If your kid is bullying my kid, and my kid has tried to tell your kid to stop many times and your kid doesn’t, my kid has been instructed to punch your kid in the face 

I had no idea it would take the American people 10 years to realize Trump is full of shit. I thought it was pretty obvious immediately.

It’s crazy how a country with $40 trillion in debt is giving me a credit score. Read the room.

I guarantee that if Trump said “the first born of every family in America is to die,” the spineless Republican pieces garbage in his administration would support it. 100 percent 

Hey Republicans, grow a f*cking spine and finally oust this piece of sh*t monster!!

I take my popcorn, blend it up, put some extra butter in there and drink it

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

I saw a snowman with a six pack. It was an abdominal snowman.

If you still like Trump, you’re either horribly misinformed or you belong in jail 

If you voted for Trump three times, then you should be in jail

If you drive really fast on the freeway, you’re obviously incredibly cool

If you think you’re getting a tariff refund check, you’re d*mber than I thought

Sounds crazy I know

If you voted for Trump three times, then you should be in jail

Haven’t lost my virginity yet because I never lose!

If your cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud?