stump boy says "Don't have a cow, man."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · last wk.

Saturday Stories For Kids! - Spider-man vs. The Hulk

The Hulk, looking a bit like a larger and square-er version of the pillsbury doughboy, stands next to a minisicule spider-man.

The Hulk says, "Hulk don't think Tom Holland and Zendaya marriage will last."

"HULK", shouts the tiny Spider-man, who points up at the Hulk angrily. "I'M GETTING REAL SICK OF YOUR PARASOCIAL PESSIMISM."

Hulk looks to the side and says "They meet too young. Life and career very different in 4 to 5 years."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · last wk.

Friday Night Frannie at the End of July

Friday Night Frannie, a plain-looking woman, says "Jeez, July's already over."

She then says, "Guess I better reflect on what I did this month."

She ponders out loud, "Did I see anything good on TV?"

She then remembers seeing, on a television, a burning face overlaid with an AMBER Alert.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

Thursdayton Visits A Fine Restaurant

In a very blue restaurant, the short and powerful Thursdayton sits at a table. He's speaking to a blue tuxedoed waiter with a dr. manhattan-esque skin tone.

"I'd like a glass of water," says Thursdayton. "With extra ice, please."

"Ok," says the waiter.

"And I want it in the CLEANEST glass possible," says Thursdayton.

"Sure," says the waiter."

"Are you even listening to me?" says Thursdayton.

"I don't even work here," says the waiter.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

Wilbur Wednesday: Minions and Monsters (1/?) bsky.app/profile/bran...

Brand Value Comix@brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · last mo.

Wilbur Wednesday Meets The Minions

Wilbur Wednesday, America's favorite leprechaun, is looking sickly. He's reclining against the floor, his iconic Magic Beverage™ dripping from his mouth and spilling from a knocked over mug nearby.

"FUCK" says Wilbur.

His teeth are yellow. "EVER SINCE I STARTED MY CAREER AS A HOLLYWOOD IDEAS MAN, I'VE MADE NO MONEY," he laments.

It should be noted that he's been wearing sunglasses this whole time, even though it's not particularly sunny.

"BUT I GOTTA KEEP PUSHING MY HOLLYWOOD IDEAS," he laments. "'CAUSE I GOT NOOOOTHING LEFT!"

Cut to an advert that says:

Keep an eye out for Wilbur Wednesday's latest upcoming infotainment video:

7 WAYS MINIONS AND MONSTERS COULD'VE BEEN MORE SUCCESSFUL

[the embedded thumbnail beneath this caption shows a minion being eaten by a blob monster against a backdrop of orange dollar bills. Next to the blob monster is Wilbur Wednesday striking a smug pose.]

Coming soon to a webpage near you!

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

Tuesday Toughie vs The Jokester

Tuesday Toughie, muscular and boat-jawed, stands in a brown room. He's wearing a tight black shirt, dark faintly green pants, and a black cap that covers his eyes.

Standing across from him is The Jokester, a scowling sickly looking figure who resembles an older and thinner Bart Simpson. He's wearing garish magenta and green clothing, complete with a large necktie that has the letter "J" on it.

"I HATE you," says the Jokester.

"I hope he's joking," thinks Tuesday Toughie.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

Monday-Man Jr. Meets Cuddles The Kangaroo

Monday-Man Jr., America's favorite little cherub stands across from a kangaroo with a long neck and snout.

"Hi!" says Monday-Man Jr. "I'm Monday-Man Jr. What's YOUR name?"

"Cuddles," says the kangaroo. "Cuddles the Kangaroo."

Monday-Man Jr. then frowns as Cuddles says, "My girlfriend's a big fan of yours, but I don't think you're so hot."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

The Sunday Simpletons™ #365

Panel 1: The walls are pink. A man resembling N*d Fl*nders (can't say certain names outright due to the webtoon copyright crackdowns) is standing in front of a spiky yellow tree stump of a boy. The man says "Did you get diarrhea from that lettuce thing yet?"

Panel 2: The man then says, "'Cause I've been chowing down on Taylor Farms™ salad kits all month, and I feel fine."

Panel 3: He then says "Nothing but smooth liquids coming out in the bathroom, like God intended."

Panel 4: The spiky stump boy says "Don't have a cow, man."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

Saturday Stories For Kids! - Clayface Comix 2

Clayface is a monstrous lump of clay.

"I hope my movie does well," he thinks.

He then thinks, "They're sending me back to Arkham if it doesn't."

Brand Value Comix@brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4mo ago

Saturday Stories For Kids! - Clayface Comix

Clayface is a monstrous lump of clay.

"Rub-a-dub-dub," he thinks.

"I'm made of mud." he concludes.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 2w ago

Friday Night Frannie in Fairy Tale Land

Friday Night Frannie, a plain, pointy-nosed, thumb-shaped woman, says "OH GOD."

She then looks down at seven small gnome-ish creatures while saying "OH MAN."

"7 LITTLE MEN," she says, her face indicating that she's saying this loudly.

She then looks up in the sky and declares: "THAT'S TOO MANY"

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

Thursdayton's Kids' Show Audition

"Hey there KIDS," says a noodle-armed muppet creature. A look at its lower half reveals it's being controlled from within by the short and powerful Thursdayton, who's wearing the creature like a fancy hat embedded onto a skin-suit.

"Today's lesson is about FEELINGS," says the creature, its noodly arms expanding from Thursdayton's puppeteering. "So what are FEELINGS?"

The creature strikes a friendly proud pose, finger pointing in the air as it declares, "Well, to understand that, we first have to talk about Thetan Levels."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

Wilbur Wednesday Changes It Up!

Last time, on Wilbur Wednesday:

Wilbur Wednesday, America's favorite leprechaun, lies on the floor. His skin is a sickly color.

"YouTubing's pretty tough," he says.

Behind him is a faded youtube thumbnail for a video titled "7 WAYS MINIONS AND MONSTERS COULD'VE BEEN MORE SUCCESFUL," accompanied by the caption 'STILL COMING SOON TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!'

NOW:

Wilbur Wednesday, no longer looking sickly, is wearing an enormous green leprechaun top hat. He is standing and smiling.

"Instead of doing that stupid YouTube stuff," he says. "I got a NEW HAT instead."

Suddenly, with a BAM!, the youtube thumbnail from earlier, still accompanied by the caption 'STILL COMING SOON TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!', flies in and knocks off Wilbur's hat, revealing that he's bald.

Brand Value Comix@brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4w ago

Wilbur Wednesday's Online Career Update

Wilbur Wednesday, a fluffy lil' leprechaun, is lying on the floor in a dingy brown room. He's in the fetal position.

Close up on his face. "YouTubing's pretty hard," he says.

Pan out back to him curled up on the floor by himself. "I may have painted myself into a corner," he says.

Cut to a youtube thumbnail captioned "7 WAYS MINIONS AND MONSTERS COULD'VE BEEN MORE SUCCESSFUL"

The thumbnail shows a minion being eaten by a blob monster against a backdrop of orange dollar bills. Next to the blob monster is Wilbur Wednesday striking a smug pose.

Below the thumbnail, in bright red text: "STILL COMING SOON TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!"

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

Tuesday Toughie's Hall of Horror

In a dark room, two smaller folks look up at the muscular and boat-jawed Tuesday Toughie, who has his arms raised and is yelling "BOO!"

He then points at them and says "ARE YOU SCARED?"

His hand falters. "PLEASE BE SCARED," he says.

The two smaller folks look at each other and then off into the distance. Tuesday Toughie looks dejected as he yells "I REALLY NEED THIS JOB."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

Monday-Man Jr. vs. The Cyclops

A cyclops wearing nothing but briefs and boots steps over that charming little cherub Monday-Man Jr.

"WHERE ARE YA, YOU LITTLE PUNK?" says the cyclops.

"WHERE ARE YA?!" he says again, standing still while Monday Man Jr. stands between his legs.

The cyclops frowns, still unable to see Monday Man Jr. right beneath him.

"WHERE ARE YA, YOU LITTLE PUNK?!" the cyclops says again as he steps off to search for Monday Man jr. elsewhere, still oblivious to Monday Man Jr.'s smiling little form being right near his feet.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

The Sunday Simpletons™ #364

Panel 1: The walls are pink. A man resembling N*d Fl*nders (can't say certain names outright due to the webtoon copyright crackdowns) is standing in front of a spiky yellow tree stump of a boy. The man says "Well, I'm finally back from the Trojan War,"

Panel 2: The man then says, "and boy, am I tired."

Panel 3: He then says "Thank God I splurged on a red-eye flight instead of getting on a boat with my boss."

Panel 4: The spiky stump boy says "Don't have a cow, man."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

Saturday Stories For Kids! - Auditions For Odysseus

A stern man who looks like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Matt Damon says "We hide inside the horse."

A wide-eyed smiling man who looks like a blonde, tanned cross between Jake Gyllenhaal and Cosmo Kramer says "We hide [italics]inside the [italics]horse."

A muscular pinkish man with frumpy hair and big teeth says "The Trojans can't resist a BIIIIIIIG PONY."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 3w ago

Friday Night Frannie takes the Elevator

Friday Night Frannie, a plain-looking woman, stands next a man with a large cranium and a broccolini-shaped fellow.

"Boy, this elevator sure is crowded today." says the man with a large cranium. "But I don't mind. I love being with people, even if they're strangers. It's good for your soul."

He smiles a contented smile as the three of them stand there in silence.

Then the broccolini-shaped fellow says, "Your breath stinks."

"Aw, shut up," replies the man with the large cranium.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4w ago

Thursdayton: Extreme Komedy

A friendly snowman-esque circus clown says "GUESS WHAT?" to the short and angry looking Thursdayton.

"What?" replies Thursdayton.

"CHICKEN BUTT!" says the clown.

With a "Hurk!" and a "cluck" the rear end of a chicken pops out of the clown's mouth. It then starts spraying poop over an unimpressed Thursdayton.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4w ago

Wilbur Wednesday's Online Career Update

Wilbur Wednesday, a fluffy lil' leprechaun, is lying on the floor in a dingy brown room. He's in the fetal position.

Close up on his face. "YouTubing's pretty hard," he says.

Pan out back to him curled up on the floor by himself. "I may have painted myself into a corner," he says.

Cut to a youtube thumbnail captioned "7 WAYS MINIONS AND MONSTERS COULD'VE BEEN MORE SUCCESSFUL"

The thumbnail shows a minion being eaten by a blob monster against a backdrop of orange dollar bills. Next to the blob monster is Wilbur Wednesday striking a smug pose.

Below the thumbnail, in bright red text: "STILL COMING SOON TO THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!"

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4w ago

Tuesday Toughie, Future Frisbee Coach

Tuesday Toughie, muscular and boat-jawed, points at an ominous cyclopean machine man.

"Listen up," says Toughie. "You may be a killer cyborg,"

Toughie pulls out a frisbee, and continues talking. "but you still gotta practice the FUNDAMENTALS."

Toughie throws the frisbee, which bounces off the armless machine man with a 'clink'.

The machine man looks down angrily at the frisbee, now on the floor. Toughie stands there, frozen in awkward throwing pose. The machine man zaps Toughie with a painful looking red laser.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4w ago

Monday-Man Jr.'s Monday Night

America's favorite lil' cherub, Monday-Man Jr., sits in a pitch black room.

"Don't have a fright," he says, smiling with his chubby cheeks. "I just like to sit here at night."

He then continues to sit there, staring ahead.

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · 4w ago

The Sunday Simpletons™ #363

Panel 1: The walls are pink. A man resembling N*d Fl*nders (can't say certain names outright due to the webtoon copyright crackdowns) is standing in front of a spiky yellow tree stump of a boy. The man says "Life's a chess game"

Panel 2: The man then says, "and the pawns are your toes."

Panel 3: He then says "My lawsuit against that tap dancing teacher is about to make us very rich."

Panel 4: The spiky stump boy says "Don't have a cow, man."

Brand Value Comix @brandvaluecomix.bsky.social · last mo.

Saturday Stories For Kids! - Disney's Live-Action Moana Comix

Close up on a cooked crab being served at a restaurant alongside some noodles and risotto.

"Moana..." whispers the garnished crab shell. "Hear me sing my sinister song..."