Maybe the American South wouldn’t be perpetually impoverished if they would learn how to take turns and zipper merge Imagine the economic efficiency improvements
Pup Espy 🔜 MIR, Darklands, 🛌
@espy.dog
Official train aficionado, EV enjoyer, and professional map looker, technically I know about water (questionable) Big fan of jury nullification. Delta Air Lines is my findom.
I long to be fed all my pills in a piece of cheese like a dog Or a muffin
I unironically just ate a fortune cookie with the fortune inside on accident
After watching many many body cam videos in the background while I do other things, I’ve determined that everyone in La Crosse, Wisconsin has been to jail multiple times
Casual reminder that our parents are starting to get up there in age My mom tried to give me Tylenol today that expired in *September 2016* Woman is trying to have the next Tylenol murders
“Well if that’s all you need I guess I’ll see you later. Have fun being a lunatic.” -my pcp in the most loving way possible
Just a heads up if I’m your uber driver and you leave cigarettes in my car I’m giving them to the homeless man on the next corner
Every day I wake up hoping for an obituary on the front page of the New York Times and a reason to party all day long
Your honor, I can’t be held liable this contract is written in crayon!
THE LORD SMILES DOWN UPON US THE ASHLAND AVE BRIDGE OVER THE IKE IS OPEN AGAIN
Wait I accidentally had a bottle of wine instead of dinner again whoopsies
It’s really unfortunate that I’m awake and thinking about spicy McNuggets right now
I have been awake for nearly 24 hours. Here is what I accomplished: -Waste a few hours on the internet -Go to the smoke shop -Go to Jewel Osco (I forgot things still) -Talk on the phone for 3.5 hours with my friend -Cum 6 times -Make frozen rolls -No sleep
Me, buttering the frozen rolls I am making at 2am: “No no, everyone gets some butter. No child left behind or whatever the fuck”
Fall in Chicago cannot come fast enough I wanna dress CUTE with LAYERS and POCKETS. I want my CARDIGANS and SWEATERS and JEANS. I want men on the street to stop looking at my ASS
If any of you little gay bitches in my phone have post notifications on for me, I’m sorry
Have conservatives ever considered that we aren’t turning the children gay and they are choosing it because it’s more fun?
Why can’t I hit the vape while it’s charging please it’s an emergency
The voices are telling me to register to run for alderman
Using the magic wand for its intended purpose because the hoes got me stressing and my neck hurts