Tessera

Girl says to her Scouse boyfriend. "Why won't you let me give you a blowjob" He tells her "I don't like any jobs".

Child "abuse" is so subjective in my opinion For example, my Dad always gave me a wooden spoon to bite down on

My wife has learning difficulties. She's a woman.

Princess Eugenie has given birth to a baby girl in Lisbon Mother & baby are said to be keeping the grandfather at bay with mace

When I was young, my dad abused me really badly. The useless cunt couldn't even do that properly.

Why do blacks never play hide and seek? Because nobody would look for them.

How do Welsh people find their sheep in very tall grass? Absolutely irresistible

I was scrolling through some disgusting child abuse videos on the dark web and I thought "this is great, no ads"

A woman who stabbed 4 men in Covent Garden has been arrested, with Police saying she was mentally ill. So she was a Muslim?

Russian drone attack vegetable street vendor. I’m with Russia - no one should have to eat vegetables.

Iran is developing a missile that can hit New York, New York. If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

There are fears that Ariana Grande could be the new Karen Carpenter. No chance. Karen Carpenter could sing.

Someone asked me if I've ever tried to commit suicide. I replied "Loads of times but has you can see I'm not very good at it".

If you're a man who thinks he's a woman, you might have Chomosomes

I just saw the wife trip over and drop a massive basket of clothes she just ironed I watched it all unfold

What does paying for a sandwich and paying for a hooker have in common? Both could have been prevented if your wife was doing her job

How many policemen does it take to push a black down the stairs? None he fell.

My doctor told me that I have xenophobia. I'll bet I caught it off some Paki cunt.

I can always tell if a woman has a good sense of humour. Just by feeling her breasts.

In the UK a man has taken a woman to court claiming she tried to smother him with her breasts. The man is asking for £20,000 or for the woman to do it again.

I asked my local Chinese takeaway boss for advice on starting a catering business. He said, "Step one: Go out to the alley with a sack and a tin of tuna."

A 'Super Dinghy' carrying 160 illegal immigrants has caught fire in The Channel. It was only an average Dinghy before that.

I took this fat bird home last night but I was really struggling. Eventually I said "for fuck sake love, fart and give me a clue"

Lloyds of London once claimed to be the world's largest insurance company. The claim was later dismissed, along with all the others.

What's blue and orange, and at the bottom of a swimming pool? A kid with flat arm bands

Fathers used to have 3-4 kids. Now kids have 3-4 Fathers. I guess Climate Change is real.