This has been my phone background wallpaper image for months.
Candy Bastard@candybastard.bsky.social · last yr.
Candy Bastard@candybastard.bsky.social · last yr.If a gorilla stood up and showed signs of celestial knowledge or existential intelligence, it would astonish and fascinate. When I do it, I have to shut the fuck up and get the fuck back to fucking work. I am livestock.
This crushed Maltesers wrapper looks like it's about to go and save the princess from the castle.
I looked at her, and now I do not want to look at anything else ever again
@candybastard.bsky.social Hiya! A looooong time ago you made mix tapes. Fear My Realtime Neon, Super Ego Awaken, and such. I collected them all as far as VHS or PACT, and I still play and cherish them. Were there more? Thanks.
Probably will not have a murry yiffmas, but it's looking good for a fappy new year.
More awesome boring dates, take me to the supermarket. Going to dinner is expensive, feeds me for an afternoon, and we're both guarded about what we reveal. In the supermarket, it's cheaper, feeds me for a week, and we get a real day-to-day honesty about our tastes, budgets, and values.
I need practical dates. Take me on a date to the launderette, I can ask you about your band tees, you can find out about me by the brands I wear, and we both get clean clothes for the week ahead. Take me to a record, find out what I like, tell me what you know, and we grab some hot vinyl.
Having Tourette's is fun because I can drop a glass and it'll say "Scandinavia hornet roast!" or stub my toe, and, while hopping about in agony, it'll be saying "grip-slider rosemary smashpacket maladjustment!" then I'll do something minor like close a door too loud, and "FUCK CUNT SHITBASTARD"
It's still cold here. If a coroner came round to take a look at me, they might conclude, based on my body temperature, that I have been dead for three or four hours.
Chatting to an archaeologist, what he meant was that he needs to determine if a skeleton was from a male or female person. What he said was, "I need to sex the bone"
My new time-saving idea is to not argue about the morality of AI images with people that have Amazon purchase history.
Not sure why we bother naming storms. This is just the weather now.
"You can do anything if you are passionate, and work hard. If I can do it, anyone can." Advice like this coming from celebrities always feels like an insult to people like me, with an uncomfortable excess of passion, and a powerful work ethic that's driven me to nothing but destruction.