driving to trivia and thinking about all the harrowing moments of my life in case I need to go slumdog millionaire mode

I'm suspicious that "Jared" is not the kind of name people want to buy diamonds from, and to top it off Subway's current mascot is named Jared and he's a sniveling little dork. this couldn't get any worse

my most cherished junior high memory was when a friends little brother was dared to print a hardcore pornographic photo in the school library and when he wasn't looking another kid changed the quantity to 999 so he got caught

currently doing this years “vice week” where I stop all my bad habits at once. they’re mostly things I picked up trying to cope with last years vice week

staggering into work after a 5-day bender wearing a filthy tattered 3 wolf moon t-shirt, then sliding open my drawer of crisp new three wolf moon shirts, Don Draper style

i typically find it performative when middle aged men say they hate children. thanks for making that clear buddy the big line of women waiting for you to knock them up will have to find a new loser to covet

one thing that always stuck with me from To Catch A Predator is the pedophiles for some reason always said yes when Hansen asked to see in their backpacks. if my backpack was just condoms, a lunchable, and a shovel, i would probably say "no" to that one

The Aztec war god was named Left-Handed Hummingbird because hummingbirds love to fight. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hu%C4%A...

Huītzilōpōchtli - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Mike Ginn@shutupmikeginn.bsky.social · 2y ago

i respect the hummingbirds fighting over their feeder so much. it’s like if a guy stood around a 10,000 gallon tanker of Sprite that got replenished every two days and when ever someone else got near he’d walk right up and punch them in the face

my buddy is interested in getting an air fryer and I’m trying to get him to borrow mine to try it. he thinks borrowing a whole appliance is taboo. I told him all genius ideas are at first

going undercover as a conservative manosphere booktok guy. i will target isolated men and put them onto the Le Carre - Graham Green - Kurt Vonnegut pipeline.

Adrian 'buy HAIR SHIRT' Sobol@yoadrianididit.bsky.social · 2w ago

Excuse me?

Hanging out with a Canadian who knows so much about American politics that it makes me feel stupid. About to hit them with like a “that Rob Ford huh? don’t u kinda love it when mayors smoke crack?”

experiencing a weird symptom of aging. I just got anxious because I don’t know anything about Napoleon. A man my age should know at least a little about Napoleon

for real watched Manchester by the Sea last night and right now Casey Affleck is at the same coffee shop as me. So i'm thinking tonight I'll watch Attack of the 50 Foot Woman!

not sure it’s in good taste for Siri to use this image, but they do both look like Elliot Smith

using the 40x zoom on my phone to look several blocks away to see if a churro stand is open tonight

saw this section and heard beavis and butthead laughing from far away like the green goblin

I have an idea for one of those short form vertical sketch groups where it’s 3 guys who live together, but they’re all in their 40s and live in a “Divorce House”

phone booth lands outside of garage, doors open. rufus come meet these most excellent babes that we have just plucked from a dire situation out of a crevice of this australian hanging rock

I’m a tornado chaser. There’s basically nothing I won’t do to fuck a tornado.

cashier today told me he knew me from twitter and said him and his partner still use “the butter’s penthouse” 😭

hiring graphic designer and losing $7,000 in free food costs to thwart the couple who didn’t pay for their rolls. I love small business owners!

your life truly is torture, i see

oh my god I just found out Jimothy lives in my old Seattle neighborhood. Long live hometown king Jimothy who I would now die for even though I didn’t care about him one minute ago

the rats in front of my apartment are fighting for half an old chicken sandwich, but have virtually no chance against me

it’s kind of bullshit they write so much crap inside greeting cards. when you open them they should simply say: ‘GREETINGS’

(after getting all my men killed for two decades straight) I have to go on a sexy Mediterranean cruise with my wife Anne Hathaway to honor them

i think the movie theater is selling certain items for more than they paid for them. not good

Flickr is the most charming website to me. Got a notification that the admin of this not very active photo group changed the description to let people know he's on vacation. There's a responsibility here you just don't see anywhere else

This is funny but, Back In My Day in Austin, the staff moved discreetly in silence - they were basically ninjas. The food rocked, and I regularly got zooted on buckets of Lone Star. RIP Drafthouse, another awesome thing ruined by selling out.

Mike Ginn@shutupmikeginn.bsky.social · 4w ago

we at alamo drafthouse consider this to be a movie sanctuary, so turn off your damn phones! also every seat has a little light exactly as bright as a phone so you can read our menu, and a guy will be walking around the whole movie trying to figure out who ordered the shishito peppers

we at alamo drafthouse consider this to be a movie sanctuary, so turn off your damn phones! also every seat has a little light exactly as bright as a phone so you can read our menu, and a guy will be walking around the whole movie trying to figure out who ordered the shishito peppers