What if we all went to the town hall on the same day and changed our names to Jim Power. How many Jim Powers do you think they'd sign off on before they realised there's so many folks now called Jim Power. What if Jim Power became the new John Smith

I bring a kind of "yippee end of the world" vibe to the eclipse that my neighbours don't appreciate

Awful therapy session where I locked out (as opposed to locking in, it's like I'm trapped behind glass in my head and can't really talk or blink properly). You'd think it was something awful but it was just I cried cause I was warm and gross and my furby woke me up talking at 3am

I like to think I'm in an alright place mentally but yesterday when I was thanking family for gifts and well-wishes I had to keep saying "I AM NORMAL. I AM BEING NORMAL. THIS IS NORMAL. IT'S OKAY." out loud to myself to reassure myself.

People say about having kids and having awkward conversations as part of them growing up but don't talk about having the awkward conversations with your parents. My ma just asked me what woke is.

Got presents from Lewis which individually are absolute bangers, knocked it out of the park, but altogether is a little overwhelming. What do you mean he got me the professor Layton I'm missing 😭😭😭😭

That's me thirty five today. I'm so old now.

I'm So Old Now

Alt: "I'm So Old Now" from the old guy in I Will: The Story of London

static.klipy.com

Hate when people are like "hear me out" and it's a conventionally attractive europlatformer mascot 🙄🙄

What if they remade evangelion and they changed nothing except making the Eva units and angels giant waifus and all the battle noises were like ewaaaaaooo >o< and all that and it sucked

When people say they don't like comedy in star trek I assume the worst and that they mean they hate that TNG episode when Data tries to learn standup comedy and I'm like hey! 😤

When a girl is like "I'm worrieddddd can you make sure I haven't leaked" and they have, noone tells you about the followup duty you have to perform - killing anyone who points out the girl has leaked

Not sure about anyone else but anytime I hear that a classic videogame is now ported to pc at last I internally sigh because I just assume at this point it's an ai decomp

Sorry I tongue punched your fart box and death gripped your scrote, Claude said it'll go down a treat. What no not the ai I mean the Belgian pro dom I shared some lines with in a toilet in Henley, what the fuck are you talking about

The chao are ready for Sonic Expo Atlanta!

Game systems if they were GAY: GameTHEY/THEM 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Nintendo FAGicom 🤡🤡🤡🤡 GAYstation 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 MXbox 😂😂 Atari FAGuar 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶 Wii U 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 Nintendo SWITCH 💯💯💯💯 Sega GAY gear 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

Me, internally: don't say amateur cowgirl, don't say amateur cowgirl Me out loud:

JAV Titles@jav.scd.lol · last wk.

Amateur Cowgirl FUCK

You know when you go out for a quiet night out and next thing you know is it's like 3am, you're in a random house of a guy named spud and you're pounding shots of amaretto while he lies pissed on the floor doing bicep curls? That's how I feel still being alive nearing 35 after growing up suicidal

Smokin that modern green, Thinkin about mondegreens, Nibble my girl's labia, Call that high-cootie-chewy-tri

Funny I was saying about how the bills blindsided me and I need to be sensible for the next couple of weeks then immediately bought a couple of figures (they were on sale in Smyth's let me have this)

Fucks me up that there's a modern Pokémon generation where there were two versions and not only is one more expensive on the secondary market but one is still sold physically in stores while the other one isn't. Hardly a bloody fair choice y'know. I'm middle-aged now, raging about Pokémon

Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (2006)

I feel like all outrage atm is completely justified with the big evils going round but also I feel like we're missing something stupid and inconsequential to be pissed off about, which is why I suggest that the royal mint starts making 50ps square. Everyone will hate it. We can be a nation united.

David Essex, grasping his favourite twink desperately as he's kicked out of the gay polycue: With just a handful of MEN, we'll start ALL OVER AGAIN

Did the TV licence not needed form thing and they said they might need to send someone to check 👉👈 that's okay right? And I didn't have an option to tell them if they did the bastard's gonna get a longass lecture and I might just break their legs if I don't like the cut of their jib

Been listening to an album by Lew's dad's favourite band and was thinking about talking to him about it next time I see him and thought no he'd probably tell me it's a shite album and an awful choice and I was like damn, rejection issues so bad you're imagining getting dismissed by someone else's da

Was wondering why I'm so sore today and just found out the wardrobe I put together the other day and shunted around was 78kg no wonder I hurt I'm not built for this

Do you think Pete and Manuel from mkr ever explore each other -red dot appears on my head- gastronomically,