"New North Sea oil drilling faces delay after gear accidentally dropped in sea"

Feel like I’m the first person ever to make it this far into the X-Files

Announcing my new career as a youtube investment shyster. "3 Overlooked stocks that you should be buying yesterday". You will of course have to give me £4000 for a PDF, or pay to participate in my Webinar to find out what the stocks are, and yes they will tank immediately and permanently.

Bedroom down to 29.9C. Time for fitful sleetp.

New work attire discovered: Looking like you stopped in at the office in the middle of a fun run

I don't know man, I got home and the parcel was there. What do you want from me? Must I have opinions about every mundanity?

Always remember - Just because there's never been a beetle in your shoe, that doesn't mean that there isn't a beetle in your shoe.

(Misophonoia Brain) I really don’t understand people eating crisps just before lunch, or just after lunch. Just eat a better lunch! Also using a keyboard between bites. Yeah just slap your hand together twice, that’ll get the grease dust off. (Coworkers all have comically large crisp packet piles)

Preview of a work for my new exhibition - “Fumbling with my dang phone”

Been really trying not to order shit from Amazon, but had to recently and they've screwed up delivering 3 orders in a row. Hey Rufus! What's up with that? RUFUS!! You swine!!

"Xbox is weighing up cancelling its Marvel's Blade game and shuttering Arkane"

Fan breaks. "No problem, I will get one from Argos" Argos: "Why would we have fans?" "Fine, I'll go to the biggest shopping mall in Europe. Hey do you have fans?" Westfield: "No! Why would we have fans?" "Oh well, at least the mall is air conditioned" Westfield: "No! Why would we have AC?"

Can we do that sky scorching thing from the Matrix, but just like a bit? Maybe a couple of planes?

<- Shakes hands with one of those pricks who tries to crush your hand with their handshakes Me: "Ow!" Not really winning the male dominance shit today

The last couple of years I've celebrated Spooky August - when it becomes too hot to do anything except watch terrible franchise horror movies. This year, I've had to bring it forward and now we have Spooky June. At this rate, by 2030 February will be spooky.

Morning Routine: 5:55 Wake up 5:56 See what's going on with the reflecting pool now

Calibrachoa! My favourite flower for these balcony tubs. They usually last for months, and you get to play the fun game of guessing which colour will be ultimately victorious.

Oracle Bone Script (1250 – c. 1050 BC China) has some very evocative characters. But I am a bit concerned that they needed a character for Ghost, and it's kinda creepy.

My neighbour rents out their parking space. For the last couple of weeks this car has been coming and going with bird poop all over the driver’s door handle. Just so you know there are people like this out there. People with bird poop hands.

@theguardian.com Your website has adverts for Epicooler which is a scam. It is not an Air Conditioner, and cannot cool anything - it's just a fan.

Friggin Giant House Spiders. Found five of them over the last few days. Hands down the worst type of spider.

Look, I'm willing to admit that raising a peasant army isn't the solution to every problem. But can we like just try it at least once? See how it goes?

I hate it when the chemtrail pilots are on strike. Get back up there ya lazy bums!

Finally completed the modern half of my Corgi Discworld collection.

buifsooq poow, as I’m constantly saying

I’d like to congratulate my friend Josh for being the first person to think about the Ruth Rendell Mysteries in 2026

I'm loving the FF14 dungeon thing where the end boss doesn't explode or turn to dust. They just stay there after being beaten looking sad. Then the characters are like "Hey bud, are you okay? What were you trying to do anyway? Everything okay back in the void dimension?". Reach out to your bosses!

As a Londoner, I enjoy pedantically pointing out the errors in depictions of London. Here in the intro to Victorian Romance Emma, we can see Portcullis House to the right of Westminster Bridge. This building was constructed between 1998 and 2001, so would have not existed in Victorian times.

So what is the US going to do if a tanker tries to pass their blockade? Are they going to fire on the tanker? Are they pirates now? Does Trump want to be the Pirate King?

This is why I haven't watched terrestrial TV in like 20 years.