Lawyer Jeff, as it turned out, did not know the lowdown.

Coding and listening to R.E.M. like it’s 1993.

If a dickhead on the High Street with a clipboard asks me if I could win an Olympic gold, punch out a gorilla, or take out an enemy encampment with a bowie knife, I’m 100% saying yes. Ask a stupid question…

The further we get from the old century, the more I miss it. Somewhat shameful nostalgia, I guess.

I lost my philosophy in Debenhams in Edinburgh back in ‘98 but I didn’t write a song about it.

So you’re losing your religion, Stipy. What are you expecting, a fucking prize?

It rained for five minutes and I just lay there, listening to the raindrops.

BE ALERT. THIS COUNTRY NEEDS LERTS.

Ahooo, werewolves of London. Fact.

Still 31C outside. COOL DOWN SO I CAN OPEN THE FUCKING WINDOWS.

‘Withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy.’

Thirty degree days can fuck right off.

Ambulance just pulled up next door. This heat is no joke.

Can’t believe them moon slags tried to blot out the sun. Fucking muppets.

Next issue on Spidey and His Irritating On-Off Girlfriend…

Does whatever a spider can, my arse. You’ve got fuck all legs for an arachnid, Pete.

We have now reached the far future, where every movie is a Hulk movie.

No, you just fanboyed your way through a dream where you met Johnny Cash.

The internet’s there so you can watch puppy and kitten videos and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Week off work but we spent all our holiday money on solar panels, so I’m drinking tea and reading Jerome K. Jerome.

‘Jumpin’ Jesus’ Matthews. Crazy name, crazy guy,

I’m no authoritarian but people who write their own notes on library books should be exterminated with flamethrowers.

Stanford University is a plague on humanity. They’re going to kill us all.

Goal at 45 seconds.

Britpop will never die until the DJ at Carrow Road does.

Earth People, I was born on Jupiter. That is all.

Lost my heart in a 1980s disco to a brutal riff played on a four kilobyte synth.

Those were different times.

‘You should go home, the baby won’t be born any time soon.’ (As it turned out the baby nearly got born in the car park of the Royal Edinburgh Infirmary)

Heather Hill@rollin-academic.bsky.social · 2w ago

A question from Reddit that I'll answer here: "What's the most unhinged thing a doctor has said to you with a straight face?"

My rocket crashed into the moon ffs. That’s sixty-nine bazillion dollars down the shitter.