Man these little ass kids is illiterate

Instagram racists are swinging at air right now. Trump sucks, everything he touches turns to shit, we’re losing the war in Iran and everything is expensive. All because we voted to give their ideas a chance. Now they’ve reverted to hating on Islam because they got nothing. Rot in piss losers ✌️

For sale Baby shoes And weed

When I was in a band we paid $100 to get some photos done and my grandma was like “$100??? They do photos at Walmart for $25” I told her that they were for the band and she was like “you guys could hold your instruments” anyways looking back she was 100% right those would have been way better

I love when I hear a joke that references several niche topics from a subculture I know nothing about but you can sense that if you knew what any of that meant that it would be a total banger

had a dream last night that ended with me turning on a car radio and there this AI sounding female voice singing over kind of bland music you’d hear in an educational video and she said “America is a legislative Pokémon democracy” like my shit was just pulling words from the ether lol

You can tell how out of touch a conservative is if they still harp about the Left wanting to take their guns like buddy I don’t know what media you’ve been following but I don’t think anyone has been anti-gun for about 5 years now. Gay, trans, communist, vegan etc. everybody is strapping the fuck up

Pull up to the function straight vibing like I’m Mitch McConnell

I remember joking around and riffing with the boys in like 4th/5th grade and we were really exploring the idea of a fart propelling someone or like someone farting and perhaps even using that fart as a mode of transport or maybe even a weapon. That was rich territory that yielded a lot of big laughs

My cousin started rollerblading as a hobby and it’s ruining his marriage

White dudes in Connecticut got the following fashion options: Sports Mass shooter School shooter Private school shooter Middle Management Family Annihilator (Rich) Family Annihilator (Cosplaying rich) 2009 chic

@peezytx.bsky.social and i have invented a new show called "I Thought You Said You Could Dance" (like "So You Think You Can Dance"). You nominate people you know who make outrageous claims about themselves ("I can dunk" etc) to the show and then the show ambushes them and makes them prove it

I don’t know why I’m so tired I smoked all that sativa 🤔

Calling an Irish dude who’s not around Potata Non Gratin

The Dallas Cowboys stopped winning playoff games the same year I started jacking off

For reasons I really can’t get into publicly I’ll tell you this: being cool is a superpower

I love when Facebook is like “hey some dude you don’t really fuck with done sent you like 8 reels on messenger”

Weed so good I randomly just got sad thinking about how the FBI did Richard Jewell

Working overtime on a Saturday and come quitting the older Mexican journeyman looks at me and says “Come on my friend, let’s go see the modelos!”

“Bro thought he cooked lmao” he typed as his lip began to quiver and eyes filled with tears

Bro, a new hardcore history and a new fall of civilizations on the same day?? What??

Some of the little dorks on My jobsite are actually mad that girls are posting ass pics to the gram like…I don’t understand what’s happening anymore

Hey just who in the hell does this guy think he is? Former city council member Fred Peña??

*husband of the departed delivering the eulogy* When Julia got the diagnosis she looked at me and said “I’m gonna beat this”….and it’s kinda weird that she lied to me but whatever I guess

My new photography business “Low Key Ugly In The Face” is doing great. We do photo shoots but we’ll put a lamp or some shit in front of your face and you can share it on dating sites and be like “yeah they fucked up and got me when I walked behind the lamp”

These little Hitler apologists are weird as shit bro

These new little racist ass right wing kids will legit tell you that 9/11 was actually a hologram projected into the sky by mossad agents and you’ll be like “okay, and maybe the US government also worked to actively oppress black and brown communities” and they’ll be like “LMAO good goy 🐶 🇮🇱”

I often think about all the rappers I liked from the 2000’s who didn’t have long profitable careers and I legitimately hope they’re doing okay

Stopped by the trap house they was watching Westies