Him: Why are women so mysterious? It's like they thrive off of keeping secrets. Me: We're not. You just don't listen Him: I'll figure it out one day
OK well I asked about it, and it turns out she did NOT know about the community service/license thing
Yael@elle91.bsky.social · 2w agoSeems odd looking back that as a 17-year-old, my mom let me date a guy who was several years older, who I had to drive to community service because he got his license temporarily revoked. But to this day, he's the kindest, safest person I ever dated so maybe moms just know
Seems odd looking back that as a 17-year-old, my mom let me date a guy who was several years older, who I had to drive to community service because he got his license temporarily revoked. But to this day, he's the kindest, safest person I ever dated so maybe moms just know
Work serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept people's idiocy, the courage to answer insane questions sincerely, and the wisdom to know not respond to emails with "are you stupid"
Almost nobody actually read the books we were told to read in high school, but now, most of my friends and I are in book clubs voluntarily. The difference? Alcohol. Let high schoolers drink, but only in English class
🎶If you wanna be my mugger, You're gonna get 15 pens Pens don't last forever So I buy lots of pens🎶
Everyone has a friend who "doesn't have time" to watch TV but watches three hours of reels every single day
[Checking online] OK yes my insurance covers this doctor [Calling to make sure] OK yes my insurance covers this doctor [Gets a bill for $800] What the fuck Insurance: Oh! Yes we cover that doctor, but only Monday-Thursday and your appointment was on a Friday
Burnout was not nearly as common in prior generations. Is it because everything is getting less attainable while expectations get higher, forcing us to essentially kill ourselves for life we'll never have? Or was it because of the cocaine
Dating in my early 20s: I will only date someone who is taller than me, has a good career, would be a great dad, cooks for me- Dating in my mid 30s: I will only date someone who I'm at least 95% sure wouldn't murder me.
Netflix's algorithm: Because you watched this show, we think you'd enjoy watching this show again
Person: [Calls from an unknown number] Me: If it was important, they'd leave a message. Person: [Leaves message] Me: Yeah, lol I'm not listening to that.
What's your most traumatic childhood memory that'd only be traumatic to a kid? When I was 6 I got a sea monkey kit. I loved and doted over those eggs until they hatched. When I ran to show my dad, I dropped them all over the deck. I screamed like I was being murdered. Your turn
Rankings of jam from best to worst: 1. Space 2. Toast and 3. Oh hot damn this is my 4. Toe 5. Traffic
Hot new summer pickup move is asking strangers to check you for ticks.
I need a drug that feels the same as a dog running up to me with its tail wagging, and then having their human say "weird, he doesn't usually like people"
Me: Hi, may I please see the wine list? Waiter: Ma'am, it's 8 AM. Me: Oh, sorry. Good morning, may I please see the wine list?
Nobody told me that as soon as I had enough money to actually do things I wanted to do, I wouldn't have time. Haha just kidding, I still can't afford them but it's ok, I don't want to do them anymore because I'm also depressed
I'm opening a store that sells tail extensions for dogs who had theirs docked. A retail store.
Maybe the boomers are right, and all we need to do to live comfortably and afford property is stop spending money on frivolous things like *checks notes* food
I live in the greatest country in the world. I pay $450 a month for health insurance so I can pay $250 to go to a doctor who prescribes me a medication that I can't afford because it isn't covered by insurance.
Whenever you think you don't matter, remember that you could be the one to introduce your neurodivergent friend to the phrase they're going to repeat 28 times a day for the rest of their lives.
I need a second therapist to help me figure out if my first therapist is mad at me
Sorry, I can't stop by after work I'm already running late for being home from work.
"If it gives you a stomach ache, just stop eating it" you literally don't understand me at all
Having a job is really exhausting but at least I get to spend all the money I make on shit I don't want