Nigel Spink will be arriving 10 minutes into the funeral
"I am damned if I am going to stand on a stage and be demeaned and humiliated by nobodies."
Commissioning editor: "We've made loads of programmes about the 1976 heatwave, have you got any other ideas?"
Sky News bloke: "The last winning by-election candidate who did not attend his count was Bobby Sands, and he was in the Maze Prison."
Pleased to announce that, having just seen their new away kit, I now support Strasbourg
*pitches up with crumpled sheets of paper from 1991*
"I don't remember any of this fuss in 1976, we just got on with it."
"Don't worry if your A-level results aren't what you were hoping for. I got a B and a C, and here I am, 59 years later, king of the United Kingdom and 14 other Commonwealth realms."
On the eve of Clarkson's annual bit of A-level results hilarity, let us all once again come together and raise a glass to these heroes #lufc
Fascinated by the suggestion from our campaigning right-wing press that this is in some way unfair or a bad idea
Decent workout for the players ✅ Impressive 'fuck off Matterface' numbers from me ✅ #lufc
"Make sure you mention his catchphrase fairly early in the story. But do it subtly."
Feel like I should keep out of the 'stay or go' Bornauw debate, given that - until Monday this week - I thought he was Swiss #lufc
A very happy birthday to my gran. She'll be up there now, looking in the evening paper to see who's died
