You ever get so fed up with someone that you wanna just shrink 'em down and turn them into a vibrating plug? ...on my 9th one as we speak.
*mega mushroom sfx* 🦌
@vaporisuseless.bsky.social
Hi, my name is Vapor, and I'm terrible. But seriously, who am I? Just your (un)friendly macro deer with a big rear and even bigger attitude. BLEAT! 💢 Commissioner | Sona and commed art are mine | Loves tag teaming with other giants | Under 18? DNI.
Messing around with the planets like they're Fushigi balls because I'm an asshole like that. ✨️
Traveling from country to country can be such a pain in the ass when you've got the Navy Seals and Coast Guard constantly attacking you while you're walking across the ocean. ...every single one meets my fingertips. Whether that be CRUSHED or flicked half the world away.
Normalize giving all your palm-sized pals a hard...HARD time on a daily basis. I don't make the rules, I just follow them to the utmost T.
Had a thought last night... Continuing on the trend of wearing Greco-Roman attire that @sizabledanger.hyper.wang suggested a while ago. Got me up in the stormclouds throwing it back, and every time it claps? A lightning bolt erupts out from below. Gotta give Zeus a run for his money.⚡️
People are gonna think it's about to pour rain whenever they hear thunder in the sky. Nope...just 2 giants appreciating a beautifully crafted spectacle.
About to give a new meaning to 'the shot heard 'round the world' multiple times when one of my giant buds spank this titanic tush multiple times.
Sometimes when I hear a nice pop rockin' banger like Someday (Glass Tiger), I get an urge...an urge to SING! ...of course, if I'm singing, EVERYONE in the country hears it whether they like it or not. Not like they can drown it out...a giant's voice carries from the east to the west coast.
How do I win every argument? Grab them by their shirt and dangle them over my front or backside. OR threaten to wallop them against either side until they admit I'm right OR let me get my way. Why else do I get the AUX cord/Bluetooth pairing for every road trip?
Thunder and earthquakes? But there's not a dark cloud in the sky! Where could it be coming fr- ...oh wait. It's just me throwing it back to spite everyone down there.
All these damned bots liking my posts need to experience a five finger complaint letter from this easily irritable giant buck. My fist ----> Whatever scummy HQ they reside at.
Comparing your girth size to the tallest buildings in the world is the biggest ego boost ever imaginable when you're bigger than all of 'em on a horny day. Even moreso when you realize that you can just knock it down like a Jenga tower with one side swipe of the dong.
This baby can fit just about anything inside it OR demolish just about anything too. -Toys -People (Smart OR stupid) -Buildings -Airplanes -Cars -Busses -National Landmarks -Rockets Basically either you, anything that makes anything convenient for you OR gives you the slightest sense of joy.
Sometimes I'll be grabbing my phone from my pocket and some loose change will fall out. Don't gotta worry about people stealing it since the last thing they see before they perish is a giant, metal portrait of Lincoln or Washington about to crush everything within a whateverthefuck-mile radius.
People say that flying is the quickest form of transportation? Me? All it takes is a couple steps and I'm in a completely different continent. ...not apologizing for those Grand Canyon sized footprints, by the way. Deal with it.
Hey, hey...got a joke for you. What's a giant's favorite food? MACRO-NI HA. Alright, shut up and get back in my underwear.
OOC: So many legends in the last couple of days... 👀
Waterfalls make for nice sinks...cleaning my hands of any leftover micros left on them. And the best part? If it's a tourist attraction, you can splash EVERYONE with an ABUSIVE amount of water. What're they gonna do about it? Screw 'em.
Hmmm...I wonder if there's any fellow macros out there who'd enjoy atomizing an entire city with me...
Inside me, there are 2 wolves. ...they got cocky when they saw a dorky, nerdy deer, so I scooped them up, dropped my pants + undies and gave them a new home. You can connect the dots.
"DAMNIT, DANA, IT'S 2:40 ON A THURSDAY AFTERNOON!!" Priscilla's the personal assistant to a ratwoman CEO at a major pharmaceutical company. Normally, this involves keeping things running smoothly for the most powerful woman in the world! However, her boss has a...unique sense of humor~
Helicopters...I swear, they're like gnats. One flies by your ear and you end up whacking yourself against the face. Makes them so much more satisfying to catch and pulverize between your fingertips. Right down to the last 'MAYDAY!!'.
Yo. *TAP TAP TAP* Oh, calm down, you bunch of crybabies. Jesus, you act like the Empire State Building is made of Elmer's glue and popsicle sticks. Anyway...found a pair of khakis that finally fit. Do they make my ass look fat? Oh yeah, I ripped the roof off a clothing store and stole 'em. Why?
One caveat about being a macro? You can never can get through a SINGULAR day without this titanic tush colliding into SOMETHING that's well worth over 5 or 6 digits. ...not really my problem, though. I've gotten desensitized to it.
By rules of the new apartment complex, I'm no longer allowed to blast 80's pop...as every time I shake my hips, it causes the whole complex to rock around violently. ...and by international law too, since it causes the earth to slightly shift away from its gravitational pull from the sun.
Imagine being sat on by a deer that's 100x your size, and the mere moment it goes completely dark, all you see are the words: GAME OVER
To NASA, the solar system is a gorgeous, beautiful spectacle. All the planets are bigger than anything anyone has ever seen before. Truly, a celestial, galactic work of art. ...to me, just thread some string through all of them and it's another set of anal beads for my black hole buck butt.
People know about the old stereotype of us deer being easy targets for hunters... Yeah right. Tell that to the numerous pickup trucks I've stomped on and hunters I've had to pick off my palms and khakis. Your camouflage sucks by the way. Hope you saved that receipt from Bass Pro Shops.