If they gave gold medals for hitting your head on the medicine cabinet door. I’d be Micheal Phelps.
You're about to be tossed into the volcano. Brawny or Bounty?
My #SummerWish is to water ski like Fonzie in Happy Days one day. What your summer wish?
Mr. Peanut is a peanut in a monocle, top hat, and cane. Eat the rich.
growing up in minnesota taught me two things. You can borrow TO someone. Noes hair freezes
just throwing it out there. Let's vote for different people next time. Please.
#SpaceFact near the center of the galaxy there's a gas cloud holding billions of liters of alcohol. Someone tell Hegseth.
I wish restaurants woulda stopped at the Sizzler salad bar.
Its settled, they dont make a glad bag on the planet big enough for Emily Elizabeth to clean up Cliffords enormous dookies.
Last night I stayed up to organize our noodles. The official tally was... oodles.
a town that privatized its entire emergency services to a 10 year old and six dogs. Paw Patrol is the surveillance state.
the elevator "close door" and the "always accept" buttons are reminders that nothing is real.
Dora asks you where the mountain is while staring directly AT the mountain. that's not exploring that's a wellness check.
onea these days that trix rabbit gonna light up those kids.
captain kangaroo was a captain on TV for years. i never once seen his ship, his crew, or the "war." captain of WHAT exactly. all I see are ping pong balls. who promoted this man?
I'm flying for the Fourth of July. I don't know if that makes me pretentious. Fireworks are beneath me.
gonna dress my kids up like pilgrims and go steal massachusetts.
tomorrow is "independence day" but for our president everyday is "in-Depends day" god bless America.
We all aware Thomas the Tank Engine has eyes, nose and a mouth. But did you know, he also has a booty hole.