Worm Leaves Scathing Yelp Review of RFK Jr.’s Brain

The worm’s review began on a discouraging note, claiming that Kennedy’s brain was “almost impossible to find.”

open.substack.com

Andy Beshear Demands to Know if Rand Paul is Brain-Dead

“I have viewed disturbing video taken last week in the US Senate in which Senator Paul appears to be brain-dead,” Beshear said.

open.substack.com

New Poll Reveals Trump Less Popular Than Explosive Diarrhea

Likely voters said that they would rather suffer two years of the gastrointestinal ailment than the remainder of Trump’s term.

open.substack.com

Who's Elise Stefanik Sucking up to Now?

She spent a decade strenuously sucking up to Donald Trump and came up empty. Now she’s sucking up to someone new. Will she have better luck this time?

open.substack.com

Pope Says Church Will Relax Stance on Birth Control When it Comes to JD Vance

The pontiff said that he had arrived at the decision after learning the “troubling news” that Vance had reproduced “yet again.”

open.substack.com

Hegseth Freaks Out After Testing Positive for Estrogen

According to those familiar with the test results, Hegseth’s estrogen count would place him in the 99th percentile of all women.

open.substack.com

Unconscious Mitch McConnell Scores Higher Approval Rating Than Conscious Version

Voters pointed to progress on guns, the environment, and a host of other issues that could have been achieved if only McConnell had not been sentient.

open.substack.com

Hegseth Says His Naturally High Testosterone Has Helped Him Apply Makeup

“In order to be Secretary of War, I have to be Secretary of Warpaint,” he told reporters. “And my warpaint is by Estée Lauder.”

open.substack.com

Canadian Prime Minister Tells Trump That Orange Air is a Tribute to Him

“We Canadians were thinking of something special we could give you for your birthday, and this is what we came up with,” Carney said.

open.substack.com

Susan Collins Concerned That Maine Voters Might Remember Things She Has Done

“I want voters to know that I’m concerned that they’re concerned," she said.

open.substack.com

Stinky

ALT: Stinky

static.klipy.com

Pam Bondi Upstages Todd Blanche Hearings by Releasing Naked Photos of Trump on Epstein’s Island

The photos, showing a nude Trump frolicking in the Caribbean enclave, are “not for the squeamish,” experts warned.

open.substack.com

Rewriting a song: What Chalk Outlines taught me about expression | BPS

Gareth Hall, a Lecturer in Psychology at Aberystwyth University, with a personal and professional story…

bps.org.uk

Mitch McConnell Trounces Trump on Cognitive Exam

Infuriated, Trump claimed that the cognitive test was "rigged."

open.substack.com

Nearly a Million Investors Lost a Total of $3.8 Billion on Trump Crypto Coin

nytimes.com

Trump Says His Funeral Will Draw Much Bigger Crowd Than Ayatollah’s

“My funeral will draw MILLIONS!” Trump boasted.

open.substack.com

Alleged Epstein victim and Trump accuser living in fear of retaliation, relative says

Trump administration faces an escalating controversy over handling of ‘Jane Doe 4’ documents in Epstein files. White House has called her allegations ‘completely baseless’

theguardian.com

Workmen Begin Putting E. Jean Carroll’s Name on Trump Tower

The name-change was mandated after Carroll rejected Trump’s attempt to pay the millions he owes her in Trumpcoin.

open.substack.com

Trump Boasts About Crowd Size at His Medical Appointments

“There were so many doctors at my last physical, there wasn’t room for them all,” he bragged. “They never turned out like that for Obama.”

open.substack.com

How the Reflecting Pool Turned Green: Missing ‘Bubblers’ and a Rush Job

nytimes.com

Did Trump's motorcade drive through newly painted reflecting pool?

A White House official posted a video of the motorcade crossing the landmark on May 7, 2026.

snopes.com

Vance Furious After ChatGPT Keeps Recommending Obama’s Nuclear Deal

Vance asked the bot, “What is the best possible nuclear deal with Iran?,” only to have it extoll Obama’s 2015 accord.

open.substack.com

Trump Orders Rubio to Distract from Algae by Skinny-Dipping in Reflecting Pool

“Little Marco, you’ve got to take one for the team.”

open.substack.com

Ayatollah’s ‘Art of the Deal’ Becomes #1 Bestseller

“Don’t just be a leader,” the book jacket urges. “Be a Supreme one!”

open.substack.com

Iran Agrees to End War in Exchange for Never Having to Talk to JD Vance Again

“All the bombs we dropped on those crazy bastards couldn’t do what the sound of JD’s voice did,” Trump said.

open.substack.com