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CustardFist

@custardfist.bsky.social

I’m a cartoonist from the Netherlands, making mostly silly and unwholesome comics. 😎 https://custardfist.com

1272 Posts242 Follower 174 Folgt

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 4w ago

’𝘽𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝘼𝙇𝙆’ 🛌 Oops. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Tim and Jamie are lying in bed. Tim snuggles up to Jamie.
Tim: HEY FLUFFIE SNUFFIE.
Jamie: HEY SNOOKIE POOKIE.

Tim: I SAW A WOMAN AT THE GROCERY STORE AND SHE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU.
Jamie: OH REALLY?

Jamie: DID YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE?
Tim’s smile is wiped off of his face, as he realizes he set a trap for himself. Gets nervous, starts sweating.

Tim gets up and walks away with his pillow under his arm.
Jamie: WHERE ARE YOU GOING, POOKIE?
Tim: I’LL GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH. IT’S INEVITABLE.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟳’ 📱 Fun & Games. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
Dad is on his knees at the side of the road, trying to grab something that fell into a curb inlet. Mother talks to her two children.
Mother: IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE LOSES AN IPHONE.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’🅐🅡🅣🅘🅢🅣🅘🅒 🅛🅘🅒🅔🅝🅢🅔’ 🎨🖼️🖌️ The 70’s were wild, man. 🪩 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -

Page 1/3

NASA HEADQUARTERS, 1976.
The mission leader announces the next phase in Voyager 2's mission to a board room full of engineers.
Leader: AT SOME POINT, VOYAGER 2 WILL DO A FLYBY OF URANUS.

Leader: I HAVE COMMISSIONED AN ILLUSTRATOR TO MAKE A RENDITION OF THIS EVENT.
A groovy looking artist wheels in a covered-up painting

Then, the artist pulls off the cover to reveal a very NSFW painting of Uranus and Voyager 2.

One engineer: MY GOD!!!
Another engineer: WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!?
One engineer even has a gag reflex.

Page 2/2

An engineer asks: WHAT IS IT DOING WITH ITS PLASMA WAVE ANTENNAS?
Artist: HOLDING THE HOLE OPEN.

Engineer: WHERE IS THE MAGNETOMETER BOOM?
Artist: INSIDE.

The leader gets angry with the artist.
Leader: THIS IS PORNOGRAPHY, MAN!
Artist: I PUT THE ‘LUST’ IN ILLUSTRATOR.

Leader: YOU PUT THE ‘ILL’ IN ILLUSTRATOR.
The leader shoves the artist out of the board room.
Artist: HEY MAN, ARE YOU DECOMMISSIONING ME?

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟲’ 🤖 “J.A.R.V.I.S., don’t release the hoisting clamps until I say NOW!” #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
Tony Stark is found dead in his private lab, crushed under his Iron Man suit.
The police have launched an investigation. The chief inspector looks at the mess and says: THAT’S IRONY, MAN.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’𝗔𝗪𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗠𝗘 𝗢𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗦𝗨𝗠 ’ 🌳🌲🌳🥾 Navigating by nature’s creatures. 🧭 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -

Hannah and Regina are hiking in the woods.
Hannah: UGH… WE’RE LOST… AND IT’S GETTING DARK.

An opossum runs by.
Regina: LOOK… AN OPOSSUM! IF WE FOLLOW IT, WE’RE SAVED!

Regina starts chasing the little critter.
Hannah: WAIT! WHAT?!? WHY ARE WE FOLLOWING THIS ANIMAL?
Regina: CUZ IF THERE’S ONE THING THESE FURRY FUCKERS CAN FIND, IT’S…

Regina: …ROADS!!!
All three are flung into the air after being hit by a car.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟱 ’ 🛥️ Does he have a bigger unit? #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a slightly naughty one panel comic - - -
Two people are in bed, about to get intimate for the first time. One lifts the sheets and looks rather disappointed at the other’s genitals.
Caption: I WAS TALKING IN NAUTICAL INCHES.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’𝙰𝙻𝚃𝙸𝚃𝚄𝙳𝙴 ’ 😶‍🌫️ It’s good having a copilot. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Two airline pilots are sitting in the cockpit of a plane in flight. The copilot is getting worried.
Copilot: CAPTAIN, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HIGH?

The pilot blows out a puff of smoke and hands the copilot a joint.

Then it turns out they are not actually in a cockpit. They’re just two stoners on a couch, being high as a kite.
Pilot: NO, MAYBE NOT. GOOD CALL.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · last mo.

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟰’ 🧠 Breakthrough. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
A frustrated man leaps up from the psychiatrist’s couch and punches the psychiatrist really hard in the face. As the psychiatrist is falling to the ground, bleeding, he says: OK, YOU JUST WENT FROM PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE TO ACTIVE AGGRESSIVE. THIS COULD BE A BREAKTHROUGH.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Yay! A fresh, hot batch of ☆ ☆ ☆ 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘅 ☆ ☆ ☆ Made and curated by a collective of fleshy humans and not by some algorithm. ✍️ Go have a read. If you like it, you can subscribe to our newsletter, so you don’t have to miss an issue. 📩 And it’s * * * 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘 * * * 🤩 buttondown.com/sundaycomix/...

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟯’ 🚫NSFW🚫 When your calf tightens for no reason. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟮’ 🦴🐶 Even dogs know. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
Two dogs are waiting for their owner to finish filling their food bowls.

Younger dog: SNIFF SNIFF. WOW, THIS NEW DOG FOOD SMELLS GREAT!!!

Older, more cynical dog: OF COURSE IT DOES. IT WAS DESIGNED BY A SMELLGORITHM.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗𝗦 ’ 💌 Yep. We all need teabags once in a while. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
A husband and wife are at the supermarket. The man asks: OK, HONEY. WHAT DO WE NEED? The woman replies under her breath: A LONG, HARD DICK FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.
Surprised, the man turns to her: WHAT’S THAT?
Neutrally, the woman says: TEABAGS.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟭’ 💨 Including other people’s. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -

Caption: JENNIFER WAS ADAMANT ABOUT HOLDING IN FARTS IN CONFINED SPACES.

Then we see Jennifer, a sturdily built woman, squeezing the butts of the other passengers on the elevator shut.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Oh my. Another edition of 🅂🅄🄽🄳🄰🅈 🄲🄾🄼🄸🅇 sundaycomix.com No algorithms, just comics, drawn and curated by people. Want to read comics? Sign up for the newsletter. Are you a comics creator? Join us.

Sunday Comix - Indie webcomics, every other Sunday morning

Indie webcomics, every other Sunday morning. A free bi-weekly newsletter of original strips by independent creators. Read in-browser, no algorithms.

sundaycomix.com

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟱𝟭 ’ 🍵🧓 Some random nonsense from my archive. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
Caregivers look after elderly residents in a nursing home. The residents display varying levels of vitality.
One caregiver says to another: “DEATH IS A SPECTRUM, YOU KNOW.”

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 ’ **************** Was in a hurry. Slapped this together in 45 minutes. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Ronald has to enter a password for a new account. We see a text appear that says: YOUR PASSWORD IS **WEAK**!
Ronald: OH C’MON!

Then we zoom out and we see that there is a big barbarian standing next to him and he was the one who said it.
Barbarian: ADD AT LEAST ONE SPECIAL CHARACTER!
Ronald, snarkingly: **YOU’RE** THE SPECIAL CHARACTER, HERE!

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟰𝟬’ 🍵 “𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘝𝘪𝘯𝘺𝘢𝘴𝘢 𝘺𝘰𝘨𝘢.” #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
An annoyed looking woman with colorful hair stares at us. Near her chin, she holds a mug with the text:
DON’T TALK TO ME BEFORE I HAD MY GINGER INFUSED DARJEELING WHITE TEA.

Do people even read these alt texts?

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝑺𝑬𝑿𝒀 𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑺’ 🐰🐇 What must they be thinking of us? #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a slightly naughty comic - - -

Page 1/3

A female rabbit puts on lipstick.
She puts on a pair of fake human ears.
She is now wearing a comically exaggerated human costume, including a pink human-shaped rear attachment.

Male rabbit: “YEAH, BABY! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU WEAR YOUR SEXY HUMAN OUTFIT!”

Page 2/3

Female rabbit: “YOU WANNA DO IT LIKE HUMANS?”
Male rabbit: “YES PLEASE!”

Female rabbit: “FIRST, YOU GOTTA TAKE ME TO DINNER.”
Male rabbit: “SURE.”

Female rabbit: “THEN I WANT A BACKRUB.”
Male rabbit: “OKAY.”

Female rabbit: “AND THEN WE RUB AND LICK A FEW BODY PARTS AS ‘FOREPLAY’”
Male rabbit: “[SNICKER SNICKER] EWWW.”

Male rabbit: “BUT THEN, I’LL GIVE YOU THE WILDEST THREE MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE.”

The female rabbit looks dramatically shocked, holding her paws against her cheeks.

Female rabbit: “THREE MINUTES?!? I’LL BRING A THICK BOOK.”

Page 3/3

Female rabbit: “PLEASE PULL OUT IN TIME OR ELSE I’LL HAVE A LITTER OF JUST ONE BABY!”

Male rabbit: “SO WHAT? WE CAN STILL MAKE LOVE AGAIN AFTERWARDS.”

The female rabbit starts crying.
Female rabbit: “NOOO! I DON’T FEEL PRETTY ANYMORE!”

The two rabbits burst out laughing.

Inside the house, a man and woman are doing a little roleplaying and the woman is wearing a sexy rabbit costume.
They hear the laughter and look out the window into the garden.
Woman: “ARE THOSE RABBITS LAUGHING AT US?”

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟵’ Well.. You gotta start at the beginning. 📃 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
Caption: LIZA’S FIRST DAY ON THE JOB.
The director sits on the bed next to Liza, a new porn actress, and he patiently explains the job to her.
Director: WHEN A MOMMY PORN ACTRESS AND A DADDY PORN ACTOR LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH…

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 2mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟴 ’ 👽🛸🌌 That would make me spiral, for sure. 😐 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
Two aliens from outer space sit at a bar on Earth.

Bartender: YOU GUYS CAME ALL THE WAY FROM THE SAGITTARIUS DWARF SPHEROIDAL GALAXY?

Alien: YEAH. OUR GALAXY HAS NO BAR.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝑽𝑬𝑵𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑨𝑵 𝑩𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑺 ’ ≣ Let’s just say you can’t get them at IKEA. 😉 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Martin is showing off his new house to his lady friend, Jesse.
Martin: SO THIS IS MY NEW CRIB. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Jesse: OH MY. I LOVE THIS KITCHEN.
Then Jesse turns her head to see the living room.
Jesse: OH MY G..!!!! WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE AMAZING VENETIAN BLINDS?!?
In the living room there are two confused looking, blind, Venetian gondoliers with their gondolas, wearing sunglasses and holding their seeing eye dogs by the leash.
Gondolier 1: DIS DOESN’T SMELLA LIKE-A VENICE!
Gondolier 2: I MUSTA HAVE TAKEN-A DA WRONG TURNA SOMEWHERE, EH?

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟳’ 🐡 Murky waters. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one-panel comic - - -
A young couple is staring at a fishbowl filled with murky brown water.
Girl: I THINK THE GOLDFISH HAS DIARRHEA.
Boy: YOU THINK?

Does anyone actually read these alt texts? Let me know. Leave a comment or a DM.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟲’ 💦 There he is. Our aquatic ancestor. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝑺𝑰𝑳𝑬𝑵𝑻’ 💨 Silent, but deadly. #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Three teenage boys are sitting next to each other in class. The boy in the middle leans toward his friend on the right and whispers with a smug, menacing grin: HEY, WATCH THIS. SILENT, BUT DEADLY.
He leans over a little more and points his butt toward the boy on the left.

He starts pushing, and a dark cloud begins to emanate from his butt.

Then the boy on the left quietly gets his head cut off by the black ninja that emerged from the dark cloud.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟱 ’ 😷💍 It’s a bit like the ‘Princess and the Pea’ fairy tale. 🤭 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

YAY! A new issue of the successful webcomic newsletter ‘𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗶𝘅’ just landed in my inbox. ✊😍✊ It has pictures and everything AND the selection was NOT done by some incomprehensible algorithm. It was done by incomprehensible artists. 😎 buttondown.com/sundaycomix/...

Sunday Comix #30

For this issue’s cover, we’re treated to the art (or, “l’arte”, for the cultured comic readers among us) of Charles Brubaker, (creator of ‘Lauren Ipsum’)....

buttondown.com

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝓑𝑰𝑮 𝓛𝑶𝑽𝑬 ’ 🕸️ This is how I always imagined Spider Woman. 😉 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Spider-Man is crawling on the side of some skyscraper. Suddenly, his Spidey senses are tingling. Then he sees a huge spider woman, about 100 times bigger than he is. He starts crawling towards her while unzipping his pants, thinking: “I HOPE SHE HAS ALREADY EATEN.”

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟰’ 🍄‍🟫 He exudes happiness. 😉 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one panel comic - - -
A woman witnesses her husband happily climbing a tree.
Woman: HA! AND YOU DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP THE PARASITIC FUNGUS! LOOK AT YOU NOW!
Man: YAY! I CAN FEEL A BREEZE UP HERE!
The man looks a little “out of it” and has a large spore stalk growing out of his head.

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝙵𝚄𝙽 𝙰𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚂𝙴 ’ 🌋 Now that’s fun afterplay. 😉 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a comic strip - - -
Page 1/3

It is the year 1870 near a small desert town. A brothel, called “THE WHOLE WAY INN.”, sits in a quiet spot just outside the village, with rough heathland stretching behind it.

Inside one of the rooms, a cowboy is getting dressed after having sex with a prostitute lying on the bed.
Cowboy says: “THANK YOU, MISS. THAT SURE WAS LOVELY.”
The prostitute says: “BUT THE FUN AIN’T OVER YET, SUGAR.”

The brothel madam suddenly kicks the door open. [KICK]

The madam stands in the doorway and shouts:
The madam says: “THE FLOOR IS LAVA!”

Page 2/2

The cowboy jumps up with an amused grin and hangs from the door.

The madam says: “THE DOOR IS LAVA!”

The cowboy jumps back onto the prostitute on the bed.

The madam says: “THE WHORE IS LAVA!”

Cowboy says: “DAGNABBIT!”
The cowboy quickly jumps off her again.
The cowboy leaps into a drawer of the bedside table.

The madam says: “THE DRAWER IS LAVA!”

Cowboy yells: “OH C'MON!”
The cowboy suddenly launches himself through the window shutters.

Page 3/3

Outside, the cowboy painfully bounces off the edge of a hill.

He lands in the rough grassland behind the brothel and disappears into the heath bushes. [FLOF]

The madam and the prostitute lean out the window and shout:
The madam says: “THE MOOR IS LAVA!”

The cowboy suddenly emerges from the bushes laughing while riding on the back of a pig.

Close-up of the madam and the prostitute.
The prostitute says: “THE BOAR IS LAVA!”

The cowboy laughs.
Cowboy says: “HAHA! NICE TRY!”
Cowboy says: “THIS AIN’T NO BOAR! IT’S A HOG!”

The madam says: “GOLLY! YOU WIN AGAIN!”
The cowboy rides his pig off into the sunset.
Cowboy says: “THIS WAS FUN! SEE Y’ALL NEXT WEEK!”

CustardFist @custardfist.bsky.social · 3mo ago

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟯𝟯’ 🧚 A Burrito Supreme® isn’t good food for a fairy. 😗 #webcomic #webcomics #comic #comics #joke #jokes #comicstrip #comicstrips #funny #custardfist

- - - This is a one panel comic - - -
A tiny, blond fairy in a purple fairy dress is squatting down, holding on to a tuft of grass and having violent diarrhea.
Peter Pan is worried and asks from a decent distance: ARE YOU OK, TACO BELL?