Oh god just send a message to 2 old friends I've not spoken to in 2 years and my body is acting like we're flight or fight oh my gggooddd get a grip

Its depressing to think that only a few people would attend my funeral and it would only be close family members in my tiny family

Finally on my way home and i want to have a nap when I get in but I also feel so depressed

Feeling really really lonely

I've changed my wfh days next week 1.) To avoid said friends so I can create some distance and 2.) Maybe being in the office when i have the friend sketch thing means i will actually go this time if ive already travelled to the city

I was meant to go to a queer rave tonight but i am furthest away from being in a dancing mood

Also hey peeps I hope everyone is doing okay

Ive nearly finished my shift thankfully just 2 more hours to go

I ended up s/h at work and i only been at work for an hour and I've got blood on my trouser i really tried to not do it deep so it wouldn't bleed as long but I was in a tunnel vision state I don't know what to do

Instead of s/h I made this first time making a collage in years

Yeah i was having a bad day at work i had alot of thoughts about s/h and hating myself

Hey peeps 💕

I cant wait to go home and shred my thighs to pieces

I am going to be s/h tonight before I go to bed

Finally told my friend i don't have feeling for them and they got quite upset and i feel like this is proof I am horrible person

I did have the therapy assessment phone call and they want me to have social anxiety / self esteem forced CBT and i said to give me some time to think but I think I am going to go for it

Today has been emotionally draining day

Hey peeps 🖤

I ended up not s/h but I did end up crying but the night is still young

Fuck fuck fuck fuck I might need to s/h to calm down im having a full break down

I'm just going to be one of those people that just goes to work and watches TV sleeps wakes up go to work watch TV sleep and i'll never have any friends and no one will fall in love with me again

I'm alone all the fucking time and i have no energy after work to do things I don't know how people manage to do things after work or have the energy to message people regularly

I'm panicking cause what if im just going to be alone with no friends forever what if i never find somewhere to make friends and all i do is keep having conversations with people and it never turns into genuine friendship

I woke up from a nap missed the sketch meet up and now I'm panicking

Is anyone free right now? I really need advice and abit of a vent? 😔

I could lose 7kg before January thats not illogical I could do it if I stopped stuffing my face every 5 fucking seconds

The workout didnt help me feel better I started crying abit on the bike machine cause I have no friends and everyone hates me and im so fat

I burned 370ish cals in cardio so im gonna have a protien shake and a low cal snack so I don't end up binging / can hopefully sleep tonight

I managed to get my fat fucking whale body out of the house and into the gym and i did 40 mins of cardio im hoping to pump it up to an hour soon but my knee still hurt from the weekend and you know blood loss from last night