Tessera

War and Peas 🧿

@warandpeas.bsky.social

🌹 Comics by Elizabeth Pich & Jonathan Kunz 🌹 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/warandpeas All Links: https://warandpeas.start.page Shop: https://warandpeas.com/shop/

1715 Posts40064 Follower 268 Folgt

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 12h ago

He broke the system

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A doctor at her desk says, "Mr. Johnson, I have to talk to you. Please have a seat." Panel 2: Mr. Johnson crosses his arms. "Absolutely not. I know that trick." Panel 3: "If I sit down, you'll tell me I'm gonna hear the worst. So I prefer standing." Panel 4: The doctor thinks to herself, "Damn... this guy's good."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 2d ago

Praise the Lord!

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: An angel in heaven reports to God on the clouds. "Heavenly Father, the humans have started being intimate for fun." Panel 2: "They've also started screaming your name when they climax." Panel 3: God considers. "Hmm... Not gonna lie..." Panel 4: God admits, "It does turn me on a bit."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3d ago

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A man at a bar tells Slutty Witch, "You really need to find God." Panel 2: She looks irritated. "I do?" Panel 3: Slutty Witch walks through a dark forest at night, glowing eyes watching from the bushes. Panel 4: She sits on a log beside a massive pagan forest deity with antlers and a long beard who says, "I think you're doing great."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 4d ago

Decades of Linda

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A glowing blonde woman smiles radiantly. "Linda was beautiful." Panel 2: A long leg in a high heel stretches across the panel. "She had legs for days." Panel 3: An arm spans the frame. "Arms for weeks." Panel 4: Linda stands on a mountaintop like a goddess, arms spread against a sunset, with exaggerated proportions. "And breasts for years."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 5d ago

humans are chumps

8-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A man laughs at a mouse caught in a trap. "Haha, dumb mouse." Panel 2: The mouse, unfazed, next to a block of cheese. "Yes, I do love cheese." Panel 3: "I love cheese so much, I'm prepared to give everything for it." Panel 4: The mouse asks, "Have you ever loved anything that much?" Panel 5: The man stands alone against a dark sky, staring into the void. Panel 6: He sits on the floor, face in hands. "No..." Panel 7: He opens the trap, sobbing, and releases the mouse. Panel 8: The mouse relaxes in a cosy furnished mouse hole with bookshelves, eating cheese. "Haha, humans are chumps."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 7d ago

Are you a cute mouse who loves comics? Then this bag is for YOU!

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 2mo ago

We know you like the comics or you wouldn’t be here. We tackle life’s big questions: Why are we here? Where do we come from? And why do worms make us so horny?

Two-panel meme: Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars, hooded and drained, labeled "People who silently just read the comics for years" / "I'm too weak." Below, the same character crackling with blue lightning, shouting "Unlimited Power!" labeled "Patreon Supporters."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last wk.

Borgus needed this

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: Two green aliens on a spaceship. One comforts the other. "Come on. Cheer up, Borgus." Panel 2: Suggestions to lift his mood. "We could destroy a moon? ...or surf a black hole?" Panel 3: "Or we could party with our Earth friends." Both aliens perk up. Panel 4: A UFO beams up a mooing cow into a tractor beam. Through the window, the aliens are partying inside.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 2w ago

Ahoy!

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A pirate with a peg leg and hook hand tells his captain, "Captain, our rivals have been calling us names again!" Panel 2: "They said we were a bunch of handicaps!" Panel 3: The captain raises his fist. "That's ableism! And we don't tolerate that kind of talk here!" Panel 4: Wide shot of their pirate ship sailing at sunset, covered in rainbow sails, pride flags, trans flags, a peace symbol, and a disability accessibility flag alongside the Jolly Roger.

Humor Satire Memes @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 2w ago

toonholechris@toonholechris.bsky.social · 3w ago

Magic trick

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 2w ago

New COMIC SMACKDOWN just dropped! Patrons (EXTRAS level and higher) get to vote who wins in this epic battle of ideas ⚔️

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 2w ago

Walk Away

6-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A woman walks past a bush. A voice whispers, "Hey, Pssst." Panel 2: The bush asks, "What's your blood type?" Panel 3: She answers, "A positive. Why?" Panel 4: The bush recoils in disgust. "Bleurch! Just walk away." Panel 5: The woman crosses her arms. "I want to know why!" Panel 6: A vampire emerges from the bush, furious. "I said walk, you tasteless pig."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3w ago

Early comic just dropped! Patrons see new comics days before the public. www.patreon.com/warandpeas/p...

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3w ago

Black Thumb

Panel 1: The Grim Reaper stands at a man's door holding a potted seedling, "I hereby hand over your father's remains." Panel 2: the Reaper continues, "It was his final wish to be planted under this seedling, so that he will grow into a mighty tree," and hands the pot over. Panel 3: The man carries the little plant into his living room which is filled with brown, withered houseplants that clearly didn't make it. Panel 4: Sweating, he holds the seedling and thinks, "One last cruel joke, right, Dad

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3w ago

Be the King of the road with our Anti Cars Stickers. All on one big sticker sheet!

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3w ago

Reunited

Panel 1: Two dinosaurs gaze up at the sky as one says, "Look, Ronald! A shooting star!" while a fiery object streaks toward them. Panel 2: "Quick, make a wish!" the other urges as the blazing object grows closer. Panel 3: Gazing at each other, one dinosaur wishes, "I wish we could be together forever." Panel 4: A caption reads "150 million years later." In a modern home, a plastic laundry basket and a plastic water bottle recognize one another, "Barb, is that you?" "Ronald?" the two dinosaurs re

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3w ago

War and Peas turns 15 today! Exactly 15 years ago (almost to the hour) our little website blinked online, as a quiet corner of the internet where we could offload the ideas that needed a home.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 3w ago

Back to trombonin', Mike.

5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A man wearing a fedora watches TV. The screen says, "Hey, you at home!" Panel 2: The TV ad continues: "Are you being held captive by a group of raccoons and forced to play in their free-jazz band?" with a call-now number. Panel 3: The man picks up his phone and dials. Panel 4: A raccoon hand zips the TV off with a remote. Panel 5: The man sits surrounded by raccoons in a messy room. One hands him a bass. A raccoon says, "Back to trombonin' Mike." Mike gulps.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 4w ago

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A witch coos at her black cat, "Oh, Lord Nibbles! You cutie!" Panel 2: Kneeling by his castle-shaped litter box, she baby-talks, "You made a poo? A teeny stinky poo?" Panel 3: She scoops him up for a cuddle, gushing, "You cute little stinky sausage! I wuv you, Nibbles!" Panel 4: Later, alone at a laptop on a website called The Nibble, Nibbles types out a diary entry dated Sunday, February 20th: "And I found myself asking, why are humans so cringe?"

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 4w ago

You were put on this earth to shake what your mama gave you, but instead, you’re staring at a spreadsheet, wondering how many more years until retirement. We understand your pain and distilled it into this glittering, holographic sticker that’s tragic and iconic at the same time.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 4w ago

A friendship can be sincere and transactional at the same time. Ask a cat.

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A robot shoots laser beams from its eyes across a living room while a delighted black cat named Nibbles chases the red dots, laughing, "Ahahaha." Panel 2: The robot turns and asks earnestly, "Nibbles, be honest... Why do you really hang out with me?" Panel 3: The cat looks up sincerely and answers, "What do you mean? You're my friend and I love you very much." Panel 4: Then Nibbles goes right back to swatting at the laser and adds, "But let's keep those lasers coming."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

Good Mood

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A smiling man strolls into the office with a briefcase and calls out, "Morning, Barb!" Panel 2: A woman at her computer answers flatly, "Morning, Carl." Panel 3: She frowns and wonders to herself, "Why is he always in such a good mood?" Panel 4: The man walks off with a wide, blissful smile, thinking, "I hate it at home."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

Couples who haunt together, stay together.

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A ghost wakes with a startled "GASP" in bed and cries, "Honey, I had a dream you died!" Panel 2: The other ghost calmly replies, "Sweetie, we're already dead." Panel 3: Nuzzling their partner, they add, "We were murdered by that crazy axe killer, remember?" Panel 4: Reassured, the first ghost sighs, "Oh, right... what a relief," as the couple drifts back to sleep beneath a crescent moon.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

Putting art on your wall transforms those ordinary moments when you're just walking past into tiny moments of joy – like discovering a twenty in an old jacket, except it happens every single time you notice it.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

Another comic that made a content violation on Webtoon because of "rear nudity"

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 2mo ago

TURD NOW!

7-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A couple relaxes in a wooden hot tub when a "Plopp" rings out; the man asks the woman, "W-was that you?" Panel 2: She says, "What? No... someone must've..." as a small turd bobs in the water. Panel 3: Cut to a cheerful salesman in an infomercial: "Welcome to Turd in a Pool. Our service is simple," beside the number 1-800-TURD-IN-A-POOL. Panel 4: He explains, "We will discreetly place a turd in a pool." Panel 5: "Why, you ask? Why not?!" Panel 6: Pointing at the camera, he adds, "Don't ask how we do it. Just call our toll-free number and say Turd Now!" Panel 7: A branded Turd-in-a-Pool helicopter hovers over a house, lowering an operative on a cable to complete the job.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

4-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A cheerful ladybug picks on a young mantis in a cap and backpack named Timmy and gasps, "Oh my God, Timmy, look!" Panel 2: In the grass lies a headleass praying mantis mate, who did not survive the night. Panel 3: The ladybug grins and says, "Looks like someone got lucky last night." Panel 4: Timmy forces a nervous, sweating smile and laughs, "Yeah... hahahaha..."

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

We all know the internet's algorithm overlords have decided they get to curate your digital life. Our newsletter is different. It's the antidote to algorithmic paternalism. Every week, at least one new funny strip appears in your inbox like a tiny comic relief to your everyday stress.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · last mo.

5-panel comic by War and Peas. Panel 1: A witch carries her worn-out broom into "Ye Ol' Broom Shoppe," where a green, fanged witch clerk remarks, "That thing's got a lotta mileage." Panel 2: The witch explains, "Yeah, my girlfriend and I went to Transylvania to meet her folks." Panel 3: The clerk grins, "Oh, got yourself a vampire girlie, huh?" Panel 4: The witch asks, "You think we could put a padded seat in the back or something?" Panel 5: The witch flies through the clouds on her broom, which now has a cozy padded canopy seat on the back where her vampire girlfriend lounges comfortably, reading.

War and Peas 🧿@warandpeas.bsky.social · 5mo ago

4-panel comic by War and Peas Panel 1: A woman with black hair in a bun, wearing a black dress, stands against a red background, gesturing as she speaks. She says, "Ok, girls. You really need to show our guests more affection." Panel 2: She continues, "Sit on their lap, let them touch you a bit." Panel 3: She says, "Rub against their leg. You know the drill." Panel 4: The reveal: the woman is inside a cat café. Several cats of different colours sit on chairs and tables around the room. A "CAT CAFE" sign is visible reversed on the window. One black cat (Lord Nibbles) says, "I quit."