Savage Garden and Soundgarden should have swapped names

Mariah carey if she was Lebron: Draft my bronny i need him on the floor

Me now: Aaron Rodgers needs to retire. Most irritating despicable attention hog in football, I have hated him since day 1. Wrap it up old man Me in 20 years, yelling at my son for ranking gen alpha QB Viserys Johnson top 5 all time: You have NO FUCKING IDEA how good AARON RODGERS was!!

Kevin O’Connell: Kyler, JJ completed 6 of 20 passes yesterday. Justin is showing up to practice in a V for Vendetta mask. We NEED you on that field. When will you be ready? Kyler murray (prestige 4 in a CoD game that came out 6 days ago): Sorry coach I got uhhhh ACL lamination

Walking into Couples therapy with the words GILES COREY tattooed on my forehead

I love when you lose 4 deadlock games in a row as the same hero and the game chucks you a lobby full of complete morons like “here, damn.”

(Screenshot of my kindergarten teacher) Least picture book-obsessed faculty member at Calvin Coolidge Elementary!

Graham dead mcconnell on deaths door? Hehehe comes in 3s baby who’s next (Jurassic park guy dies) oh.

Senatorial staffers playing cocomelon to pacify an enraged john fetterman after explaining that his eulogy for Lindsey graham cant be written in crayon

Unironically the way i found out was I got a scam dm from the hacked twitter account of “Kim possible facts” and when I went to delete and report it the first thing I saw was fetterman memorializing him

Arrrr im conor mcgregor the peg leg rapist. I gotta one leg from a time i missed kickin’ a lad off the plank and me leg came clean off. Arrrr i got a wooden leg but my normal penis works regular.

I’m very new to soccer but I am intimately familiar with what it looks like when a northern team gets Hard Rock Stadium’d

Chuds turning on The Odyssey seems like a missed opportunity tbh. You could spin so much out of “audiences are desperate for the heroism of the ancient west” or some shit and you’re throwing that away over like 5 minutes of Lupita N’yongo

The kindergarten mind cannot comprehend this (attached image of a book with no pictures)

Led Zeppelin making songs about lord of the rings follow songs where robert plant is so horny he’s honking like a goose was very predictive about how good it feels to bust in someone and then play stupid fantasy games on the computer

Does anyone know how to ejaculate, sperms style?

There’s this truism about “never apologizing” that I think both the online left and right repeat a lot, because the people mad at you will never be satisfied or accept you or whatever, that always kinda bothered me. What if you were wrong?

(Not understanding what slang is) Idk if im too woke but i have been ripping lines for maybe 9 hours now I have’nt slept in maybe 25 hours my diners areshaking

19th century Ryan Grim: Based on the orderly nature of the stab wounds, “the ripper” is a highly inaccurate name. Its journalistic malpractice to not give “Jack” credit for minimizing suffering and killing painlessly 19th century Michael Tracey: I think these bitches alive 💯

One of the main reasons bottom surgery is so inaccessible is that I sign one of my boys up whenever they fall asleep first at the sleepover. Trans men also have to wait super long bc the lists are clogged with my boys trying to get their penises back

Michigan Senate Debate: AES: Under my watch, we will enact tax breaks for any person under 25 who calls their grandparents once a month. Please, old people, I’m not scary. Haley Stevens (talking like a chipmunks cover of herself): Not releasing your tax returns is a “no way jose” from me Chief!

FIFA cuts to VAR review and its just slow motion footage of you struggling to get the top off a jar of Lao Gon Ma chili crisp

People are so critical of the founding fathers, like inventing hot dogs was something so easy that anyone could have done

For how much “This isnt what the founding fathers would have wanted” gets thrown around, I think pretending one of your senators didn’t just die and hoping no one notices is something they probably would have done. Feels very jefferson v adams.

I cant prove it but i really do feel like this was directly inspired by Invoker’s meteor

USER WAS BLOCKED FOR THIS POST@blockedforthispost.bsky.social · last mo.

I can't take this anymore! *raises hand to snap fingers that activates sKill 3 which drops a meteor on your dumb ass that lands one stun and two burn debuffs that does devastating damage on your next turn, killing you violently on your turn*

I can't take this anymore! *raises hand to snap fingers that activates sKill 3 which drops a meteor on your dumb ass that lands one stun and two burn debuffs that does devastating damage on your next turn, killing you violently on your turn*

Jayson Tatum: Deuce I’m sorry… uncle Jaylen got traded Deuce Tatum: Hmph. Unsurprising. He was a fool performing the charade of an intellectual. A man of true wisdom would known the impact his online antics would have on a locker room. FATHER!🫰 I demand ice cream! Butter Pecan