The coffee shop I’m in is playing the main theme from Schindler’s List.
I get that I’m “The ZIM guy” but this is always the kind of stuff that inspires me. In fact certain movies, this, Don’t Look Up, Beau is Afraid, they always make me think of the kind of worlds I obsess over, for how grotesque and how possessed of a desire to say something, even something hideous.
Is there a dating app-style thing but for finding people who can watch movies with you and don’t fall asleep halfway through?
Asked a friend to join in a game of BIG WALK and realized shortly after that I had actually typed out BIG WANK. They still haven’t responded but that answer is gonna open up some interesting possibilities.
Been back in the Bay Area for a temporary bit and with everyone I used to know here being gone or replaced with sleepers it’s like being in a liminal space waiting room.
So that little dog-lady I saw yesterderday, the one I walked around and found her owners, I saw her out on the street again today. I think she's running some kind of shady scam but I can't tell what her angle is yet. You're fucking with the wrong person who walks around, shady dog. Fool me once...
Saw this tiny lady wandering around while out on a walk and didn’t see any other human around. She refused to tell me where she lived so I knocked on doors until someone finally said yes that was indeed their dog. This good deed frees me up to do something hideous now. That’s how balance works.
It’s that time of year again when I can offload all these human teeth into trick or treaters’ bags without looking suspicious or maybe it’s suspicious but I don’t care whatever.
The only thing keeping me anchored to this dimension anymore is the soundtrack for the new Resident Evil movie.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes yesterday. Please know that I have all my birthday wishes rerouted to the disaster department where each wish results in something just awful happening to the well-wishers. The warnings were clearly posted in the sub basement beneath cafeteria 12.
This is how you know you’ve made it. Spotted by a friend during a moment of contemplation.
The lady next to me on the plane slept through some of the worst turbulence I’ve ever known and I wanted to shake her awake so she could scream along with everyone else. Read the room, woman!
When I was growing up PCP was always the drug people brought up if you locked yourself out of your car and needed to punch through your windshield using only your fist bones.
On a plane right now and the pilot has been on the speaker for a weirdly long time waxing wistful about how he wanted to be an astronaut and sometimes he thinks of taking the plane up as high as it’ll go maybe even into outer space. The quality is real bad but I think he’s crying.
Hi! This weekend August 14 - 16th I’m going to be at Fan Expo Chicago which is actually in Rosemont! I’ll be signing at table P38 which is actually in the comic area, not the weirdo actor area! Come see me with @jhnenvee and @trueheart0! Also here’s a picture of my cat with a squirrel on his head!
Does anyone remember the frozen snack chilis for kids from the 90’s? They were like Capri Suns but you put them in the microwave and then popped a big straw through the bag to suck the chili out of?
I’ve had these little Super Zimtendos on my iPad for a few months and only remembered they existed today while throwing one of my trademark fits. INVADER ZIM QUEST was the worst selling game on the Super Zimtendo Entertainment System… #invaderzim #pixelart
This convention is right by Disneyland and around this time of night you hear the booms of them executing the poorly performing ‘cast members’.
This convention I’m doing is making us all sad. They have me signing out of a garbage bin in a squalid corner and there’s a huge line for free pudding samples that cuts across this entire corner so nobody can even see that we exist. People throw their empty pudding containers in my garbage bin.
People are always asking me where I’ve been and what I’m up to these days and it’s frustrating because I can’t answer those questions without giving away that I’ve been in their house the whole time, watching them. Watching them do everything…
I’m honestly shocked at how useless most people are in emergency situations. I don’t think I know ANYONE that knows how to make their own Funyuns.
It’s nice being appreciated for my accomplishments in the fields of entertainment and science but just once I’d like to be wanted solely for my decimated, revolting body.
YOU’VE WALKED INTO THE WRONG PANERA BREAD is what I’d say to someone who walked into a Panera Bread where I was about to stab them.