if arwen is the likeness of luthien come on earth again and she also looks strikingly like elrond then it logically follows that elrond and elros were beautiful men but i laugh every time i think about this because of the self awareness that i am doing sexyman algebra to explain my elros lechery

[in a party hat with a cake in front of me] i’m 27 years old. i have a small amount of money and a few prospects. i’m on vacation at my parents house because they live by the ocean. and i’m frightened,

my favorite kind of low comprehension fandom post is when the person is actually correct about what they’re observing but they’re like “hey guys is anyone else kind of feeling like [thing that is explicitly true in the story]? i have this crazy theory that [explicitly true thing] is the case”

the best kind of romance novel dedication is always when it’s like “For My Mother, My Father, and My Dearest Sister Nancy Without Whom This Never Would Have Been Written” and then you open it up and we’re talking about some guy’s pulsing shaft or something

you can’t imagine how funny it is to be a mets fan while everyone is screaming and crying and throwing up about the dodgers being a powerhouse because they have such a big payroll knowing full well the mets payroll is just as big and we have one of the worst teams in major league baseball

it’s very important that you see your best friend after a while and talk from 9am to 5pm without taking a breath. its very important that you literally begin to go hoarse from sheer sustained yapping

sometimes john tolkien will talk about noxious choking fumes and interminable sieges and the bodies of dead soldiers floating in pools of fetid water and fields turned into scarred wastelands and you’re like ok so these may be knights in shining armor but you sir survived the somme

i’m going to be honest, not having seen either, i didn’t really know top gear and top gun were different things until like a year or two ago so when people were talking about top gun yaoi all this time i was just like damn i guess those old british guys who make cars together are gay

how it feels to go back to posting yaoi immediately after 58 moderately religious uncles follow you because you were talking about lord of the rings:

the live action scooby doo movies from the early 2000s are not good but casting a scooby doo movie where the gang are all played by actors previously known for being in slashers is one of the funniest things anyone has ever done

i think what’s interesting about the targaryen incest is that it’s a rare fictional incest that is compelling not because it is taboo but rather because the characters are incapable of understanding that this is a transgression and the plural dynamics of sexual abuse that create that

One more commission for @caranthirs.bsky.social <3

elladan and elrohir aren’t in pj’s movies because he was afraid of the power of the dionysian madness that even remotely sexyman elf twins on screen would’ve unleashed on society

i am all for shipping a big woman with a little man, i just demand that you be normal about people’s bodies as part of it

i think even if you like healthy relationships a lot of healthy relationship m/f in fandom feels flat because it involves people trying to design a woman who can’t be victimized by this man or a man who can’t victimize her rather than just designing a relationship that’s healthy

objectively it’s very funny that i am not really that invested in celeborn and galadriel as characters but because i am the guy who looms over conversations about dwarves with a loaded gun i end up involved in talking about celeborn and galadriel so much

when i was 11 or 12 my grandma told me if i held an aspirin between my knees i wouldn’t get pregnant but i didn’t get that meant keep your legs closed so i started thoughtfully pondering what positions would best allow one to hold an aspirin and that’s the kind of stupid genius i bring to the world

fried green tomatoes are so good it feels sort of illegal. like you eat a fried green tomato and you think “is this allowed?”. tomato that transports you into a catholic relationship with pleasure

one of the ills of prominent figures being racist in discussion of tolkien adaptations is that you then get days of well meant but no less denialist tolkien dickriding where people wildly misrepresent him as far more progressive than he really was and exonerate his work of all its own racism

“is this about-” it’s still about the elves from lord of the rings. it is still about the elfs, i’m sorry. it will always be about elfs i know i have clarified this many times for many posts but it’s still the same answer king arthur himself could not pull curufinwë out of me

[every dumbass writer for like a decade now voice] ah yes i understand that bad mothers are seen as uniquely evil because women are supposed to be naturally maternal. clearly the way for me to combat this is rewriting all hated bad mothers into good ones so that all women are now naturally maternal,

one of the many incests of a patriarchy is the way that living as a man of some importance requires a wife to perform various designated functions (running the household, social obligations, hosting, etc.) but in lieu of a wife, a sister will do. and this too is gondolin

don’t get me wrong i think the complexity that house of the dragon crafts for alicent’s children is probably its best work other than alicent herself but it perpetually tastes bad that they have done all of that character work for them and then had comparatively little to say about baela and rhaena

it’s always crazy in folk stories when they encounter some malevolent entity in the wilderness and he has a lady with him because it’s meant to portray him as wild or immoral but you’re like well now i just want to know more about this diva shacking up with a ghostly horse thief in the swamps

Commission for @caranthirs.bsky.social

it is almost laughably american that the rise of ai has been like disastrous for tangible conditions in many lives and communities but most critique of ai is more about the moral value of toil than any of that. john calvin thou art never far from our hearts, gone though ye may be

i think turkey vultures are very handsome birds which i feel like explains a lot about my taste in elves. a poster best known for lecherous knavery where caranthir and curufin silmarillion are concerned WOULD like turkey vultures

if you were a lord or lady of the noldor and you met most of the finwëan bastards i envision existing you would probably be looking at your relations like “now which of you did this” but if you met halion you’d know exactly who did this. only one bitch is producing a haladin boy with that face