IN! TWO! MONTHS! I’ll be recording my very first standup comedy album LIVE at the #NewarkCultureClub in NJ, hosted by @jimsearch.bsky.social! Get yer tickets at NewarkCultureClub.Com and be a part of HISTORY!

“Listen bro, no one is more racist, sexist and transphobic than you. And you’re gonna show em. Have you ever done stand up? No. That doesn’t matter. You’re sick, bro. You yelled a racial slur out the window of your car that one time. You got this.”—someone in the mirror before Kill Tony tonight

I hope everyone who snuck in the Jay-Z concert got in because like a wiseman once said…You Can’t Knock The Hustle.

Oh look there I go being right again.

Lookin at the videos from the Knicks parade. There’s gonna be a A LOT of vacant jobs tomorrow.

Wu-Tang at halftime is an exorcist level of sage.

Big shoutout to everyone who ever yelled “SPORTS!” at a bar during a Knicks game and now are wearing a Knicks hat around town. You’re full of shit baaaabaaay!

I’ve gotten so much free stuff in NYC ever since telling everyone Jalen Brunson is my cousin. I’m not stopping either.

Jalen Brunson has a real “Fine, fuck it, I’ll take care of it myself.” type of energy that resonates with me.

Oh so you’re a Knicks fan? Name 5 times you’ve been arrested outside MSG after a game.

You either Narcan or Narcant.

I can tell y’all are using AI to write the captions in your posts. You went from using the wrong “there/their/they’re” to using hyphens. GTFOH

Liberals are like “It’s James Crow (he/him/his).”

Hey the “we can disagree and still be friends” crowd…how’s that idea holding up these days?

Happy holidays to everyone who was not the main subject of a documentary produced by 50 Cent.

I’m surprised Ja Rule didn’t catch a stray in that doc…not even a “fuck Ja” in the credits.

Given the way America has been behaving I don’t know if we deserve the World Series this year.

I don’t like to get too political on here but I’m here to say that Western Beef Supermarkets will stomp the shit out of any other grocery store.

I’m going to miss Eric Adams because he was the first mayor to have a Cricket prepaid wireless phone.

I can’t believe a person who has lied the vast majority of their life is *checks notes* lying again?

My favorite thing about Pride is that people in my hometown think this is what NYC is like everyday.

True Crime Podcasts be like “I have a great job, live in a nice town with a loving family…welp might as well kill them in a poorly thought out murder-for-hire scheme and tell the police I didn’t do it because I was at a bowling alley.”

There are two types of people in this world. Those who bring their love of everything to Mount Airy Lodge and those who do not... which one are you?

May today be filled with the energy of a thousand gold fronts purchased at the Albee Square Mall.

I got a question for any barbers on my line. DM me post haste

I don’t know if a 100 men can beat a gorilla…but I do know a 100 men cannot beat Western Beef Supermarkets prices.

You is just Sex and The City for Incels.

I feel like Kendrick fell short when he made NO mention of Western Beef’s sale on salmon this week.

Apple News Update is wild because it’s like “Trump announced he will drink blood from the skull of Nancy Pelosi and Dyson has a vacuum cleaner you can’t live without!”

“Buck These Niggas.”— The story of Leroy Johnston, the first Black bill rider.