Business idea: savlon which tastes repulsive to dogs. Posted whilst trying in vain to stop the dog licking a cut on his foot.
Matt
@mattukernow.bsky.social
Arboriculturist in Cornwall. Mostly here for #TheArchers. You've been warned.
If Amber names the brat Bear I'll report her to the NSPCC myself. #TheArchers
I don't understand Lynda's business plan. She expects someone else to pay to set up the whole business and they take all the profits? Why would anyone agree to that? #TheArchers
I genuinely don't understand what all the fuse is about with Manchester City. Surely massive financial corruption is the whole point of top tier football? Like, I thought we put all the worst people in the world in charge of football deliberately so they weren't responsible for anything important?
I'm happy to be remembered as a cantankerous old man. #TheArchers
Amber: I think we should call him Baby: Sponsored By Apple. #TheArchers
Just went into a petrol station where one Boost cost £1.85 and a pack of four Boosts cost £1.75. Our society is broken.
Yep, your life is over now, Amber. Better get used to it. #TheArchers
We're going for a postnatal depression storyline, then. #TheArchers
"I'm seeing a friend later." "Anyone I know?" "Fuck off, Susan." #TheArchers
We're on to you, @checkyoursheds.bsky.social.
fesshole 🧻@fesshole.bsky.social · 3d agoMy girlfriend has started to notice that I'm on my phone in the middle of the night and I'm taking it into the bath with me. She probably thinks im having an affair but in reality I'm trying to hide all the expensive warhammer 40k stuff I'm buying for my new Ork army.
I don't really have any opinion on people bringing drinks to interviews, but if someone turned up with a cape and entrance music I'd hire them on the spot.
Kate is unsettled by rutting males displaying their testosterone? You'd think growing up with Brian would have prepared her. #TheArchers
Jazzer: For christ sake, you've done one lesson now, WHY CAN'T YOU DRIVE! #TheArchers
Anna: ...and I lured Alan up. I plan to burn him in the wicker man. #TheArchers
"I've worked really hard all my life." I must have missed that episode, Eddie. #TheArchers
You join me this afternoon as I attempt to catch our tortoise so I can weigh him. He's surprisingly nippy and determined not to be caught.
My wife has gone away for the weekend and has stolen all the rizzlas, if anyone knows a good divorce lawyer.
Don't make poor Brad stand around in the hospital for the next nine hours! #TheArchers
The only acceptable response to "Are you filming this?" is NO OF COURSE NOT, YOU IDIOT #TheArchers