Sanmi~🎃💤 (Team Tragedy)

@sanmisui.bsky.social

Sanmi / Nao | 26 | any/all | GER/ENG | 🏳️‍🌈💕🏳️‍⚧️ | Digital Artist | YGO Zexal Enthusiast | Arc-V 💜 | no minors 🔞| Cömms: closed ❌ https://ko-fi.com/sanmisui/shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/Sanmisui/explore?asc=u https://www.instagram.com/sanmisui/

Tomorrow it’s my lil sister’s birthday. But she hates being alive and actively tried to end herself a couple of times throughout the years… so I can’t really congratulate her… Mom, dad, and granny all wanna “celebrate” somehow… but that is very insensitive… Overall, the situation is kinda awkward.

Mom was actually looking at flats on her phone today. But they are smaller than our current place and more expensive… some new buildings were like… insanely expensive to rent. Why build entirely new apartment complexes that nobody can afford to move into?

When will drawing be fun again? Rn it just feels like I’m trying to get through a checklist… Obviously, I only draw characters that I actually wanna draw… but even tho I want to do it, I just can’t. It’s draining. Even getting praised for a finished thing feels shallow… cuz I ain’t proud of it…

Remember how I was panicking over needing to pay back money to the Jobcenter? Yeah… my dad paid them back. No idea with what money, but okay sure. Problem solved. Now all that’s left is guilt from feeling incompetent. I’m 26, I should take care of my bills myself… but I’m stupid.

Dad brought me instant coffee,,, we are gonna drink it (once it’s a reasonable temperature) and then I will wash my face n brush my teeth and then I am going to work on revenges!!! I should start with the oldest n work my way to the newest attack… but also I really wanna draw another old man…

Dude I got like,,, so many attacks on Artfight,,, that I want to revenge and also I picked out some random guys to scribble over the month,,, but I don’t know where to even begin,,,,, cuz I wanna draw everything at once. But also it’s 6 am and I’m still tired and I need to make money,,,

The day is almost over and I have accomplished nothing. At all. (I don’t start new activities past 6pm, cuz that’s when the bunnies stop napping. So to me, the day is over.) And I still gotta clean the dishes. And shower. Got the whole day off and I just be lying here, overwhelmed with everything.

Was labern die von wegen Unannehmlichkeiten?? Die hatten am Telefon gesagt, dass die das in Raten abbuchen,,, und es voll okay gehen würde,,,, aber scheinbar haben die es doch nicht gemacht? Scheiß Inkasso unternehmen. Ich bin davon ausgegangen es wäre geregelt. Kotzen im Strahl.