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Dark Hi And Lois

@darkhiandlois.bsky.social

The beloved newspaper strip Hi and Lois can be quite dark. Strips rated from 1 to 10 Quiet Desperation Units (QDUs) and sometimes beyond. A project of @mattweiner19.bsky.social not in any way affiliated with HI & Lois. I just realized I should say that

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Dark Hi And Lois@darkhiandlois.bsky.social · 5d ago

oh you sweet summer child. today marks the day when Sunbeam begins to lose the eternal struggle against the literal forces of darkness. in a few months he will begin to rise again, but you've never seen that, have you? I forget exactly how old you are 0/10 QDUs, cute Trixie and Sunbeam strip

Lois, smiling, next to a lamp on a dresser, calendar on the wall: Today is the autumnal equinox. Trixie, pensive: I guess that's a good thing... Lois and Trixie look out the window at the lawn with a white fence and the sun shining brightly. Trixie: Because Sunbeam is celebrating.
Dark Hi And Lois@darkhiandlois.bsky.social · 2w ago

when Lois, who has a job, comes home from work after her husband, does she say "Hi, honey, I'm home" or "HI, Hi honey, I'm home"? 0/10 QDUs as Hi's last-panel smile indicates that he has happily acquiesced to Lois's quite reasonable point

Lois, with a little smile: Hi, honey... Hi, looking up from his newspaper in his chair: Yes, dear? Lois: Time to start dinner. Hi: Ok. Hi: You fix the salad and some corn... Hi, walking away with a smile: And I'll go cook the steak. Lois: Why does it always have to be that way? Hi, looking back over his shoulder: It doesn't. Outside by the picnic table. Hi walks up carrying a salad with a little grin. Lois, wearing a Grill Queen apron, holding a fork next to a grill with two steaks, smiling a sly triumphant smile: No gender bias in our house. Irma, making a fist-bumpy fist, similar smile or possibly drunk: Right on, sister.
Dark Hi And Lois@darkhiandlois.bsky.social · 2w ago

golf. golf. Golf. GOLF. GOLF!!!! classic golf here. this honestly effectively conveys exactly why this is a knee-slapper if you like golf. I have learned that you get a mulligan if your shot lands in standing water, and the lake doesn't count. but I didn't want to learn that! 3/10 QDUs, Hi is mad

Hi stares into the distance, astonished, as Thirsty says, smiling: My ball landed in the standing water. Rules say I get relief. Hi, scowling furiously: That's a lake!
Dark Hi And Lois@darkhiandlois.bsky.social · 2w ago

I don't think the saying implies you're only going to get one? also it doesn't really apply to cookies unless your mom is the sort of person to hide carob in among the chocolate chip, which Lois frankly is. also I don't know if I've ever seen carob outside of jokes. cute interaction, 1/10 QDUs

Ditto, pointing and smiling: Life is like a jar of cookies... Ditto: You never know what you're going to get. Lois, grumpily investigating the comically huge cookie jar that is on the drawer, of the kind only found in comic strips: It looks like you got more than one.
Dark Hi And Lois@darkhiandlois.bsky.social · 3w ago

golf golf golf golfity golf I don't know why Hi delivered this sententious platitude to Thirsty, they are employed together and he knows Thirsty already never works a day in his life. I also don't know if Thirsty thinks the golf pro gets to spend all day at the 19th hole. 4/10 QDUs

Hi, in a golf outfit with red polo and red ballcap, with the appropriate dumb smug smile for delivering this line: Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life. Thirsty, broad smile, golf club over his shoulder: I'd love to be a professional golfer. Hi, worried expression, holding his club over his shoulder with his index finger on the middle of the haft in a way that doesn't really look right: It also has to be a job you can do.