Chris
@chrislockefun.bsky.social
Comedian, actor, writer. I have clown blood.
Yo what's up welcome back to another episode of Men Who Still Act Like Kids. Hey why grow up when they tell us it's the end of the world every day!? Today's episode is about how awesome Ninja Turtles is
Sitting in post apocalyptic garbage heap on meds, dead orange dust sky, egghead pitches oil pipes to the mysterious shadows, eating garbage, and that’s fresh garbage from highwaymen run grocery store across the street,
Remember in the end of Dharma Bums when he goes to the little cabin on the top of the mountain for months and he's like "It's kind of shit but whatever." I kind of want to do that. Transform myself through tedium and madness
I'm leaving for a long time. I know all my followers on Bluesky Ltd. are going to miss me. Well, I'm going on an adventure, you see. A personal journey. When I come back I am going to be much stronger and wiser.
Decades ago on a long Greyhound bus trip I showed a girl how great the Voodoo Glow Skulls were by letting her listen to my discman
Oh my god my belly is so fat and I didn't even do anything all I did was eat a big bag of zesty cheese doritos and everyone hates me and they want me de*d and I didn't do anything I'm literally nice to everyone all the time
Anyone a photographer who can photograph my wife and I down by the sea and rocks? I will wear a jean jacket and fedora and she smoking a cigar. I'll hold her belly like she's pregnant but she's not but it's symbolic of how I want that. Also we need to look like we're thinking about how nice life is
Thank you for telling me what’s going on in the Strait Of Hormuz right now. I will try to handle the situation the best I can with the tools I have to work with
Maybe some of you have noticed the change of weather has got me being quite the positivity freak. Well all of that is over now - I'm getting into crime
If you’re a fan of Ingmar Bergman’s Wild Strawberries or Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia you’re gonna love Madalorian And Grogu!
Oh my gosh I’m drinking morning coffee with a bit of cream in it. We really are living in the best of all possible worlds. I wonder if the aliens like coffee. Maybe that’s why they’re here?
You gotta enjoy the little things. Like going keto and carrying little pieces of meat in your pocket
My lord I have just eaten delicious hot wings and drank a Coors Light. Why does anyone complain about the world. It’s fabulous. There were all sorts of different human beings at different tables drinking beer, eating wings, burgers, fries, etc! It was a fun filled pleasure chamber called Gabby’s
If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you, son I’m eating chips
Last night I ate a bag of Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles. My god what a wonderful life we all live. We're so lucky. it's incredibly excellent all the time.
I’m happy to announce that I’m handsome and I have the best life and I’m probably happier than anyone I know
Okay so I just had a ham and cheese croissant with an Americano. You can’t fail with a ham and cheese croissant . If it’s stale just nuke it for a sec. And a really good Americano is - nothing beats it. I think it’s nuts how every single human being is a sketch comedian now
Favourite Cronenberg movies: Shivers, Rabid, The Brood, Scanners, Videodrome. And I also love this guy, Joe Silver
ME: What if a ghost haunts us in this hotel room? WIFE: Oh shut up and kiss me you fool
When eating toast with strawberry jam and morning coffee, never give a sucker an even break
Unbelievable start to the wonderful morning. I have the best life ever. Anything is possible if you put your coffee and jam on toast towards it
Chris Locke: Actor, Doctor, Writer, Comedian, Physiotherapist, Gangster, Cat Burglar, Optometrist, Dermatologist, Producer, Wedding Planner, Shark Hunter, Boat Maker, Painter, Musician, Daredevil , Accountant, Pilot, Pontiff, Pontificater, Prawn, Captain Highliner, Fish-Man, The Ocean
Luke and Owen Wilson need to reunite with Wes Anderson and boost all of their careers back on top with a really funny character driven Bottle Rocket-esque romp again ! *Not saying you guys don’t probably love your respective careers right now just Re-boost it for me! A Bottle Rocket guy