Tyler J. Hutchison 🔜 GDC

@awfultyler.bsky.social

Narrative Director at Heart Machine Games Writer - Possessor(s), Solar Ash Director - Dream Daddy Sometimes hanging out at Glitch City L.A. I used to make comics…

When will the market correct itself and cause all of the businesses selling poopy lettuce to go bankrupt or enforce stricter standards?? It feels like they are just able to ignore accountability... Can someone who is good at markets please explain this to me?

Does anyone else think it's kinda messed up that when contestants get a negative score before going into final Jeopardy they have to pay Ken Jennings directly? They always make them do it during the commercial break. I personally think they should just let the contestant leave without paying.

If you are older than the average life expectancy in your state you should no longer be allowed to serve in the Senate or Congress. Same for any federal position - if you are older than the average life expectancy for the U.S. you should not be making decisions about the future.

Watching Joker Folie a Deux for the first time... this movie suffers from the same problems as the first one Todd Phillips is a coward and commits to nothing. Why are all of these musical numbers so boring? No Fosse? Why even cast Lady Gaga if you are just going to make her sing/speak?

Hypothetically: If a patient is denied life saving medical treatment for an illness that is covered but due to actions implemented by a Health Insurance CEO they are denied access to said coverage. Could the patient shoot the CEO and legally claim self defense?

"The problem with Bluesky: It won’t broaden our horizons" Why in the hell would I visit a micro blogging social network to broaden my horizons?! I want to learn more about the human condition but only 280 characters at a time with all nuance removed.

The people at Intuit actually LOVED this commercial I wrote, but my ad agency manager lied and said we lost the script because he hated it! Anyway, here is another rejected commercial. This was supposed to run during the Superbowl last year :(

NAGGED BY TURBO TAX FOR BIG SAVINGS  
by Tyler J. Hutchison

INT. HOME OFFICE

ETHAN sits at a desk, plops a manila folder filled with papers onto it, and begins noisily typing on his laptop.

ETHAN
Okay, Turbo Tax. Let's just get this done and move on.

Ethan clicks a few more times and hums to himself as he reads/answers question aloud.

ETHAN
Name? ... Ethan.
(clickity clack)
Address? ... Los Angeles, California.
(clickity clack)
Social Security...

ETHAN
Martial Status?
(beat)
Single.

A glockenspiel chimes. TURBO TAX AUTOMATED TAX EXPERT enters. They are dressed in rehearsal blacks and carrying a a tiny glockenspiel. 

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
It's me, the Turbo Tax Automated Tax Expert. Would you like to learn more ways to increase your federal refund?

ETHAN
Oh, sure, why not?
(click. click.)

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
I've noticed that you filed: *Single* for marital status. 
(beat)
Did you know that filing status: *Married (jointly)* provides the highest savings in your federal return.

ETHAN
Haha, whoah, okay Turbo Tax. Slow down!Ethan continues typing and clicking away at his computer. Ethan shuffles through his manila folder and pulls out his W-2. He continues to noisily type as he reads questions aloud.

ETHAN
Let's see here. W-2... Employee I.D. Number... Company Name... Warner Brothers...

ETHAN
Wages?... Fifty-eight thousand...

Turbo Tax A.T.E. rings the glockenspiel.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
I've found some more ways to increase your federal refund. Would you like to learn more?

Ethan clicks forward.

ETHAN
Sure.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Your wages fall on the lower end of the median household income in your area.
(beat)
Have you considered applying for a  better job? High Income men are 27%  more likely to be married. Per my last suggestion filing Married (jointly) provides greater returns than filing Single (alone).

ETHAN
Hey, what the hell? Turbo Tax, that's really uncalled for.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Would you like to learn more?

ETHAN
No! I just want to finish my return.

Ethan continues to click and type in silence. After a beat Turbo Tax A.T.E. rings the glockenspiel.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Would you like me to search through your Quickbook receipts for possible deductions?Ethan stares menacingly at the computer. Before Ethan can answer Turbo Tax A.T.E., with a big innocuous smile, rings the glockenspiel again.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Would you like me to search your purchases for deductions?

ETHAN (INTERRUPTING)
Yes. Fine.

Turbo Tax A.T.E.'s eyes flutter and scan left to right as they pantomime searching a database Minority Report style.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
In 2023, you bought nine anime dolls for a cost $76.29 per doll. Our team of tax experts think that’s why you’re filing Single (alone).

ETHAN
Nope! I'm done. Skipping deductions. This is good enough! SUBMIT! DONE! I don't care.

Ethan begins typing and clicking and rapidly filling out his form. Turbo Tax A.T.E. rings the glockenspiel.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Congratulations! Your federal refund has been e-filed.

ETHAN
Phew! I'm glad that's over.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Let's get started on your California state tax return.
(beat)
Are you still single?

ETHAN
What? Aww crap! Fine!

Ethan hurriedly types away at his keyboard and shuffles through his papers. Just then the glockenspiel chimes.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Filing in California? I've found some ways to increase your state refund. Would like to learn more?

ETHAN
*No!*TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Too bad. 

ETHAN
What?!

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Did you know you could save big by moving back home near mom and dad?

ETHAN
No! I'm not moving back to Ohio for taxes.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
We at TurboTax want you to know Cynthia Holliman moved back to be closer to her parents.

ETHAN
What?! I don't even know who that is.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
She's single and could really help maximize your refund.

ETHAN
No! No! I don't even know what this person looks like.

TURBO TAX A.T.E.
Check the back of your manila folder.

Ethan is shocked at hearing this. He flips through his tax documents in his manila folder and finds a head shot of Cynthia Holliman. He is stunned. The glockenspiel chimes.

TURBO TAX A.T.E. (HAUNTING)
Jointly.

A glockenspiel chimes from stage left. Another chimes from stage right. Two new Turbo Tax A.T.E.s enter stage.

TURBO CHORUS
Jointly.

Three more TURBOS enter. They all chime in unison.

TURBO CHORUS
Jointly

> BLACKOUT