Little worried about how much this… ➡️ looks like this. Hope that doesn’t mean I’m a c*nt.

Retro Jeff.

Gotta love what London is doing with its bus stops.

If you don’t have a couple of minutes to spare, scroll on. (But you will miss seeing Jeff at the end.)

August calendar pic - my favourite zookeeper. Lucky Mum.

All this nonsense about anti-ageing for women. Age is what we hope for, what we strive for, what we get, if we’re one of the lucky ones. With age comes wisdom, freedom and only so many f*cks left to give. So f*ck off! We’ll age however the hell we want; and gratefully at that.

Only now it’s cooled down a bit have I realised what a filthy mood I’ve been most of the summer. I’ve gone full zen wanker today. Amazing what a full night’s sleep and underbreasts no longer sweating will do for a person.

Of all the comments that have come in in response to my request for mansplains for my upcoming book, this is my favourite. (Especially as he forgot the ‘not’.)

Day 3 of being in love with a doorstop and still going strong. They have a certain symmetry.

If you read Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez or are interested in the topic of invisible women, you may wish to see how we just got invisibler…

We’ve had this doorstop a very long time but it’s like Jeff’s seen it for the very first time, and now he can’t unsee it. He’s got it bad - has not wavered from his position by his beloved’s side for a couple of hours now. This might be the big one.

‘Course you can train a dachshund - in dachshund time. Keep your eye on Jeff in the background…

The route one man-to-woman insult, online and beyond, is ‘You’re so ugly I wouldn’t f*ck you’ - based on the age-old premise that a woman’s value is based purely on her attractiveness to men. That’s like you telling us you’re not going to burgle us and expecting us to be disappointed. So thank you.

Anyone else buy a fan heater to get them through the heatwave summer? Just me? Cool.

Cambridge-educated, a highly successful marketing career, has sat on boards of charities, birthed 3 children, speaks 3 languages, had a double mastectomy to lessen the chances of developing the breast cancer which killed their sister at 39… and the thing we most want to talk about is her tummy?

We ride at dawn. Bros out, menos in - Gen X women for the win. (And you know micro feminism’s working when autocorrect insists on nano- instead of mano-sphere.)

Ordered a cinnamon bun with my morning coffee and now I feel judged.

Builders are in and we’ve made sure there are three - yes three - nice dog beds still available, but he likes this one…

How many spam calls are you getting? I get several a day from different numbers. I block ‘em thick and fast and new ones crop right up. It’s like Gremlins, without the cute bit.

The thing about older women… is that they’re frickin’ awesome. Isn’t it about time we revered our female elders? Like the wise post-menopausal grandma orcas, who are at the peak of their powers and put in charge of everything. Let’s all be more orca.

Remember when naming the current prime minister was a valid cognitive test? Lot to keep up with nowadays, isn’t it.

If autocorrect changes perimenopause to Perry menopause once more I’m going to give it a ducking slap.

Sometimes it too hot even to play with your pink corduroy (ex)unicorn. Instead you must lie close to it and intermittently wag your tail.

I’ve skydived, ridden motorbikes, bungee jumped, but nothing compares with the sheer thrill of the risk you take when you order bananas with your online grocery shop.

Doing research for my new book and looking at best ripostes to mansplaining. The favourite so far is: “Please don’t confuse your Google search with my PHD.” 👌🏻

Anyone else accidentally brought up masturbating to their Dutch accountant? Nope, just me?

Just found this pic of Dad playing timpani back in the day. At 82 he’s still playing - different hair, same spirit.

Just found this pic of Dad playing timpani back in the day. At 82 he’s still playing - different hair, same spirit.

Fun Bayeux Tapestry facts: Commissioned by men, embroidered by women, it’s actually embroidery on linen, depicting over 600 men, 200 horses, 70 willies, many of them equine, but only… 6 women! 6! More willies than women. Let’s get it on a t-shirt. Just about sums up what’s wrong with the world.

Trying to play Bach as a 57-year-old woman in a heatwave is like turning up for O’level Maths and wishing I’d spent more time studying, less time smoking.