Lucy 🎀
@cuddly-nerd.bsky.social
Pfp: theplumbago She/Her. 24. Lesbian. Autistic. Mentally + chronically ill. Slovakia. Uni student. Interests (I post about): VFlower, Ghost & Pals, Vocaloid, N25, L/N, LavenderTowne, Heartstrings (webcomic), yuri, art, MLP, J-fashion. ❌ Anti-AI/NFT
Trauma recovery that isn't realistic & sustainable isn't recovery. Start w/ extremely small habits. Avoid changing too much at once. Build slowly, not intensely, & focus on the basics of how you're talking & relating to yourself today, in this minute. Keep it real.
Oh, in this trauma recovery process, we're gonna dance w/ hopelessness & cynicism. Don't think we won't. And don't think those feelings mean you can't realistically recover. Don't get sold on this idea that recovery is bullsh*t if you're not feeling the rainbows & puppies today.
Managing CPTSD is about managing our attention, & healing CPTSD is about healing our relationship w/ ourselves. You're going to get overwhelmed & distracted from both of those facts, but I need you to keep coming back to them. This is doable. Slow down, push pause, reset.
CPTSD is often defined by people & institutions getting in our head & distorting what we think, feel, & believe about ourselves. It's like they get in & rewire us-- & we spend years believing our wounds are just our "personality." But that's not true. We were hijacked. Sabotaged.
Realistically healing CPTSD means getting real about meeting our basic needs-- predictability, novelty, significance, connection, growth, & contribution-- in practical, realistic ways day by day. That can sound overwhelming-- but break it down. Think baby steps & micro choices.
The quality of our trauma recovery is the quality of our relationship w/ ourselves. Don't overcomplicate it. That relationship needs to be respectful, safe, communicative, & supportive-- & there are concrete things we can say & do inside our head today to feel those things.
CPTSD recovery is life management. I know we all have "trauma processing" fantasies about profound "ah-HA!" moments that change everything-- & those do happen-- but 90% of this really is realistic, unglamorous self-care that has nothing directly to do w/ our trauma or past.
Love yourself with such intensity (& in such concrete, behavioral ways) that your bullies & abusers would be mystified & appalled. Get cringe with it. Go all in. Show your "parts" & inner child how they should have been loved this whole time.
In my experience, healing trauma is less "gentle" than many survivors expect or want it to be. Our nervous system does not, actually, like reconsidering what it's had to do to survive. Reformatting ourselves is awkward & anxiety provoking & exhausting. Easy does it. Baby steps.
The quality of our trauma recovery is the quality of our relationship w/ ourselves. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt, have your own back, be on your own side. Even (especially!) if doing so is the exact opposite of what you were conditioned to do by your bullies & abusers.
Executive dysfunction, especially difficultly making decisions & getting or staying motivated, is common w/ CPTSD survivors. It has nothing to do w/ "willpower"-- it has everything to do w/ the fact that our nervous system is highly vulnerable to hijacking & dissociation.
Giving ourselves credit is something many trauma survivors struggle with. It often feels like a trap, something that can make us complacent or vulnerable. It can take a while to wrap our head around why acknowledging recovery gains matters-- so start small & concrete.
Something many CPTSD survivors experience is just this overall "bleh" feeling-- not exactly linked to a specific symptom or thought or belief or memory, just a pervasive feeling of suck. It's like having the flu without a fever, or a sunburn without the redness.
Managing & reducing that "fawn," "please & appease" response is one of the most consistently challenging trauma recovery tasks, for one reason: our culture LOVES when we fawn, & actively penalizes us when we set boundaries. It's not just "in our head." It's layered in the world.
The fact that we deserve a life that doesn't hurt doesn't mean the world is going to be enthusiastic about or yielding to our attempts to create that life. It's going to push back-- & we have to not overreact to its pushing back. Because we absolutely DO deserve that life.
Having been abused or neglected was not our fault. We did not "choose" that. The choices we make in trauma recovery are how we repair that damage & realistically build a life worth waking up to every day-- but that doesn't imply we were or are hurting due to "wrong" past choices.
Having no hobbies & taking no time to read & listen to things we like for no reason other than we like them, is an excellent way to stall & flame out in trauma recovery. We need as much dopamine & serotonin as we can get in this process. The things we like are recovery tools.
Don't tell them how you're working your trauma recovery. Show them. Remember how cheap words are. Remember how performative this whole culture & world are. The point of trauma recovery is not to talk a good game-- it's to make concrete, realistic shifts. Many of them privately.
Realistic emotional regulation involves self-talk, mental focus, and physiology. Every regulation strategy involves some combination of these, & wrangling reactivity starts w/ checking in w/ each of them. What am I saying to myself? Where's my focus? What's going on in my body?
Feeling unsafe doesn't necessarily mean we're unsafe-- & feeling safe doesn't necessarily mean we're safe. Our feelings matter, they're valid & important, but we need to be clear & realistic about using them as a guide to reality. They convey data & truth. And, they have limits.
I drew the illustrations for Project SEKAI: Colorful Stage! 2DMV『その音が鳴るなら』I'm so happy to draw for a really sweet and uplifting song🥰 humming it forever! www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6jQ... #プロセカ #レオニ
