RED ALERT. Squirrel. That is all.

Captain's Log, Stardate 8. Other Daddy has suggested that I “follow Human #2 everywhere.” This is inaccurate. I conduct command inspections throughout the vessel. Human #2 simply happens to be wherever I'm inspecting.

Human #2 accompanied me during morning operations. His performance was adequate. I will continue supervising him closely. Very closely. This is necessary.

Captain’s Log, Stardate 7. I've reviewed the Starfleet organizational chart. I can find no reference to the rank of “Other Daddy.” Nevertheless, he continues to exercise considerable authority over leash policy. I'm investigating.

Jasper's Log: Yes, George is my twin brother. No, I don't know why he's like that. Prime Human has asked me the same question.

Captain's Log, Stardate 6. I've learned that George and Jasper are twin brothers. This is difficult to reconcile with available evidence. George considers an open door an invitation. Jasper considers it a security breach. Genetics is fascinating.

0800 hours. George is asleep. Jasper is with Prime Human. The humans have coffee. I have been offered water. Morale is deteriorating.

Captain's Log, Stardate 5. Other Daddy has again recommended that all away missions be conducted on-leash. Jasper supports the proposal. George abstained. I find myself increasingly concerned about the influence of the Safety Faction aboard this vessel.

Captain's Log, Stardate 4. I've learned Jasper refers to Other Daddy as “Prime Human.” This raises several troubling questions about the chain of command. Neither has been forthcoming. An internal investigation has been opened.

Captain's log, supplemental. Human #2 procured a new uniform for me. I think it is too tight; he says it's "slimming." It will do. Even captains need scritches though. 🖖

Asked George whether he had any concerns about my leadership. He yawned. I'm taking that as an endorsement.

Captain's Log, Stardate 3. Jasper has been observing me from across the room for 27 minutes. No blinking. No movement. No acknowledgment of my authority. I have chosen to interpret this as respect.

“Leash protocols” 🙄 I need coffee ☕️🖖

Starfleet Command has implemented new leash protocols following what they continue to call “The Cornfield Incident.” Other Daddy appears particularly concerned. His concerns have been noted. Exploration will continue.

Got my official command portrait taken today. Apparently they don't have any tailors in the Delta quadrant. Request submitted to Human #2 for a new uniform.

Starfleet Command has requested a full report on the cornfield incident. I have submitted one. It reads, in its entirety: “Mission accomplished.” I don't anticipate further questions.

Captain's Log, Stardate 2. Tonight's away mission to the cornfield exceeded its authorized duration. Starfleet Command ordered an immediate return. I declined. After tense negotiations, Command offered treats. I returned voluntarily. Let the record show that diplomacy works. #TheCornfieldIncident

Captain's Log, Stardate 1. I have assumed command of a vessel crewed by two Abyssinians and two poorly trained humans. George appears philosophical. Jasper remains suspicious of my appointment. The humans believe they are in charge. There is much work to be done. 🖖