I’m not one to kiss and tell, but let’s just say we were out of the bearded barley. Let’s just say we took the train marked on my father’s map. Let’s just say I wore those shoes and she wore that dress.
Dave Shumka
@daveshumka.bsky.social
I’m doing myself a disservice. He/Him. stoppodcastingyourself.com
I'd be a pretty bad dog because I actually like getting a little spritz in the face when I misbehave on a hot day.
Clavicle Man, Clavicle Man, Clavicle Man hates Cortisol Man.
My favourite part of Train Dreams is when he snores and it sounds like “choo choo.” Anyway, thanks for letting me tweet here.
"Dad, what were you like in the '90s?" And it's just pictures of me listening to "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, wall plastered with posters for the movie City of Angels.
You know, you could take up a hobby. Then you wouldn’t be so impressed when you hear an actor spent 3 weeks learning darts or whatever.
Good for you but I’ll never stop riding in horse carriages.
Scrooge: Who is that awakening me on this Christmas Eve?
A lot of people like it when Seal goes “Bay-BAY I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.” But you know what’s underrated? When Seal goes “But did you know that when it snows…”
To celebrate the life of Diane Keaton I will be wearing pants for the next few months.
One thing I love about a 20-slide Instagram carousel is trying to guess where the fuck I am in the middle of it.
It’s so pathetic how my friends love the Sopranos cuz it’s like bro the Sopranos wouldn’t like you AT ALL.
Hot take: I don't think you should be allowed to use the self-checkout if you're a dumbshit.
New in the bonus feed! Dave and Graham make the ultimate summer playlist.
Me: Fellate a minion? Yes please! Snooty waiter: It’s pronounced filet mignon.
Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee… Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
Just met my girlfriend’s dad for the first time. Considering bragging that I can milk anything with nipples. Hope he doesn’t get my ass on a technicality.
Now that we have a Chicago pope, Christmas is gonna have a lot more Dominic the Donkey.
