Charlie the McCrackin
@charliemccrackin.bsky.social
Bunch of different guys—actour, writeur, comedianite
When you ask how my weekend was, I can quickly answer “good,” but if you ask what I did over the weekend, I need a moment to respond because I don’t want to say “I practiced things I might say if I met Nigella Lawson” (e.g. “will you push me down these stairs?”)
This season there’s lots of people telling grads to “follow their dreams” or “set life goals and work to achieve them” but what’s wrong with good old-fashioned “intuitively survive the violent current of the universe as it draws you through an endless series of escalating obsessions,” huh?
Repeating to myself: just because you’re horny doesn’t mean you deserve to have access to someone who will push you down the stairs
Jaylin Williams out here looking like John Legend found a Zoltar machine
Probably the thing I like most about being bisexual is the lack of community
Lately regretting my decision to go into creative writing rather than war profiteering
That song Take Me to Church but instead it’s Push Me Down Stairs and it’s about me trying to find a date
Abused people often become abusers later in life and use their past trauma as justification for the abuse they themselves commit. The cycle of abuse is a real thing. It is rael
Easter morning, when married men across America wake up and say, “He is risen!” and show their wives their morning erections but just joking of course, obviously, unless, I mean, if you want to…
Los Angeles! Come on out tonight to see me with BAG OF HAMMERS and enjoy the triumphant return of a brand new crew. IF I HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, SO DO YOU www.instagram.com/p/DWj7Gm7EqF...
Dana Q on Instagram: "This Friday at @outsideinthtr Bag of Hammers is going to put on a little improv pageant for you. 7:30 p.m. 12 bucks. https://outsideintheatre.org/tickets/ (or link in bio bb). Se...
31 likes, 0 comments - dtotheq on March 31, 2026: "This Friday at @outsideinthtr Bag of Hammers is going to put on a little improv pageant for you. 7:30 p.m. 12 bucks. https://outsideintheatre.org/tic...
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The fun thing about moving is adding one more to my collection of shoe boxes that contain all the stuff from the junk drawers of every place I’ve ever lived
Sure it’s 100° on the first day of spring out here in LA, but with the windchill factor it feels like shit
On this week’s SCOTT HASNT SEEN, we watch a special TV crossover event: the November sweeps 1986 two-parter that united MAGNUM, P.I. (S7E8) & MURDER, SHE WROTE (S3E8)! Joining us is comedian, writer and returning guest @charliemccrackin.bsky.social! Available exclusively at @cbbworld.bsky.social!
Hay fever more like nay fever because I refuse to participate
When you’re resetting your password and you type in your new password and it says that doesn’t meet the criteria for a password because it can’t be the same as your current password and you say to the reset your email box fuck you I don’t need you anymore.
Gas, grass, or ass. Something in here stinks
Preemptive retaliation is oxymoronic. Basing a war on the idea is regular moronic
War, what is it good for? Top of the list: Using up extra guys
Just checked and it looks like my self-destruct sequence was initiated at some point and has been ticking down this whole time. Isn’t there supposed to be a lady with an overhead announcement?
Starting to worry I will never meet The One* *a person who will push me down the stairs
Now she can spend more time with her hobbies
The state of the world now is great for cancelling plans or missing deadlines. You can just shake your head and be like, “With everything going on…” or “In times like these…” and no one can say shit
Not having a ton of luck on dating apps because my bio says “ISO non-gross person of any gender who likes having sex with me and tells me what to do with my life and the things they tell me to do are things I like and when I do the things my life gets better Go Pack Go.”
When life doesn’t give you tomatoes, make a bacon lettuce and honeydew sandwich
Just doodled this at work but I lowkey kinda like it
Nobody ever mentions when a movie is preapocalyptic
Just did a quick-apply using my resume on file. Throwing my hat in the ring to be new supreme leader over in Iran
🙏 Now I lay me down to bed, Mandela Machine upon my head. Since this world seems almost done, I’m gonna try to wake up in another one.
