GAZOO: ok i got you your pitza JIM: good. i'm about to do Heroes' Quest GAZOO: don't know that content JIM: you need 53 cooking, 53 fishing, 25 herblore, 50 mining, and to complete shield of arrav, lost city, merlin's crystal, and dragon slayer I GAZOO: i'm not familiar with runescape at all JIM: oh

STANLEY: i made creme brulee KEVIN: fire it up, haha STANLEY: hm? KEVIN: starcraft STANLEY: oh the firebat terran units? KEVIN: yeah STANLEY: thats pretty funny KEVIN: thank you ANGELA: you do a great impression kevin KEVIN: thank you OSCAR: sounded just like him KEVIN: thanks

JIM: can you do me a favor? GAZOO: like a wish? JIM: regular favor task GAZOO: what do you want? JIM: i need pizza from senapes GAZOO: the hazleton PA specialty square slices? JIM: used to feed children working in the mines GAZOO: i think thats an urban legend JIM: rural legend GAZOO: shut up jim

PAM: toby tricked me into marriage GEORGE JETSON: yes PAM: but all i care about is marrying you GEORGE J: that is what matters PAM: its fine as long as we can be together JETSON: yes PAM: and i'm making toby sleep in a crate in the garage JETSON: good idea

MICHAEL: george jetson is #1 salesman PAM: soon he will be #1 husband MICHAEL: you are marrying him soon PAM: that's right DWIGHT: are you excited? PAM: yes very DWIGHT: i was asking george ANDY: he has headphones on DWIGHT: george DWIGHT: are you excited to marry pam? JETSON: hm? yes thank you

JIM: hello runescape my old friend i've come to quest in great kourend ironman this time not failing i'm so glad they added Sailing and i'll idle combat skills at gemstone crab i am not sad this is my favorite timesink GAZOO: jim? JIM: gazoo? you're real?

JIM: quests on runescape are better than most mmos JIM: if only i had people to play with DWIGHT: dunder office this is dwight JIM: dwig you wanna play OSRS? DWIGHT: no JIM: theres a phone client DWIGHT: i said no jim JIM: its click-based DWIGHT: i'm hanging up now PAM: who was that? DWIGHT: no one

KEVIN: is john devil coming back? MICHAEL: i doubt it ANGELA: these healthy snacks are good MICHAEL: you humiliated that poor man CREED: we were just asking questions ANGELA: i enjoy the dried figs TOBY: i like these almonds KEVIN: we didn't ask many questions MICHAEL: well it still embarrassed him

MICHAEL: we have an officr visitor JOHN DEVIL: hello MICHAEL: john devil is a sort of catbert type guy OSCAR: but not a cat MICHAEL: not a cat yes. a regular man JOHN: i'm here to talk to you about nutrition ANDY: we're getting too much of it? JOHN: no DWIGHT: we need less of it? JOHN: no!

TOBY: what is that? MEREDITH: this is cruncher, my new pet GEORGE: he's a teacup maltese TOBY: what type of creature is it? MEREDITH: a dog... TOBY: not familiar DWIGHT: you don't know what a dog is? TOBY: no i overheard the earlier conversation and thought it would be funny DWIGHT: you got us good

KEVIN: i explained to george jetson what a dog is MICHAEL: thank you GEORGE: i didn't understand dog before ANDY: you know them now though GEORGE: yes KEVIN: i had him memorize every breed MICHAEL: good idea ANDY: it comes in handy with sales GEORGE: i hope it does ANDY: it will GEORGE: okay

MEREDITH: here he is! ANGELA: so cute GEORGE: what is that? MEREDITH: a teacup maltese my new pet GEORGE: what type of creature is it? MEREDITH: a dog GEORGE: not familiar DWIGHT: you don't know what a dog is? GEORGE: nope DWIGHT: doesn't your family have a dog Astro? GEORGE: can't recall

PAM: i sense a great disturbance STANLEY: i feel it too ANDY: what is it? STANLEY: a mental health crisis MICHAEL: is it about someone we care about? PAM: no STANLEY: no PAM: definitely not — meanwhile at his home — JIM: i think i'm going insane JIM: i need to install runescape

DWIGHT: did you say something? ANDY: me? DWIGHT: you, george jetson, anyone ANDY: nope GEORGE: no DWIGHT: it's too quiet ANDY: i've actually been really productive today. i don't miss jim or his distracting behavior DWIGHT: me too JETSON: dunder mifflin this is george ANDY: oh he's on a call. shh

JIM: applying for unemployment was pretty easy JIM: i'm kinda surprised, i figured it'd be a chore JIM: losing my job... i guess i'm okay with it JIM: honestly it hasn't affected me much JIM: except i have no one to talk to

YENDOR: you guys alright upstairs? TONY: with the layoffs? its fucked YENDOR: your rep say anything about it? TONY: we aren't union YENDOR: no shit. that's fucked TONY: that's what i'm saying WAREHOUSE CARL: you gotta fix that WAREHOUSE BOB: we love our union TONY: michael will use scare tactics

TONY: its so sad about jim but at least he'll get a hefty severance DWIGHT: not true. he didnt qualify TONY: how the hell does that work? DWIGHT: didn't hit sales targets PAM: thats awful DWIGHT: you hated jim PAM: yes i hate him but he still should have hit those targets TONY: are you two serious?

JIM: so thats it i'm fucking fired? MICHAEL: don't curse at me jim JIM: why not? you'll fire me? MICHAEL: it wouldn't look good on your record JIM: fuck you and fuck the record MICHAEL: it wasn't personal jim. costs are increasing and you were one of my least favorite employees JIM: fuck off

MICHAEL: i am announcing layoffs PAM: i hope our little family isn't affected MICHAEL: rodney, craig, bogie, lloyd, gilbert, veronica, shelley, both dakotas, doctor thursday, pete, mildred, monica, tim, ANDY: so many friends gone JIM: i thought he said jim for a second there MICHAEL: and jim halpert

so this sounds insane, toby was framed, today we had to do it michael's way seemed like good fun, not fired for real and email todd packer i failed we lied about him having weed i bet you now are gonna frame me he wants me gone gone gone gone like toby now wouldnt you, office merger

CREED: i don't like that lisa simpson plays sax so much that she's kicked out of school in the opening credits. she likes school and following the rules, it doesn't make sense to me that she would do this. its out of character ROY: yeah thats true

OSCAR: we're going to gunter's for lunch MICHAEL: count me in, i love lunch outings ANDY: they serve skate MICHAEL: like a carhop? ANDY: the fish. its the only menu item MICHAEL: so what? ANDY: so cartilaginous fish can trigger latex allergies MICHAEL: ah yes my latex allergy OSCAR: sorry michael

RYAN: ouch!! TOBY: what happened? RYAN: i felt an injury TOBY: workplace injury? RYAN: no KELLY: does it hurt? RYAN: a little

TOBY: i'm on the dating site okcupid PHYLLIS: thats fun, you're going on dates? TOBY: no i just like the quizzes PHYLLIS: cool TOBY: any more on this topic? PHYLLIS: not that i can think of. have fun TOBY: you too

MICHAEL: bad news, gang MICHAEL (CONT'D): chooch isn't coming JIM: yes! i won the bet DWIGHT: no one bet against you JIM: then i win by default MICHAEL: one other announcement MICHAEL (CONT'D): no more office bets

MICHAEL: hurt people hurt people OSCAR: hurt people hurt people PHYLLIS: hurt people hurt people RYAN: real eyes realize real lies OSCAR: don't interrupt our chant RYAN: i thought you were doing a pithy saying OSCAR: no we became possessed by a malevolent entity and we're chanting its instructions

MICHAEL: is he here yet? PAM: no MICHAEL: tell me when he is PAM: i will, michael JIM: want to place bets on if chooch is really coming at all? DWIGHT: no JIM: i was asking george JETSON: dunder mifflin this is george JIM: oh he's on a sales call DWIGHT: we shouldn't bother him JIM: agreed

TOBY: so when does chooch show up? MICHAEL: soon, probably. i don't know TOBY: i need to know for HR reasons MICHAEL: well i don't have that information toby. all i know is corporate said the pink cat choo-choo from top cat was going to be working here soon. thats as much as i know right now

MICHAEL: we have a new coworker today STANLEY: please tell me it isn't fred flintstone MICHAEL: who told you that? STANLEY: i just assumed it was another hanna-barbera character based on an earlier conversation and the fact that george jetson is one of my coworkers MICHAEL: great. well it isn't fred

CREED: ralph kramden TONY: what about him? CREED: thats who fred is based on TONY: fred flintstone is based on jackie gleason? CREED: as ralph kramden yes STANLEY: all the flintstones characters are based on the honeymooners CREED: i was getting to that ANDY: there isn't 100% parity though